> > Dear Author:
> >
> > We've read your manuscript, and regret to have to inform
> > you that (we've checked those that apply):
> >
> > [X] You use too many vowels.
> > [X] You use too many consonants.
> > [X] You use too many words.
> > [X] Your work has too many pages.
> > [X] We receive too many manuscripts that use too many
> > 	[x] vowels
> > 	[x] consonants
> > 	[x] words
> > 	[x] pages
> >
> > Please understand that this is just our opinion. You may
> > find that other publishers think you use just the right number of
> >
> > 	[x] vowels
> > 	[x] consonants
> > 	[x] words
> > 	[x] pages
> >
> > for them. Don't be discouraged.
> >
> > Yours very customarily,
> >
> > Ed Itter

Dear Mr. Itter:

I am in receipt of your rejection. I regret to inform you that I do
not accept your rejection because it:

[x] Is a form rejection, and I prefer personalized insults,
[x] Reeks of absinthe, and I think you must be some kind of crazy
drunk,
[x] You're a crazy drunk (ibid.), and you didn't offer to share any
with me. Din't your Mama ever tell you it ain't polite to hog the
absinthe?

Please don't feel bad that I've refused to be rejected by you. There
are other publishers whose rejections I will accept. Please try again.

Yours very pugnaciously,

Quinn Tyler Jackson

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