Yesterday I got to learn some of what other people mean when they talk
of doctors being impossible to deal with when someone is dying.  An
older friend of mine is dying.  He is just a few weeks shy of 90.  He
had a heart attack and a major stroke that destroyed the entire right
side of his brain.  He has developed pneumonia and a blood clot in his
leg.  He has almost no speech, and will never walk or sit up
independently again. He can't even swallow liquids, and is dependent on
a feeding tube for hydration. This is a man who has always been
physically active and "sharp as a whip."  The hospital wanted to place
him in the county nursing home.  He made it clear to everyone that he
wanted to go home. And it was just as clear that he had thought it out
(hey, even with only half a brain, he's *still* sharp as a whip"), and
that he is ready to die.  The doctors refused to let him go home,
despite his wishes. Finally, the family arived at the hospital
yesterday, intending to remove him against medical consent if necessary.
The doctor spent hours trying to talk the family out of removing my
friend.  The doctor even, literally, called them murderers.  If he goes
home, no tubes attached, he will be dead in a few days to a month.  If
they send him to a nursing home, tubes attached, he could be kept alive,
although unable to read, write, move around, or talk, for maybe even a
couple of years. This man has a "living will" in which he asked that no
extraordinary measures be used to keep him alive.  When his veins
started collapsing, so they couldn't keep the IV in them, the doctors
put a port in his shoulder so they could keep giving him medicines
through the IV.  His daughter protested, saying she thought this was
"extraordinary measures".  The doctor said it was "a grey area", and
could be defended in a court of law.  My friend was brought home, but
not until after hours of wrangling, and not until after everyone was
emotionally exhausted.  His wife and two daughters were literally in
tears.  His son was close to murder. His grandchildren were frantic.
The medical profession has refused to sign the forms that would give
maximum home care.  They have refused to list him as "terminal", which
would open up the way for home hospice care, because "he would live
longer if you weren't murdering him."  Medicare will pay for two hours
nursing care three times a week.  Family and friends will take up the
slack.
The dying is not the problem here.  My friend knows he is dying, and is
ready to pass over to the other side.  We know he is dying, and are
ready to sit with him as he passes on.  It is only the doctors who
cannot accept his dying.  Are they *that* terrified of mortality, that
this one frail old man's death will devastate them?
                                   Sondra
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 þ SLMR 2.1a þ There is no royal road to geometry.  Euclid
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