Hello Margaret,
MC>I have never made a search to locate him, mainly because I did what I
MC>felt was best for him, and made sure that he had a good caring family
MC>that could care for him.
MC>But I wonder what he is like, and if he will ever search for me.
MC>I know that I will never activly search for him, because I feel that if
MC>he wants his life to be turned around in another direction then that is
MC>a choice that he must make when he is old enough to decide.
MC>I am however very afraid that he will not understand my reasons for
MC>giving him up. What I guess I want all of you to know, is that for most
MC>parents, whether they be mother or father, to give your child up has to
MC>be the most painful thing that they will ever do.
As a birthmother who just found her son, I understand all of your
concerns.  This is natural.  My son will be 35 in Aug. and I only
recently actively searched for him.
MC>I wonder everyday what he looks like, what he likes, is he having a good
MC>life, is he happy, is he... Yes I wonder everything about him.
MC>There will always be that part of me that is gone from my life, but I
MC>guess unlike a lot of people who have given a child up for adoption, I
MC>do not feel as though I am his mother. I was not there for the nights of
MC>pain when he had a fever, or lost his first tooth, or had some girl
MC>break his heart. I was not there when he hit the homerun, or caught his
MC>first fish. His Mother and Father were...
I, like you, was missing that part of me.  Now I feel whole.  He has
told me that he feels the same way.  He has always wanted to meet me,
but was afraid to do an active search for the fear of rejection.  I had
the same fears, but it was time.
MC>Please, when you start to look for the part of your life that you have
MC>so many genuine questions about, please remember, that we are very
MC>frightened also, and there are a lot of those who have never told their
MC>family what has happened. Please tread very carefully, and make sure
MC>that you do this in the right manner.
We are taking this very slowly.  I am allowing him to set his own
schedule for meeting the rest of our family and telling his parents
and sons about my finding him.  It has been almost 35 years since I last
saw him, and now that I have, I can wait until he makes the decision to
tell.  All things in good time is our motto.
Good luck to you if you decide to start your search.
        Lynn
 * SLMR 2.1a * If we let the dream die, what's the sense of waking up?
--- T.A.G. 2.7c
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