Message-ID: 

Here's my review of the latest outing from WWE (WrestleMania), based
on "how much money was this match worth?"  At the end, I add it all
up and see if the PPV as a whole was worth the sum of its matches.

There were enough matches on this card that I was looking forward
to, so I was determined to go even though I've felt miserable for
the last eight days with my "every eight years" flu.  The weather
was decent, so I actually took Wade Keller up on his offer and
caught the PPV at Torch Headquarters (the last six or so PPVs I've
watched at a local sports bar (which has better food, drinks, and
waitresses but I miss out on the insider gossip)).

They moved the John Cena rap deal to Heat, which is probably a good
idea (especially since they couldn't line anyone up after
whats-his-name canceled).  Cena's rap was rather risque ("if you
lived in a sperm bank you couldn't make a come-back" and ending with
the work "f-ck" (but after moving the mic away from his mouth)).
Cena predicts that he'll be headlining WM20.  Cena made fun of two
rappers I've never heard of (and had their faces pasted on
life-sized cardboard cutouts of Austin Powers and Mini-Me at the top
of the entrance ramp).

Nunzio and TBS laid out Nathan Jones in the shower (as the camera
was panning away at the end I was waiting for Bradshaw to walk into
the shower area with a bottle of baby oil and a big grin on his
face).  I was glad Nathan Jones was taken out of the match, and now
was hoping someone would punk out Taker, Albert, and TBS as well.

Raw tag match: Lance & Chief over RVD & Kane with help from the
Dudleyz.  Not on the PPV, so no rating.  It wasn't a bad match, and
deserved to be on the PPV itself more than the A-Train match.  The
ending was a bit obvious what with the Dudleys being at ringside for
the entire match.

Someone I've never heard of sang America the Beautiful.  Actually
she wasn't that bad of eye candy for a change.  I still think Cena
could have got mad heat for interrupting America the Beautiful with
his rap.

"Jazz is my dad" sign in the crowd.

1.  Matt Hardy over Rey in 4:30 to retain the cruiserweight strap

Rey had a new outfit (what's the point of being all roided out if
he's going to cover his chest?) including a mask that incorporated
his stupid little "horns" from WCW.  I was surprised that they're
keeping the belt on Matt.  Decent match, but I wish they'd involve
more of the depth of their cruiserweight roster (Tajiri, Crash,
Nunzio, Noble, Kidman, etc) rather than pushing Matt as a
cruiserweight when he doesn't wrestle the cruiserweight style.

MATCH RATING: $1.00

Limp Bizkit performed Undertaker's theme live.  Taker drove his
motorcycle to the ring.

RATING: $0.05


2.  Undertaker & Nathan Jones over A-Train & Big Show in 9:44

I don't think anyone expected Taker's WM winning streak to end in
such a "nothing" match.  Luckily, Jones didn't come out until the
end, and only did two moves (and looked confused after the first one
like he couldn't remember what the second move he was supposed to do
was).  Taker walked the top rope, but needed help from his opponent
to keep his balance.

MATCH RATING: $0.05


3.  Trish Stratus over Victoria & Jazz in 7:20 to win the title

There were a few times when they looked confused in the ring, and I
could just picture Fit in the back pulling out the last of his hair.
They had to get the strap off of Victoria (since she apparently
needs knee surgery) and Trish was the obvious choice.  They did well
for the match going as long as it did and having to remember all the
three-way spots.

MATCH RATING: $1.00

Coach interviewed Rock in the back.  Went on a bit long and Rock
didn't seem to be putting all that much into it.  Not really any
comedy bits or anything.

RATING: $0.05


4.  Team Angle over Rhyno & Chris Benoit and Eddie & Chavo Guerrero
to retain the WWE Smackdown Tag Team Titles when Benjamin pinned
Chavo in 8:35

I was expecting this to be the best match of the night.  They had
five of the best workers in the company in the ring (plus Rhyno).
They have a four hour PPV yet somehow the best match on paper (with
six people to divide up the action) doesn't even get ten minutes?
WTF?  This should have been 30 minutes *minimum* and since there
were six guys, it really should have been given 45 to 60 minutes.

All six men did well for how little time they had.  Rhyno even
impressed me a little bit.  I wasn't expecting Los Guerreros to win,
since they are over without the belts.  I sort of expected the belts
to switch to Benoit/Rhyno, but thinking about it now it makes more
sense to keep the straps on Team Angle, since they'll need them to
be over without Angle around to give them the rub.

MATCH RATING: $3.75 (could have easily been $20+ if given time to
tell a story)


5.  Shawn Michaels over Chris Jericho in 22:34

I laughed at the three people holding up signs that said "HBK"
"IS"
"GOD", since Shawn wouldn't know whether to be honored by it or be
offended by it.

Since Michaels won't be wrestling a full schedule, the "right thing"
to do here would be for Jericho to go over cleanly after about 15 or
20 minutes.  Michaels really doesn't gain anything by the win here,
but it was a good match and told a good story.

MATCH RATING: $3.00

The Miller Lite Girls, Stacy, and Torrie had a pillow fight on a
large bed on the side stage where they each ripped off each other's
blouses. Coachman had changed from his tux into a Seattle shirt, so
we knew he was going to get pantsed & pinned.  This (and the
previous backstage skits with the MLG) had dialog so wooden that it
makes the WWe roster appear to be Shakespearean actors.

RATING: $0.50


6.  Triple H (w/Ric Flair) pinned Booker T for the Raw World Title
in 18:50

Booker T pulled out his Harlem Hangover near the end.  The ending
seemed to come out of nowhere, as HHH didn't really doo a finishing
move--he draped his arm over Booker.  This is probably HHH's best
match since his quad tear, but is still below just about every match
of his from before the quad tear.  HHH is a lot smaller than he was
at the Rumble, which probably helped his stamina in this match.
It's probably a good idea to have HHH win this match, since it
established Booker as someone who can work a good match with HHH and
hopefully they'll let the feud develop for a few more months and
then give Booker a multi-month title reign.  If they had given
Booker the title tonight it wouldn't have meant as much, since it
hasn't had much build-up.

MATCH RATING: $3.00


7.  Hulk Hogan over Vince McMahon in 20:53

I called each of the three blade jobs (McMahon, Spanish Announcer,
and Hulk) about 30 seconds before they happened, as each of the
three could be seen setting up for it.  Before the match started, I
was actually thinking VKM would blade 10 to 15 minutes in, since I
didn't think he'd want to lose blood for so long at his age.  He
bladed five minutes in and had a "crimson mask" for the next 15
minutes, though, so kudos for him.

Great storytelling and extremely good camera work when Vince's head
was rising up from the far side of the ring!  Vince did a legdrop
off a ladder onto Hogan through the SAT.  Roddy Piper came out in
disguise and turned heel on Hogan, hitting him with a pipe that
McMahon had brought in the ring.   Hogan, though, made his Superman
comeback and hit Vince with three legdrops to win. 

This was the match I was least looking forward to (except for the
A-Train match) but they managed to pull me in with the blood and the
intensity.  I'm still glad Vince didn't book it as the main event.

MATCH RATING: $5.00

After the match, Shane McMahon came in a really nice suit out and
glared at Hogan, then checked on his bloodied father. Vince raised
his head from the mat and flipped Hogan off (who had already left
the ring).

RATING: $0.25


8.  The Rock over Steve Austin in 17:52

Both men just seemed to be going through the motions in this one.
Nothing of note took place other than Rock wearing SCSA's leather
vest and each guy using the other's signature movies.  Rock won
clean after three Rock Bottoms.  The crowd seemed pretty dead, but
most were probably pretty tired since the doors opened up at 2:30
Pacific time.

MATCH RATING: $0.75

After Rock left to his music, they decided to play SCSA's music even
though he lost.  SCSA walked up the ramp and went to the side stage
where he gave a backwards double middle finger salute to the crowd.

RATING: $0.05


9.  Brock Lesnar over Kurt Angle in 21:07 to capture the WWE
Smackdown Title

Lots of good action, some scary spots from Angle, and a big scary
spot from Brock at the end when he tried a shooting star press from
too far away.  Billy Kidman screw up the SSP because he doesn't go
far enough away from the ropes; Brock screwed this one up and just
about landed on the top of his head because he left Angle halfway
across the ring.  I wouldn't be surprised if the SSP were banned
effective immediately.  Lesnar did three F5s at different points
near the end of the match, and there were a lot of teased false
finishes from both guys which just added a great ending to an
already solid match.

After the match, Lesnar looked extremely groggy, almost as if he
weren't aware of his surroundings, as he grasped at his title belt.
He seemed to have trouble standing up, but Angle approached him and
they shook hands and hugged after the match. 

Angle hit all of his signature moves, including three or four
unreleased German suplexes (seeming to be landing more to the side
on his shoulder than usual, but maybe that's just me looking for
signs of him protecting himself). 

Just before the SSP, Angle was clutching at the back of his neck.
Most people in the room were worried that he had legit hurt it and
were saying it was dumb for him to have taken so many chances in
this match, but I think it was a work for everyone who knows his
neck is hurt to get just the reaction it did from them.

MATCH RATING: $5.00

- = - = - = - = - = - = - = - = - = - = - = - = - = - = - = - = -

TOTAL MATCH RATINGS: $22.55

TOTAL SKIT RATING: $0.90

TOTAL PPV RATING: $23.45

WWE price of the PPV: $39.99.  By that measure, I didn't my money's
worth.

I spent about $7.50 in gas and $2.50 on food, so by that token I
easily got my money's worth.

Still, this makes it the best PPV I've seen since last year's
WrestleMania, so I was quite happy that I made the trip.  Four hours
is too long (especially if you watch Heat for an hour beforehand).
It didn't help that I only got two hours of sleep last night (ran
out of Nyquil and couldn't get to sleep since I couldn't stop
coughing).

Thanks to pwTorch for the match results, so I didn't have to
scribble down notes instead of enjoying the PPV.

- = - = - = - = - = - = - = - = - = - = - = - = - = - = - = - = -

For comparison, here's what I thought of the PPVs I saw in the last
couple of years:

WWF Wrestlemania 1998         1998/03/   unrated
WCW Spring Stampede 1998      1998/04/19 $24.10
WWF IYH: Unforgiven 1998      1998/04/26 $ 9.95
WCW Slamboree 1998            1998/05/17 $27.95
WCW Great American Bash 1998  1998/06/14 $28.05
WWF King of the Ring 1998     1998/06/28 $22.50
WCW Bash at the Beach 1998    1998/07/12 $17.35
ECW Heatwave 1998             1998/08/02 $24.90
WCW Road Wild 1998            1998/08/08 $29.80
WWF IYH: Fully Loaded 1998    1998/07/26 $ 6.95
WWF SummerSlam 1998           1998/08/30 $10.20
WCW Fall Brawl 1998           1998/09/13 $23.60
WWF Judgement Day 1998        1998/10/18 $25.10
WCW Halloween Havoc 1998      1998/10/25 $49.50
ECW November to Remember 1998 1998/11/01 $25.75
WWF Survivor Series 1998      1998/11/15 $21.40
WWF IYH: Rock Bottom 1999     1998/12/13 $ 8.40
ECW Guilty as Charged 1999    1999/01/10 $26.10
WCW Souled Out 1999           1999/01/17 $29.10
WWF Royal Rumble 1999         1999/01/24 $23.00
WWF St Val Day Massacre 1999  1999/02/14 $20.90
WCW SuperBrawl 1999           1999/02/21 $21.35
WCW Uncensored 1999           1999/03/14 $32.00
ECW Living Dangerously 1999   1999/03/21 $25.90
WCW Spring Stampede 1999      1999/04/11 $38.00
WCW Slamboree 1999            1999/05/09 $21.10
ECW Hardcore Heaven 1999      1999/05/09 $15.30
WWF King of the Ring 1999     1999/06/27 $13.40
WCW Bash at the Beach 1999    1999/07/11 $20.70
WWF Fully Loaded 1999         1999/07/25 $10.80
WCW Road Wild 1999            1999/08/14 $13.90
WWF SummerSlam 1999           1999/08/22 $19.05
WCW Fall Brawl 1999           1999/09/12 $12.85
ECW Ararchy Rulz 1999         1999/09/19 $32.25
WWF No Mercy 1999             1999/10/17 $13.00
WCW Halloween Havoc 1999      1999/10/24 $ 3.35
ECW November to Remember 1999 1999/11/07 $28.45
WWF Survivor Series 1999      1999/11/14 $10.95
WCW Meyhem 1999               1999/11/21 $17.75
WWF Armageddon 1999           1999/12/12 $22.05
WCW Starrcade 1999            1999/12/19 $23.65
ECW Guilty as Charged         2000/01/09 $25.70
WCW Souled Out                2000/01/16 $13.20
WWF Royal Rumble              2000/01/23 $20.00
WWF No Way Out                2000/02/27 $16.95
ECW Living Dangerously        2000/03/12 $21.80
WCW Uncensored                2000/03/19 $21.65
WWF WrestleMania              2000/04/02 $22.05
WCW Spring Stampede           2000/04/16 $23.70
WWF Backlash                  2000/04/30 $25.65
WCW Slamboree                 2000/05/07 $23.55
ECW Hardcore Heaven           2000/05/14 $23.05
WWF Judgment Day              2000/05/21 $11.25
WCW Great American Bash       2000/06/11 $16.55
WWF King of the Ring          2000/06/25 $ 1.40
WCW Bash at the Beach         2000/07/09 missed
ECW Heat Wave                 2000/07/16 $15.50
WWF Fully Loaded              2000/07/23 $24.40
WCW New Blood Rising          2000/08/13 $31.00
WWF SummerSlam                2000/08/27 $24.90
WCW                           2000/09/17 missed
WWF Unforgiven                2000/09/24 $16.65
ECW Anarchy Rulz              2000/10/01 $21.30
ECW                           2000/11/   missed
WWF Survivor Series           2000/11/   missed
ECW Massacre on 34th Street   2000/12/03 $ 9.65
WWF                           2000/12/   missed
ECW Guilty As Charged         2001/01/07 $15.70
WWF                           2001/01/   missed
WCW Superbrawl Revenge        2001/02/18 $37.60
WCW Greed                     2001/03/   missed
WWF WrestleMania              2001/04/01 $29.50
WWF                           2001/05/   missed
WWF King of the Ring          2001/06/24 $16.55
WWF Invasion                  2001/07/22 $15.25
WWF SummerSlam                2001/08/   missed
WWF                           2001/09/   missed
WWF                           2001/10/   missed
WWF Survivor Series           2001/11/18 $11.25
WWF Royal Rumble              2002/01/20 $14.15
WWF No Way Out                2002/02/17 $ 3.40
WWF WrestleMania              2002/03/17 $25.30/$36.40
WWF King of the Ring          2002/06/23 $ 6.55/$10.15
NWA TNA                       2002/08/14 $11.60/$12.20
WWF SummerSlam                2002/08/25 $21.10/$21.10
WWF Unforgiven                2002/09/22 $17.50/$21.15
WWF No Mercy                  2002/10/20 $16.85/$20.00
WWF Survivor Series           2002/11/17 $ 7.50/$9.20
WWF Royal Rumble              2003/01/19 $19.55/$19.55
WWF WrestleMania XIX          2003/03/30 $22.55/23.45

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