GA>I can't help but wonder if I'm going to be able to hold off for another 
day.
DO IT FOR FIVE MINUTES AT A TIME. (no, I'm not yelling at you, it's
just for emphasis) Then start over counting 5 minutes, and repeat it 5
minutes later. Do that long enough and you've got a whole day and you
can start again when you wake up.  A whole bunch of sober people call
that "white knuckling". It does get better with each passing 5 minutes.
GA>Every morning it's been the same thing. As soon as I open my eyes the
GA>thought comes to mind... Am I going to make it today??? Or am I going
GA>to *F* Things
GA>once more??? Not the best way to start your day off.
I felt that way too. I'd place a small wager on the number of alcoholics
who felt the same way when they were new to sobriety. I found a way to
get past that little old feeling that I let reside in my heat rent free.
Instead of the usual:
"Good God, it's morning"  I replaced it with "Good Morning God."
I went on to ask Him/Her/It to help keep me sober for the 24 hours
in front of me.
Another little tidbit: If I get nasty and angry and resentful, my
sponser Dorothy (RIP) told me it was NEVER too late in the day to lean
back, close my eyes, yawn and stretch and say: "Good Morning God."
Know where I learned those handy tips?  In AA Meetings.
GA>I hate myself when I drink... And now I hate to drink... Guess I'll have 
o
GA>learn some coping skills if I'm going to make it throught this in one 
piece.
I hated me too. Not when I was doing the actual drinking, but with the
consequences of my drinking.  Like not being able to see my sister and
Mother because they wanted no part of me; moving around the country
trying to make new friends (unfortunately my moves all wound up in bars
where I bought new rounds to make new friends); deprived of my credit
cards, because I didn't have any money to pay the minimum on 6 credit
cards I had, and my only child wanting absolutely no part of me.
Today, my daughter and grandchildren beg me to come where they live,
I have NEW friends that are always there for me, as I am here for them.
My sister and I get along pretty good, and my Mother lived to see me
sober.Life is pretty darn good these days.  I have some health
problems, but those are problems I turn over to my HP and my doctors.
But I do own my own home, my credit is good, I have a 10 year old car
I'm too lazy to trade, and it's got VERY Low milage. AND I only have 1
credit card!!!!
A miracle happened, as you can tell from the two messages I've written.
If you don't want to go to meetings alone, call your Local AA office and
tell them you want to get sober.  More than likely one of two men will
come to your home and talk to you and will take you to meetings to begin
with...that's called a "12 Step" and if you don't want to say anything
in a meeting that's okay. Just listen to the comments and stories they
tell... I'll wager again in saying they will remind you of yourself.
Joan
 * SLMR 2.1a * ... The 1st step to wisdom is silence. 2nd is listening.
--- WM v3.01/93-0495
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