I do seek Gods will. It seems to be a passion for me. God has pulled 
me out iof so many traps and pits that to do His wil is all I truely want. 
The last time He got me out of one of those desprate situations I just got 
down in front of the alter and gave my life to Him. Every day I learn a 
little more what it means to give your life to God. I have Good friends and a 
spiritual director and I spend alot of time in prayer. I feel pretty sure I 
am on the right road because it seems that God's will no longer conveniently 
coencides with my most base behavior or what I really was going to do wether 
it was Gods will or not. I try to do what it says in the steps(3 or 7 maybe) 
where we try to bend our will to Gods, this being the correct use of will.
        As far as Church replacing AA. I was most pleased that when I finally 
decided to give my life and will over I found that Church did not replace AA 
but made working the steps possible. If I had gotten away from meetings as a 
result of church I would have known something was wrong either with the 
paticular religion or with my motivation(probably infact most likely with me)
I have also found that I can relate to people wether they are in the program 
or not so long as they are interested in being honest about sharing. I will 
always need AA. I know that. It is where God first introduced himself and I 
don't feel that he will ever call me away. He knows what is best for me.
As far as becoming an AA guru I don't feel I am in any danger of that. I have 
so many struggles daily that I have to share in my meetings that I don't 
think that my sober time really intimidates anyone at least as far as I can 
see.
If becoming a Priest causes people to put me on a pedistal then that is their 
problem and its going to be too bad for them when I fall off...but I am just 
here for recovery and life, nothing else.
        I struggled in finding religion too. I was so opposed to it all my 
life but in that was that strange calling and on top of that there was the 
calling to priesthood. I tried to get into christianity but I could never 
live up to the expectations. I never wanted to obey the commands. It was not 
intill
I saw it for what it was, the only thing that could bring me life. It is the 
only thing that saves me from myself and allows me to live a decent life. I 
know that sounds extreme but the grace of God is there and I need Gods grace 
like a plant in parched soil needs water. i know He is there in meetings but 
it is not the same at all. Any way I hope all is well with you, peace!
--- Maximus 2.01wb
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