G'morning Heather, 

 HL>> A sign in a Tokyo bar:
 HL>> Special cocktails for the ladies with nuts.
 MM> Och weel ... I'll be in ma wee cell wi ma pipes, the noo...
 MM> 

 HL> Just don't walk over the air-vent...

Air vent ?
Och, the relief !
It wassna the Sassanach willy-willy I thought, blowing the opening 
bars of `The Nutcracker Suite' or such...

 HL>  - I fed some lemon to my cat.....now I've got a sour puss.

It might have helped if you'd peeled it first....

:-(
 
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