I thought I heard Tim Dill (1:116/3000.13) say: 
 ->> Marge, I have been feeling very uncomfortable here in NYC meetings
 ->> so there had to be a problem with the system (so my logical mind says)
of course.  they don't do it right.   "we did it THIS way in California..."
it is ALWAYS california that quote refers to...dunno why...
 ->> It's another one of my ongoing spiritual crises.
and, this time, not one you necessarily manufactured.
there is SO much difference between clubhouse meetings and hanging out, and 
small group in a basement meetings.  HUGE difference.  and then there's 
brooklyn and southern california....   ACK!  I don't care if you WERE borne 
and raised there, darlin, the move back still was culture shock...and your 
recovery was as much (or more!) culture shocked than the rest of you...
 ->> I realized that MY WAY AINT WORKING ANY MORE......
drats!
 ->> There you have it. I was using the argument to distract me from
 ->> that uncomfortable feeling in the pit of my stomach.
oh...nooooo.  ick...  
 ->> I was running as fast as I could to not feel it. I was keeping my
 ->> head busy. I was living there. I have yet to find another sponsor
 ->> that I could "click" with. I found a few, but some if not most
 ->> of the 10+ folks here have not worked the steps (at their own admission)
 ->> so the search is still on.
yeah...I hear that...and it's hard...being rudderless in a storm sometimes.
 ->> I have forgotten the simplest things. Gratitude....prayer... 
ditations.
 ->> It shows in my 'tude. I was picking at a scab on my psyche.
yep.
 ->> I have been hiding out at the 12&12 meeting on monday nights even if
 ->> I was making coffee.
yep.  god forbid anyone should know you are NOT 'fine'...
 ->> I wanted a vacation, to recharge. Instead I got the crazies....
 ->> I knew that I was way out there as soon as I saw people agreeing with
 ->> me here.
no comment...but a laugh out loud!!!!   I do love it...
 ->> I saw others trying to force me to "think into better actions" so I 
 ->> retaliated in kind. 
 ->> My thinking, ah that blob of gray jello between my ears has placed
 ->> me on "the outside" again.
yep.
 ->> So I thought like an outsider.
 ->> Not healthy ya ask me...
 ->> My life as a MEMBER has not been easy here, the transition was not the
 ->> way I painted it. So I rebelled...
how DARE it not be how you wanted it.
my 'cross the hall' sponsor talks about needing to know how something is 
gonna look.... that even with all the faith that the future, that whatever is 
gonna be what she needs and what is good for her...she still wants to know 
what it's gonna look like.   and it doesn't look like you thought it would.
 ->> Gack... I can't believe how stupid I was... I fell into the pitfall
 ->> and I saw no way out... until I went to the Sunday meeting and
 ->> heard what I needed to hear.
 ->> and bottomed out on my stuff....
 ->> I have too much time on my hands ;-)
yep.
have you asked the brooklyn intergroup if you can stuff envelopes or answer 
phones or do SOMETHING for them?  intergroup offices always need volunteers.
have you asked the brooklyn intergroup if they have a 12 step list...list of 
folks to call when someone needs an AA...  or if they have a speaker list.  
what service opportunities there are?
if they don't have any jobs going begging...... hmmm.  if you were here in 
nashville and for one reason or other couldn't do volunteer work at central 
office and were low on the list for speakers, etc...  I'd suggest you get 
yourself down to the union rescue mission and see if they need someone to 
help serve lunch or dinner...
this, too, is a way to give back...  sort of a there but for the grace of 
whoever...
"yon timothy has a lean and hungry look.  he thinks too much, such men are 
dangerous"              Shakespeare didn't add 'to themselves'... but he 
could/should have.
ah, Tim...  what we do to ourselves.
get out of the house and go to work...  somewhere...  for a while..  
and don't bother looking for the email...seems I typed it all here. 
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