Hello, welcome to the psychiatric hotline:
If you're obsessive-compulsive, please press 1 repeatedly.
If you're co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2.
If you have multiple personalities, please press 3, 4, 7 and 9.
If you're paranoid-delusional, we know who you are ... just stay on the
line so we can trace this call.
If you're schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will tell you
which number to press.
If you're manic-depressive it doesn't matter which number you press ...
no-one will answer.
If you have an oppositional personality disorder, smash the receiver
against the wall several times and we'll get back to you.
If you're contemplating suicide please hold for the next available
representative.
... This is more exciting than Woody Allen on Valium.
--- PPoint 2.00
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