Replying to a message of Richard Webb to Cindy Haglund:

 RW> YOu know you're from Iowa if:

 RW> Your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a tractor on
the highway

Yep.  And sometimes in town.

 RW> "Vacation" means driving through the Amanas or going to
Adventureland
 RW> You've seen all the biggest bands ten years after they were popular
 RW> Down south to you means Missouri

Uh, yeah it does.

 RW> You know several people who have hit a deer

Me, for instance.  She did a job on the front of the car, and the front of
the car did
a job on her.

 RW> You have no problem spelling or pronouncing "Des Moines"
 RW> You know the answer to the question "Is this Heaven?"
 RW> Your school classes were cancelled because of cold
 RW> Your school classes were cancelled because of heat

Both of the preceding happen in this area, although it's usually road conditions and
not 'cold.'  Most small town schools are not air conditioned.

 RW> You know where all the Yoders live
 RW> You know what "Hawks" and "Clones" are
 RW> You've ridden the school bus for an hour each way
 RW> You've had to switch from "heat" to "A/C" in the same day
 RW> You think ethanol makes your truck "run a lot better"

Dunno if it makes it run better, but in the wintertime it's safer - the alcohol
prevents gas-line freeze ups in severely cold weather.  You don't have to remember
to add a bottle of 'Heet' to the gas every fillup.  I've run gasohol (10% ethanol) in
all my vehicles since 1979.

 RW> You know what's knee-high by the Fourth of July
 RW> Stores don't have bags, they have sacks
 RW> You see people wear bib overalls at funerals

I see people wearing bib overalls everywhere.  I may start. 

 RW> You see a car running in the parking lot at the store with no one
in it no matter
 RW> what time of the year

Or parked on the street sometimes, not only nobody in it, nobody in sight.

 RW> You end your sentences with an unnecessary exposition. Example:
Where's my coat at?"
 RW> All the festivals across the state are named after a fruit or vegetable
 RW> You can locate Iowa on the United States map
 RW> Detassling was your first job
 RW> You've been on a "Geode Hunt"
 RW> Your idea of a really great tenderloin is when the meat is twice as
big as the bun
 RW> and accompanied only by ketchup and a dill pickle slice
 RW> You learn your pickup will run without a muffler
 RW> You  install security lights on your house and garage and leave both unlocked

I don't.  Unless I'm home.

 RW> When asked how your trip was to any foreign, exotic place, you say
"It was different" 
 RW> Being a bit younger, you remember Terry Branstad as the governor
the whole time
 RW> you were growing up
 RW> You consider being called a "Pork Queen" an honor
 RW> People from other states love to hear you say "Iowa"
 RW> You carry jumper cables in your car

Doesn't everybody?

 RW> You drink "pop"

I don't drink anything stronger than pop.  Of course, pop will drink just
about anything...
(that courtesy of Ben Colder - better known as Sheb Wooley - 45 or more years ago).

 RW> You know what the numbers I-80, 280 and 380 mean
 RW> You know what "cow chips" are
 RW> You actually understand these statements and pass them on to all
your Iowa friends
 RW> And to those of you who have Iowa friends!!!!!

Thanks for posting those.  I liked them even though I'm not a native
Iowegian (born and
raised in Oakland, CA - a great place to be FROM).

--- FleetStreet 1.19+