* Crossposted from: GeminiHumor
 Just wanted to spread some Christmas cheer and generate some mail traffic.
      Christmas Carols         
FROM:  JEAN-LUC PICARD (tune of "Let It Snow"):
           Oh, the vacuum outside is endless,
           Unforgiving, cold, and friendless,
           But still we must boldly go--
           Make it so, make it so, make it so!
FROM:  WILLIAM RIKER (tune of "Deck the Halls"):
           Here's a vexing Christmas riddle:
           (Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la, la la)
           Why must I play second fiddle?
           (Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la, la la)
           How can I impress Deanna
           (Fa-la-la, la-la-la, la la la)
           When I'm number two banana?
           (Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la, la la)
FROM: WESLEY CRUSHER, Starfleet Cadet (tune of "God Rest Ye Merry 
entlemen"):
           I'm at Starfleet Academy,
           And I'd just like to say
           I miss the opportunity
           To weekly save the day--
           To make things worse, I have to be
           In some dumb Christmas play!
           Yes, I'm bright, though I'm just a teenaged boy,
           Only a boy,
           And the Enterprise was my most favorite toy!
FROM:  DATA (tune of "Jingle Bells")
           Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells,
           Jingle all the way!
           Oh, what fun it is to ride
           In a one-horse open sleigh--
           or so I am reliably informed; lacking a subjective
           and intuitively perceived referent for the term "fun,"
           I am able only to report the phenomenon as experienced
           by others, whose individual perceptions somewhat colour the--
           yes, sir.
WORF E-MAILED two different greetings.
The first appears to be to the tune of "White Christmas":
           I'm dreaming of a dead Pakled,
           Just like the one in Rec Deck Eight.
           They all think they've hidden,
           But this one didn't,
           And I'm using him as bait.
           I'm dreaming of a dead Pakled--
           Their mental skills are rather lame.
           May your foes die sonless, in shame--
           And I hope you're wishing me the same!
The second is most easily sung to the tune of "The Christmas Song" 
("Chestnuts Roasting on an Open Fire"):
           Phasers flashing in the depths of space,
           Ripping up an airtight hull;
           Signs of fear on your enemy's face,
           And life-support signs reading null!
           Ev'rybody knows a Romulan's a spineless foe
           Who lacks the Klingon will to fight!
           Phaser beams set his torso aglow--
           He'll find it hard to breathe tonight!
           He knows that Worf is on his way!
           And soon he'll be the object of the verb "to slay"!
           And ev'ry slinking Rom and Pakled spy
           Will soon become the subject of the verb "to die"!
           And so I'm offering this simple threat
           To Roms, and all Ferengi, too:
           You'll be as dead as a life-form can get--
           Merry Christmas to you!
Evidence suggests that these last two greetings are samples from a proposed 
anthology entitled "Klingon Kristmas Karols," published by the Federation as 
an attempt to translate certain aspects of Terran culture into Klingon terms; 
further examples from this festive book of holiday glee would be (to coin a 
term) fascinating to contemplate. The reader will note that Christmas 
felicitations from Deanna Troi, Beverly Crusher, Geordi LaForge, Guinan, and 
M.E.  O'Brien are curiously absent; perhaps some other user has intercepted 
these, and will post them for our continued edification.
Enjoy!
___ Blue Wave/OS2 v2.30 [NR]
--- InterEcho 1.19
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