Ode To Waynie..

I've a Bike!  I play in one act.

Sound of sewing machine outside of bar.  It stops.  In walks Waynie.

Waynie:  I'll have a Shirley Temple, bar maid!  Make it a double!

Spider (the bar owner):  Did you say Shirley Temple, pardner?

Waynie:  You've a problem with that?  I can order anything I want!  I'm a
biker!  I've a bike!

Spider:  You talkin' about that sewin' machine sittin' out front?  The rice?
That the bike you talkin' about?

Waynie:  You've a problem with that TOO??  Well, I'VE a problem with your
attitude, mister!

Spider:  You ain't gonna be a hard case, are you, feller?  Settle down, have
your Shirley Temple and ride your rice on outta here.  Why you limpin'
anyway?

Waynie:  I've injuries and a stroke!  I've a damaged spine and mind!  Di.
di.  ho.  pussie.  Ack.  Pffft.

Spider:  Did you call me a pussy, pardner?

Waynie:  Because I've brain injuries, these things just come out!  And
galloping senility!  Ho. di.  I worked for Precisionaire!  I've a spine
that's two inches shorter!  Di.  ho.  Whose woods these are I think I know,
ho, di, ack.  I've an acquaintance in Tampa/St. Pete who knows what a badass
I am.  I issued him a death threat on my computer!  You've something coming!

Spider (to Weasle, the bouncer):  Weasle, get this shit outta my bar.

Weasle:  Git up, feller.  Time to hit the road.

Waynie:  I read Candide in one hour!  I've a sister who's a doctor!   I've
respect for Bill Clinton!  AWOL Bush!  Dead GIs!  I've gallloping.....

Weasle:  ...make this easy on yourself, pardner.  Just leave.  Now.

Waynie:  I've Linux!  I've a brother at the Colorado.....

Weasle, grabs Waynie by the shoulders and throws him out the front door:
Some days I hate this goddam job.  That asshole was drenched in cologne and
now I smell like a French whore on dollar night.  Shit.

Sounds of sewing machine winding up in the parking lot.  Weeee, weeeee!
Waynie rides off into the sunset, big pink L glowing on the back of his
"biker" jacket.

Etc....
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