M> Yes, but when the idea comes into my mind that I've "got" it because of
 > having the spirituality via the CHurch, so as not to need AA meetings,
 > it is usually my OWN thought - coming from inside me - and not anything
 > that anyone in the Church would directly say to me.
I honestly don't understand why you would say this to yourself, especially in
light of the difficulties you have had recently with some of your church
leaders!
If they have been treating you so shabbily, why would you think of dropping 
A
and running back to them?
 > In fact I want to believe
 > it more - or my disease does - at those times.  That is when I am in
 > trouble and there is a great need to get honest with myself.
Is there a hint of...I don't know, masochism...in wanting to subject yourself
to their mistreatment again? Or maybe it is a desire for security? Or perhaps
I misunderstand.
But in any case the bottom line has to be: Go where you can get the help
and growth that you need. You cannot be of help to others if you ignore your
own spiritual well-being. IMHO, of course .
 -- SPEED 2.00 [NR]: Work to become, not to acquire.
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