Harold Duggan - The wind whispered your name to me...
 
 
 HD> I just thought I would respond to that. I would agree in principle
 HD> that that is a good way to judge Gods will. It is true Tha God wants
 HD> nothing but good for us and his infinite love is all we need to be
 HD> totally satisfied.... 
 
 HD> However....
 HD> I am an alcoholic. Most humans, and especially alcoholics, have an
 HD> amazing ability to not only justify any action that they feel they
 HD> want, but are prone to be dishonest with themselves over what makes
 
 Unfortunately, you are right..many people lie to themselves for many
 reasons..
 
 HD> them happy. A perfect illustration of this is how I can sit in a room
 HD> of people who are complaining about what a drag marrige is and when I
 HD> say I am thinking about being a celibate priest they say there is no
 HD> way I will be satisfied or happy  with out a partener. Well to me I see
 HD> a large proportion of married people who are dissatisfied. I don't
 HD> claim all are dissatisfied or that all are as dissatisfied as they
 HD> claim. What I am trying to say is that it seems to my people shop in
 HD> the wrong places for there happiness, myself included. Why should I
 
 I have always felt that the place to find happiness is within..the only
 one that can make you happy is yourself..I have found this out myself..
 If I am happy with me...I am happy with others..if they are unhappy with
 me, I am still happy with myself..I *like* me..
 
 HD> expect a marrige to make my happy, or a celebit life, or drugs, or
 HD> booze, or sex, or money, or priesthood, or anythingbesides what is the
 HD> will of God for me. My music is another prime example. Sure it is a
 HD> beautifull gift. From being a small child it was all I wanted, more
 HD> than anything else. I have pursued it as far a s I could have up till
 HD> this point. I love it, I cherish it, I never want to be with out music.
 HD> I simply thing it is the greatest form of expresion man has ever
 HD> created. That is bias but it is my feelings. It is a integral part of
 HD> who I feel am, yet it is only a tool with which to express myself and
 HD> give myself as much joy is appropriate from it. Right now I am trying
 
 Music comes from inside, from the soul. It is a gift and one that was
 meant to be shared..it is a tool to express yourself with, yes..but it
 is also something that expresses the gift that you were given. You share
 the beauty of the Creator when you share your music.
 
 HD> to decide if God is asking me to be a Priest. THis is a question that
 HD> has tortured my being for many years, I have fought it with everything
 HD> I had and I couldn't stop the nagging in my soul and mind. I finally
 HD> gave up and decided to check it out and I have decided to pursue the
 HD> questioning further because I have not felt a definate yes or no. For
 HD> me now to become serious about music would mean running away from the
 HD> questioning again which would cause me to be opposed to God once again.
 HD> Yet I still play enough to keep myself satisfied. 
 What makes you think you could not play your music if you went into the
 priesthood? 
 
 HD> Any way to get bace to my response to wether what makes me
 HD> feel good is Gods will, the truth is sometimes I don't know truely
 HD> what makes me feel good, and sometimes I want to feel more than good.
 HD> Also sometimes I have to go through what seems like darkness and pain
 HD> to get to what is good. So I don't find it that simple to decide what
 HD> Gods will is. I hope and pray that as I get heathier and closer to Gods
 HD> picture for me on this earth what God desires so will I, but untill
 HD> that time I think it will be a struggle. Boy have I blabbed on and on
 HD> again. Bye! 
 I don't think any of us *truly* know if we are doing the Will of the
 Creator...I just think that when we try to be decent humans beings and
 help one another in whatever way we can, and get that good feeling inside,
 we are doing the Creator's Will..When we are going through darkness and 
 pain, it may be that we have more to learn..I really don't know...I just
 try to be the best I can be..a decent human being. 
 Light, Love and Laughter
 Marie - Starwitch
... We carry within us wonders we seek without us. 
___ Blue Wave/QWK v2.12
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