Bernd Jendrissek wrote:
> surfcowboy wrote:
>> Rafer wrote:
> Why do we so seldom hear talkshow hosts tell women in abusive
> relationships that THEY are responsible for their situation, that
THEY
> should get out of it instead of "whining"?  I guess it's not
> politically correct...

Wouldn't get a good (size) audience mebbe?

I saw one of those Princess Di documentaries on Sunday.
During the section on her *big* interview after the book by Andrew
Morton (?), the interviewer asked if she blamed Camilla for the
failure of her marriage. Diana responded, "Well, there were three
of us in the marriage."

I must have been very naive the first time I heard that interview,
cos nowadays I do believe that Di was to blame for her situation.
Sure, Charles wasn't innocent, but how do we know that she wasn't
aware of Camilla's role In Charles's life before they got married,
but she just shut her "eyes"? It seems to me that people do that
when they are "in love".

Also, if she'd fulfilled her husband's needs perhaps he wouldn't
have felt it necessary to keep going back to Camilla?

> Although I must say, that thinking of women as "children" helps me to
> protect myself against their overemoting irrational tirades.  I kinda
> treat it like a little kid throwing a tantrum because it forgot its
> toys on the train.

You mean like your response in that other thread?

> The trick, I suppose, is to keep this women-as-children perspective
> ready at a moment's notice, as you try to treat them as "adults" the
> rest of the time.

Be sure that when you treat them as adults, you're doing it from
the position of being an adult yourself. (Think Eric Berne.)

  Still, something gets "lost" when you're constantly
> maintaining just enough detachment to protect yourself from outbursts
> of destructive emotions.

When my inner peace is dependent on the approval or "love" of another,
I've already lost something much bigger, imo.

> Interestingly, the speed seducers also recommend a "kid sister"
> perspective on target women.  I guess that's what works best...

Creepy. Well if it works, then who cares!

>>> Women have superior skills of manipulation, deception and
>>> interpersonal communication. These skills developed to level the
>>> playing field against superior male strength.

Men use manipulation plenty, thank you very much! Have you tried
looking at being manipulated as an opportunity for growth for next
time you're faced with the same situation?

>> Why do you need to hold anyone else in check? That's such a strange
>> thing to say.

It's not really. IME people do push their luck.

 Why not merely control yourself and leave others to do
>> likewise?  Nothing is more obnoxious than a control freak.

Most people have control issues of one sort or another. Don't you
like to hear someone say they don't know how they lived before
you came into their lives? Or "I won't go to [some place] if you
don't want me to."?

Doesn't it give one a high that someone will let you have that
much say in their life?

Sad, innit?

> Think of it as a prisoner's dilemma:
> http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Prisoner's_dilemma

O no. Not another link.

>>> This is why one of the biggest feminist mantras is: "There is never
>>> an excuse for violence against women."
>>
>> There isn't. The best way to deal with a crazy woman is to walk away
>> from her.
>
> The best way to deal with an abusive man

Label queen.

is to walk away from him.

I beg to differ. Well, at least sometimes I do. You can make him see
that he can't get away with that kind of behaviour. He may well be
grateful for the opportunity to become a Better Man.

- Michaela

"in my defenselessness lies my strength"



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