In a msg on , Margaret Collins of 1:382/1009 writes:
 MC> I am curious as to all of the people that are out there looking 
 MC> for
 MC> their birth parents...
 MC> I am a birth mother who gave a child up for adoption almost 16 
 MC> years
 MC> ago, and I am unsure as to how I feel if he should decide to try 
 MC> and
 MC> find me..
 MC> I have never made a search to locate him, mainly because I did 
 MC> what I
 MC> felt was best for him, and made sure that he had a good caring 
 MC> family
 MC> that could care for him.
 MC> But I wonder what he is like, and if he will ever search for me.
 MC> I know that I will never activly search for him, because I feel 
 MC> that if
 MC> he wants his life to be turned around in another direction then 
 MC> that is
 MC> a choice that he must make when he is old enough to decide.
 MC> I am however very afraid that he will not understand my reasons 
 MC> for
 MC> giving him up. What I guess I want all of you to know, is that 
 MC> for most
 MC> parents, whether they be mother or father, to give your child up 
 MC> has to
 MC> be the most painful thing that they will ever do.
 MC> I wonder everyday what he looks like, what he likes, is he having 
 MC> a good
 MC> life, is he happy, is he... Yes I wonder everything about him.
 MC> There will always be that part of me that is gone from my life, 
 MC> but I
 MC> guess unlike a lot of people who have given a child up for 
 MC> adoption, I
 MC> do not feel as though I am his mother. I was not there for the 
 MC> nights of
 MC> pain when he had a fever, or lost his first tooth, or had some 
 MC> girl
 MC> break his heart. I was not there when he hit the homerun, or 
 MC> caught his
 MC> first fish. His Mother and Father were...
 MC> Please, when you start to look for the part of your life that you 
 MC> have
 MC> so many genuine questions about, please remember, that we are 
 MC> very
 MC> frightened also, and there are a lot of those who have never told 
 MC> their
 MC> family what has happened. Please tread very carefully, and make 
 MC> sure
 MC> that you do this in the right manner.
 MC> Take Care,
 MC> Margaret Collins
Hi Margaret, I'm 27 and was given up for adoption before I was even born. You 
said that you have decided not to search for your son becouse you didn't want 
his life turned arround. Well, I want you to know that he feels the same way. 
Right now he doesn't know what the "right" thing to do is. As far as you not 
being hie mother, I have to disagree with you there. Despite who raised him, 
you are still his mom, and until the day that he dies he WILL have a special 
place in his heart for you. For whatever reason you had to give him up, I 
think as he grows older he will realize what life is all about and come to 
understand that you did what you did for him, not for yourself, or becouse 
you didn't or still don't love him.
I would really like to hear from you again. Perhaps both of us can better 
understand the other side of our positions. Take care, and please remember, 
you did what you as your sons mother thought was best for your child. That in 
itself is perhaps the biggest act of love.
                        Derek Henderson
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