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Politics or wrestling?

By DON 'Cyrus' CALLIS -- For SLAM! Wrestling

Often in this industry, we grapplers begin to think life is all one
big wrestling storyline. Many of you have heard me muse that all pro
sports are works (pre-determined), as I have taken the CFL, NFL and
pro boxing to task in the past. I say that, of course, with tongue
firmly planted in cheek, although I will point out that at least with
wrestling you're more likely to get your money's worth. It all seems
quite humorous until I start to see potential leaders of the free
world behaving like they are part of a wrestling angle.

Such was the case as I found myself engrossed in the U.S. Democratic
presidential primaries these past few weeks and marvelled at how each
candidate has assumed a character that looks to have been dreamt up in
a wrestling booking meeting.

First, we have Howard Dean, a medical doctor and former Vermont
governor (which is kind of like being mayor of St-Lazare), who had
been the odds-on favorite to win the nomination for the past several
months. Dean, who had taken on the role of the Dallas Page-like
Quixotic babyface, took on the big boys by himself (criticizing the
war on Iraq) while the other candidates had supported it.

This put Dean way over with the smart marks (young students recently
politicized) and allowed him to collect a lot of money for his
campaign. Despite getting a monster push similar to Lex Luger on the
Lex Express, Dean would self-destruct over a crazed promo (wrestling
interview), completely letting loose after losing badly in Iowa. You
see, in politics as well as in wrestling, there is a difference
between playing crazy and actually being crazy.

Which brings us to retired General Wes Clark, who is playing the role
of the '80s babyface Sergeant Slaughter coming to vanquish the evil
Iron Sheik (Osama Bin Laden). Don't laugh, there are parallels,
including the lantern jaw and constant references to a military
background.

Clark has also attracted a washed up group of celebs, including
Madonna and Michael Moore, which reminds me of some of the b-listers
that have been trotted out in wrestling (remember David Arquette?)
Just as Sarge's gimmick seemed out of place in 1999, Wes Clark's
routine is wearing thin on potential voters and many are leaving his
tent faster than a rookie from one of Tony Condello's Northern Tours.

Of course, no wrestling angle would be complete without a strong bully
of a heel for the babyface (Democrats) to be chasing. In this little
bit of life imitating art, the role of lead heel is portrayed by none
other than President George W. Bush, who democratic voters despise
worse than Winnipeggers despised Bobby Heenan in 1977. This has heated
up a war of words to rival wrestling at its finest.

Witness the verbiage from the front-runner, Senator John Kerry: "I
have a message for George Bush: we're coming, you're going, and don't
let the door hit you on the way out!" Now come on, if I fed you that
line and asked if it came from a wrestling show or the potential next
leader of the free world, what would you say?

Maybe the boys have been right all along, and life, including
politics, is one big work.

K-5 NEWS 

As some of you may be aware, I am now in complete control of the NWA
TNA promotion after winning my match with Erik Watts on the last pay
per view. I would strongly suggest buying the ppv this week, as I plan
on engaging in a "shock and awe" campaign of radical corporate
downsizing. .... It is Super Bowl Sunday and just for the record, I am
pulling for the Carolina Panthers. ... Speaking of football, you may
find my name being besmirched on the pages of Chicago's finer
newspapers for my belittling of NFL all-pro linebacker Brian Urlacher.
.. Chris Benoit looks like a lock to steal the show at Wrestlemania
in his match with Triple H. ... The following pay per view takes place
in Edmonton, which may be where Chris pins Trip.


--- Internet Rex 2.29