Message-ID: 

An IWS Press Release

Internet Wrestling Syndicate
http://www.syndicatewrestling.com
Chomedey, Laval, Québec, CANADA

Sunday, May 18th, 2003

*FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE*

Onyx Defends Title Beating ³Best Wrestler in Quebec²

    Onyx pinned EXcesS69 outside of the ring in a falls count anywhere match
that raged from one end of the sold-out Le Skratch to the other. EXcesS69,
who many experts consider the best wrestler in Quebec, was a surprise
opponent for Onyx, originally scheduled to face the One Man War, Arsenal.

    Before the show, IWS ring announcer Brian the Guppie, of Team 990¹s
Between the Ropes, announced the release of a new line of IWS merchandise
including t-shirts, hooded sweat-shirts, spaghetti strap ladies shirts,
thongs and the just released IWS DVD Know Your Enemies which joins the
already released IWS DVDs, Season¹s Beatings, Violent Valentine, Summer
Slaughter and Blood, Sweat and Beers.

    The opening bout between IWS newcomers Jeff Johnson and Darren Knife was
ruled a no-contest after 2:22 when Arsenal, Evil Ninja Number Two and TV¹s
Iron Mike Patterson rushed the ring and destroyed both men. Iron Mike
Patterson screamed, ³I am the the most successful manager in IWS history! I
manage the Number One Contender Arsenal, and I also manage the Number Two
Contender Evil Ninja Number Two!² Arsenal declined his shot at Onyx¹s title
belt, saying, ³I was at La Ronde last week riding the Monster and I was hit
by a bird. I have suffered serious head trauma! I have an ear infection! As
the Number One Contender, I will face Onyx when I choose to.²

    At this point, Onyx rushed the ring and attacked the three men. Despite
some early success, Onyx began losing the numbers game until he received
unexpected aid: the surprise return of former two-time IWS champion the
Sexxx Exxxpress, Sexxxy Eddy. Angry at Eddy¹s interference, Iron Mike
Patterson challenged him to face Evil Ninja Number Two later in the show.
Onyx then issued an open challenge to any IWS wrestler to face him in the
main event. 

    The IWS tag team champions, Hi-5, refused to fight the Flying Hurricanes
instead forcing them to confront their bodyguard, Kurt Lauderdale, in a
handicap match. With some timely help from Hi-5, Kurt beat the Flying
Hurricanes in 9:40 pinning both Hurricanes after lifting them both on his
shoulders for his ³Career Killer² Fireman¹s Carry Spine Buster.

    In scheduled action, the Green Phantom pinned El Generico in 16:34,
despite a courageous showing by the Latin Luchador. The Green Phantom was in
the process of accepting Onyx¹s open challenge when his mike was cut off and
Commissioner Joseph FitzMorris, from backstage, booked EXcesS69 in the main
event. Furiously angry, the Green Phantom lured El Generico back to the ring
to shake his hand in respect. Once El Generico was in the ring, the Green
Phantom attacked, threatening to Ganso Bomb the Tijuana native. When IWS
junior official the Red Rooster intervened, the Green Phantom changed his
mind, instead opting to body slam both men simultaneously.

    Fred le Merveille, the IWS¹ personal language police, came out to
announce that his match with Los Latinos was cancelled. Claiming that the
separatist Parti Québecois had lost the recent provincial election because
of the ethnic vote, Fred said that he had had ³Les Ethniques² Latinos beaten
and deported to their native Peru. Following this announcement, the Angry
Aryans hit the ring. Taking the mike, Damian ranted, ³We want to apologize
for what we said to black people. We want to apologize for what we said to
Jewish people. We were wrong. Our real problem... c¹est qu¹il y a encore des
asti d¹Anglais au Québec!² Fred, Damian and Viking formed a new group on the
spot called ³Le Syndicat de Lutte Internet² and as their first act, Fred
booked himself in a title match with Damian against IWS tag team champions
Hi-5. In the subsequent match, Hi-5 beat the ILS in 16:46 leading Fred to
protest, ³On c¹est fait voler la victoire!²

    After their victory, Hi-5¹s Beef Wellington told the sold-out crowd,
³You just saw the best tag team in IWS history. We have beaten everybody!
Since there in no competition left for us in the IWS, we are retiring these
tag team belts. Tonight is the last night that you will see them defended.²
This brought out IWS President Seska who pointed out, ³You don¹t have the
authority or the right to retire those belts. Your Daddy may own Westmount,
but he doesn¹t own the IWS... My goal is to revolutionize the tag team
division, and the revolution starts now... You want competition? June 14th,
at Scarred For Life, you get to defend the titles against this competition!
>From CCW, the hottest tag team in Canada, Xtreme Revolution!²

    During the impromptu match between Evil Ninja Number Two and the Sexxx
Exxxpress, Sexxxy Eddy, fans were left seeing double when three minutes into
the match a second Evil Ninja hit the ring to attack Eddy. For a brief
moment the fans believed that the Hardcore Ninjas had reformed, until the
first Evil Ninja took off his mask to reveal that he was Arsenal. Evil Ninja
Number Two took advantage of this subterfuge to gain control of the
encounter but Eddy rallied. In the ensuing battle, where both men refused to
lose, Evil Ninja Number Two finally pinned the Sexxx Exxxpress, Sexxxy Eddy
in 27:57, but it took two ³Pearl Harbor² top rope chair assisted leg drops
and Iron Mike Patterson holding down Eddy¹s legs to do it.

    Before the main event, EXcesS69 came to the ring wearing a neck brace
protecting the neck injured by Green Phantom¹s Ganso Bomb the month before
at Freedom to Fight. Taking the mike, EXcesS69 said, ³This is not a fair
fight. Look at the size of you and look at the size of me. You are bigger
than I am. You are stronger than I am. I want this to be a fair fight.²
Taking off his neck brace, EXcesS69 declared, ³Now it¹s a fair fight.²

    During the main event, a falls count anywhere match, Onyx and EXcesS69
fought from one end of Le Skratch to the other. After 27:16, it appeared
that EXcesS69 had the match won when he Sunset Flipped the 325 pound Onyx
off a ladder, but a timely distraction by Arsenal prevented the three count.
Following that reprieve, Onyx ensured his victory by Super-Plexing EXcesS69
off the ladder through a table on the outside and pinning him in the
wreckage at 29:45. 

    The next IWS show is Scarred For Life, scheduled for June 14th, at Le
Skratch, 965 Cure Labelle, Chomedey, Laval, Québec. Tickets are twelve
dollars at the door. For information about the show e-mail
ticket{at}syndicatewrestling.com or visit the Internet Wresting Syndicate at
their web-site: syndicatewrestling.com. For information about IWS
merchandise & DVDs e-mail merchandise{at}syndicatewrestling.com or order from
www.emaxwrestlingtapes.com. 


--- Internet Rex 2.29