In my, post-relapse, experience, I found that insight is cheap.  
Knowing why I picked up a drink, won't stop me from picking up another 
one - for a different reason.  I drank to celebrate a victory, or to 
mourn a defeat.   I drank wine with ex-husbands to get romantic and 
then I drank wine the next morning because the no-good bum wouldn't get
a job.  reason at all and just because it was there.  When I got sober 
I learned a lesson - the important question for me isn't WHY, but HOW.
HOW do I stay sober THIS ONE DAY - today?  WHAT do I have to do ?
.
By the way, I also found out that I couldn't even begin to deal with my
codepenedency issues until I was sober and willing to take some time 
out from ALL romantic relationships for a couple of years - one to work
on staying sober and then another to work on finding me.  Most Coda and
Al-Anon groups and such-like (COSA, Nar-Anon, Gam-Anon, etc_) STRONGLY 
reccomend a year's sobriety before one gets involved in these other 
fellowships.  I found that Al-Anon only worked for me when I was sober 
quite a long time and willing to follow it's suggestions too - as well 
as AA's.
.
Interestingly enough,  Robin Norwood, author of Women Who Love Too Much
and editor/contributor to Letters from Women Who Love Too Much, and a 
licensed therapist specializing in the field of unhealthy 
relationships, who takes a 12 step recovery approach to doing so, (esp.
in her second book) also says this - that she ALWAYS tells her clients 
who are addicted to whatever substance to deal with the substance abuse
and get sober first, because otherwise therapy will be a waste and so 
will working on their relationship addictions.
--- TriToss (tm) Professional 11.0 - #66
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