Strangers are often just friends we haven't met yet.  But having been 
betrayed by a fellow AA that I thought was my friend today, well, I can
hear you about not trusting people.  What finally made me come out of 
my shell was I knew it was that or death for me - and I was doing it 
for me, if they got any benefit out of it that was nice.  But my 
primary purpose in reaching out to another drunk is always that it 
keeps me sober today.
.
I wouldn't call me a "die hard" AA - not by a long shot.  I don't do as
much AA anymore as I do the electronic AA here on these echoes and in 
other parts of cyberspace.
.
If I get sounding cynical today, as I say I was very hurt when I 
reached out to an old friend after getting some very bad news today.
I found out I have another disease, which, like alcoholism can be 
arrested, but not cured - and I am having major trouble accepting it.
(diabetes, for the record)  And I am having even more of a hard time 
accepting how my old "friend" (?) treated me - like I had bothered her 
by calling her over a flipping hang nail or something.   
.
As far as saying "never" when you say you'll never drink again, well, 
one of the reasons I stay close to AA in SOME way is because I know I 
am closer to my next drink now than I was when I first came into 
sobriety some ten years ago.  The reason is most alcoholics have a 
built-in forgetter and somewhere along the way comes that point where 
no power on earth can keep me away from a drink.  I convince myself 
it's different now and I can only have one.  I forget that one has 
never EVER been enough for me - because that first one really does 
trigger that physical compulsion or phenomenon of craving with the 
mental obsession and soon, well, I'm in over my head.
.
I know because I actually started to dry out in 1979, but I did it my 
way.  I didn't go to meetings anymore after a while and I had never 
worked the steps.  Pretty soon, I was back where I had started from and
scared stiff - wondering, "how did I get here? " and terrified that I 
couldn't stop again.  When I came back from my pink cloud I did AA the 
AA way instead of my way, which obviously didn't work all that well.
One relapse has been enough for me so far and I hope, by the grace of 
whatever Higher Power there is, that I never have to do that again.
.
You're most certainly welcome for the benefit of my sharing; however, I
have to thank you too.  Whether or not you do stay sober and join AA or
not, you are helping me to stay sober another day by sharing with you -
it helps me to remember where I came from, so I won't go back there 
again and hopefully you will never have to go there either.
.
I'm sure it is hard for you to share here - just to break the ice and 
let us know who you are - as well as being hard to try something like 
going to meetings.  If you can overcome being an introvert this much, 
you may find it easier to open up in face to face meetings.  First 
thing I want you to know is that you don't have to say ANYTHING at a 
meeting if you don't want to.   If you are called upon, just say my 
name is (WHATEVER) and I am an alcoholic and I pass - or if you're not 
ready to say you're an alcoholic, just say my name is (YOUR NAME) and I
pass.  There are no dues or fees for AA membership and the ONLY 
requirement for membership is a desire to stop drinking (third 
tradition).   
.
If you decide to try it, stick with the winners for your own sake.  
There are other folks who come to AA looking for the partners of the 
opposite sex or the same sex.  Usually dating is NOT suggested for 
anyone with less than a year or two sober, anyways; however, there are 
other folks who come to AA for the wrong reasons and some who come for 
a mixture of reasons.  Watch who stays sober and who are the ones you'd
like to be like when you have a few years under your belt - those are 
probably the winners for you.  usually they have some time in - 
consecutive time - sober.
.
I hope you do try AA because studies have shown repeatedly that AA 
works best for most.  People who try to make it on their own, usually 
just don't make it for some reason.
.
But, whatever you do, I hope you find what works for you.
--- TriToss (tm) Professional 11.0 - #66
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