JM> SC> if he is out stop to talk to him. I don't know if this would be a
JM>SC> good idea or not. Our main plan is to visit the churches there
JM>SC> and ask if he belongs to any of them and talk to a priest or
JM>SC> minister first.
JM>Risky, I'ld say, to talk to anyone about such a personal thing when you're
JM>not even sure it's your father there...
        That is the way I feel about that too. It was just a
thought. I guess what I wanted out of talking to someone else
first was to find out about his health condition to receive news
like this. It could be a shock to him.
JM>Is it possible to call first? Just make an appointment to see him? If so,
JM>you could ask if he ever knew a lady by your birth mothers name. If he 
ays
JM>yes, you could tell him you are working on your geneology and wondered if
JM>he could help.
        I could call him first or maybe write to him. I do like
this idea better.
JM>On the phone, or in person, you should, if he remembers her, tell him 
bout
JM>your birth and your father is unknown. Ask if he might know who your 
ather
JM>is...or if it possibly could be him or someone he knows, something in that
JM>line. Play it by ear from there.
        I like this idea too. If I go see him in person, I do
have a picture of him and his friend with my mom in it. That may
help him to remember her since it was over 49 years ago.
JM>Talking to a priest or pastor would be the last thing I would do because
JM>you are casting suspision on him and may damage his reputation. It is a
JM>very private matter. Please respect his privacy and keep it that way. You
JM>need to confirm if this is your father if you can. If there is no other
JM>way, I say approach him privately, by yourself. If you must be accompanied
JM>by your Uncle, please have him wait in the car while you do this.
        I will do that. I don't want to hurt him or have him turn
me away because I went about this the wrong way. I don't have a
car so I'll either have to have my uncle or someone else take me
or take a bus there. It isn't that far away. My uncle said it
would only take a few hours to get there. I would like someone
with me for support after I talk to him though. That could make
for a long ride home alone if it doesn't go well.
JM>If it looks as if this man remembers you b-mom and thinks he could be your
JM>father, then and only then you might ask if he would like to meet your
JM>Uncle...but I wouldn't even do this if you think he's buckling even a 
little.
        I'll do this if I go with my uncle. Thanks.
JM>Have your name address and phone number written on an index card in bold, 
lar
JM>letters and if he has a problem remembering, ask him to call (collect if 
need
JM>be) if he remembers anything that may help you.
        This is another great idea. Thanks again.
JM>That's all I can think of right now, but do be careful not to jeapordize 
any
JM>personal secrets or heart-breaks. If he never knew, then you should say 
ou
JM>were told that he might be your father and you want some sort of 
confermation
JM>if it is possibly true or definately false.
        I guess along with the fear of rejection, that is my
other big fear. Jeapordizing the whole thing of getting to know
him especially, and the rest of the family.
JM>Good Luck, you have a serious decision to make.
        Thank you very much. I want you and everyone who has
helped me through this to know that I really appreciate having
you to talk to about this. I had no clue what to do until I found
this area on a friend's board thanks to him telling me about it.
Sharon
 * OLX 2.1 TD * I am no longer young enough to know everything.
-*- Opus-CBCS 1.7x via O_QWKer 1.7 
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