BS> ZR>I am just glad to see another message about a man making the false
BS> ZR>accusations.  It is my hope that those who see this problem only as a
BS> ZR>lying-woman problem will take note.  Men make false accusations too.
BS> 
BS> This may be an old thread by now, but I will back Zaynab up here.  Though
BS> the accusations are predominantly by the wife against the husband, it 
oes
BS> go the other way also.  We know a woman in prison since '89 (with about
BS> two years to go) who was victimized by such an accusation, cooked up by
BS> hubby and his girlfriend (later wife) to get the house, the kids, every-
BS> thing, and Debbie out of the way.
   Thanks, Bill, for your loving and kind response.  This is a real "issue" 
for me because it happened to me.  (I am female.) My ex-husband refused to
allow me to see my daughters after I was foolish enough to trust him with
them.  Then when I tried insisting on having fair visitation rights, his
live-in girlfriend had a talk with my daughter, and amazingly enough my
daughter suddenly remembered being molested by my son.  My ex-husband used
this accusation against me in court and though it was many years ago I still
have not had the bounty of having my own daughters in my home in the last six
years.  My daughters' minds are very poisoned against me now and they don't
even want to know me because there is no court order against me for child
support and they all resent that their dad couldn't get one because I live in
poverty.  Their father wants me to suffer as much as possible, and resents
that he can't get me financially.  He was physically abusive when we were 
together; that is just his psychological profile, to want to continue hurting 
me for years afterwards.  
   My older son no longer lives with me and hasn't for several years, but I 
m
still not allowed to have my daughters in my home because of this old court
order to keep them away from him.  My ex husband won't let up at all; won't 
give me any slack, even though he has not complied with what the court 
order told him to do (find a more appropriate home than what they now live 
in).  I can't afford to take it back to court, and my daughters wouldn't want 
me to anyway.
   My son went through hell because of this accusation.  Half my family
immediately convicted him in their minds even though there was never any
proof and none of us have ever heard this from my daughter's mouth (I was
told I could not discuss it with her)...  My son lived with his father and
other half sister for a year just prior to the accusation, and never molested
that sister, yet my mom and some others treated him like a total hopeless
lifelong pervert and here he was only 16 years old.  His father and I never
did believe it.  Oh yes, my second ex (the accuser) called my first ex (my
son's father) to report this accusation.  Even though one doesn't want to
disbelieve their own children, my daughters were too filled with other false
perceptions and untrue accusations against me for me to believe anything they
said about molestation.  Of course, nobody wanted to press charges due to the 
unprovable nature of the accusations, but they were enough to convince a 
family court judge to limit my visitation rights severely.
Well, it is because of this very painful ongoing experience in my background 
that I tend to bristle when I read hateful messages against women in general 
being the sole perpetrators making these accusations.  It is true that my
daughter's accusation against my son came from a conversation with my ex's
girlfriend, but my ex fell for it totally, and used it against me in court,
where another man, the mediator, took the accusation and actually added more
false BS to it to where he believed with no proof at all that my son had been
mastrubating in front of my daughter.  I was in the mediator's office
listening to this with my ex, and I turned to my ex and said, "I never heard
-that- before," and my ex was smirking rather obviously and said, "Neither
did I." It all came from the sick mediator's imagination!  Well, it is
because of these male sickos that I have no real relationship with my
daughters, and because of this I resent men making hateful statements about 
women in general, implying that women only are the ones who do these things.
It is only fair to acknowledge that men do it too, and many women are out 
there suffering because of false accusations men made.  When I hear about a 
case like Debbie's, I hurt so much inside.  Well, when I hear about any false 
case, whether against a man or a woman, I feel the same.  I don't understand 
sexual prejudices any better than I understand racial prejudices.
I know that this scenario (my family law case) is very mild compared to the
tragedy you and your wife and children have been put through, however.  I 
have known about what happened to you for years.  Thanks for backing me up on
this one, though.
BS> The case of Debbie's DayCare snowballed (back in '85) and by the time it
BS> went to trial we were hearing lots in the local media about this "Satanic
BS> Lesbian Child-Molesting Daycare Owner."  We met Debbie a year later, on a
BS> protest march in Olympia (she recognized us and felt it was safe to 
eveal
BS> her identity to us, such was her state of mind back then), and finally 
ot
BS> to hear the other side of the story.
My heart goes out to Debbie.  I just don't have words to describe the way I 
feel about the perpetrators of such sick and false accusations.  All I can do 
is stew in my resentment and anger and wish them intense suffering, and since 
I'm a religious person, this doesn't sit well with me.  I want to be 
orgiving
and loving to one and all, but since I am very well informed of the problems 
of false accusations and child "welfare" kidnappings, it is very, very hard 
o
turn my back on.  I can't seem to find a middle ground that I feel 
omfortable
with.  How do you handle it?
Zaynab
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