It has been very difficult for me to stay caught up
on some things, like e-mail. My pain is really bad
right now and I'm taking the meds which help some
and for that I am thankful.
But I feel like there are those of us who have more
than our share to deal with. Those of us who deal
with abuse issues, physical problems, financial 
problems etc.... it is overwhelming.  
On top of everything right now I am again having
trouble with medicare. I know that there were problems
with them paying the therapy for a while in the past
but since it got worked out the company that pays
for the medicare billings switched and my therapist
is again having to deal with them and the way they
have or haven't been paying.  They have asked for
all the chart notes and those are things Steve has
told me that it would be counterproductive to share
with me in therapy and yet he has to give them to
medicare. I don't know if medicare will cover my
therapy or not, but I do know that it affects everything
including my ability to cope.
My pain level was really high yesterday and I took
my meds and went to the appointment. Because of the
medicine that I had misfigured, I had a terrible
time making it home and only God protected me from
an accident. Today with the pain really really bad
... level 9 on a scale of 1-10, I made the decision
to take enough meds to get it down to a 7 or so and
not go to my therapy appointment thinking that I could
still get a phone session like I have in the past 
when I felt I needed one. Well, now I can't because of
medicare. Normally it wouldn't have been a problem.
And this leaves me feeling major stressed and upset and
even more self-destructive...and I have been self-
destructive all along in other ways. I feel so hopeless.
I needed help last week with some chores and yet couldn't
get the help and the individual who didn't even call me
to return the call didn't even think it was that 
important. Because of one more thing that I couldn't
get help for it makes me all that much more frightened
about the future because of needing help and not being
able to find it.
Thankfully I've had a few card orders from friends that
I've been able to get enough money to cover my RX and
the stamping supplies. And it is a distraction, although
not when the pain is unmanagable. I know I'll probably
do some stamping today just to keep from wanting to
act out on the feelings of worthlessness.
I'm going to try to answer snail mail tomorrow but I'll
have to wait and see how I feel.  I've slowly been getting
more cards on the web page as examples and hopefully we 
will be able to fine tune it and get it linked by the
first part of next year.
ANyway, any prayers would be helpful. I feel like I'm
losing it at the moment.
wendy
... (A)bort  (R)etry  (H)ug teddy bear and cry.
___ Blue Wave/QWK v2.12
--- Maximus 3.01
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