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            FOOD FUNNY
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Thanks to reader Lillian Toka for this:

Sign posted in the Army recruiting office:

"Marry a veteran, girls.  He can cook, make beds, sew, and is already
used to taking orders."


(and also, in response to an announcement about "Florida" by the chef
yesterday)
All of Recitopia has been buzzing with speculation about my
announcement today.  Several people have suggested that I'm going to
retire, more than one person has wondered if I'm going to open a
restaurant, and my hyper-imaginative friend Marian Allen has been
dipping into the cooking sherry again judging from this:

Dear Chef,

How exciting! I should have guessed when you said you were going to
Florida. I can hardly wait!

When does the new theme park open?  RECITOPIA!  The thrill rides will
be awesome!  The Mixmaster, The Percolator, Bumper Crop Cars where
riders thump into one another and try to toss zucchini into each
other's back seats while blocking each other's tosses.  The boat ride
through displays of foods of all lands, with thousands of little
ethnically dressed child robots singing "Food, Glorious Food."  And
the concessions will be awesome!  I know where I'm going for MY next
vacation!

Yours,

Marian

[the facts are more prosaic -- "The simple truth is that I have
decided to move to Florida and have made an offer on a modest little
townhouse in Sunrise, a town in Broward county (yes, the fabled Land
of the Hanging Chad) about 10 miles west of Fort Lauderdale and only
about 30 miles northwest of Miami.  The closing is scheduled for June
30, I have several movers preparing estimates for me, and if
everything goes according to plan, Cooky and I will be driving to
Sunrise the last weekend of this month.  Please wish me luck."]

>

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            THE LAST MORSEL
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Denzil's cooking magazines and mail order catalogues clutter our
countertops.  Orders of stainless steel kitchen gadgetry arrive at our
doorstep weekly.  Our kitchen drawers overflow with an expanding
collection of single-purpose instruments: stainless steel fish
tweezers, a rubber-edged plastic tool for scraping chopped foods from
the cutting board, a task I've always thought the palm of my hand
quite capable of performing.  Our cupboards house a fleet of culinary
power tools: Cuisinarts, blenders, beaters, waffle irons and an
industrial-sized mandoline for making paper-thin slices of potato, or
your fingers, depending on who's using it.  A collection of Calphalon
pans decorates one wall of our kitchen.  Suede potholders hang from
brass hooks next to our Wolf stove.  All this is wasted on me.  The
only cooking technique on my list of things to try is roasting a
chicken under the hood of my car on a road trip.

Pamela Holm, from "The Toaster Broke, So We're Getting Married:
A Memoir"
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/1931561125/thelastmorsel-20

Please address your comments regarding "The Last Morsel" to
editor Barbara Forsythe at mailto:TLMEditor{at}wwrecipes.com

For an archive of all Morsels published in World Wide Recipes,
please visit Barbara's web site at http://www.thelastmorsel.com

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--- Rachel's Little NET2FIDO Gate v 0.9.9.8 Alpha