re - the problem is that the healthier I become, the less they (12 step
programs) have to offer me - BOY OH BOY, can I relate to that.  It used
to be that wasn't the case as most groups had people with 20, 30 or 
more years; however, more and more I see that I am the person with the 
most sobriety when I DO go to meetings - and I am coming up only on ten
years.  Used to be a time when that was a drop in the bucket.
.
And it's all well and good to keep coming to help another person as 
this does help me stay sober another day; however, I wish I had someone
else's experience, strength and hope to turn to in dealing with other 
stuff too.  FOR ME that would be a lot of help, I think.  So where have
all the old-timers gone?   I don't know, but I have a clue - dropped 
out due to the same problems, boredom and nobody to share as equals.
I can imagine it sometimes gets old really fast to have to keep up 
appearances that everything is fine and AA is fanttastic and all when 
your having a really bad day.  On the other hand, one doesn't want to 
disillusion the newcomers and have them leave thinking AA doesn't work,
if one shares honestly.  It's become a dilemna for me, most certainly.
.
One thing that has really helped me is a little book that has a method 
in it for self-appraisal on a daily basis that is how I work my tenth 
step and how I deal with "stinking thinking" when it occurs.  It's got 
me out of many a really horrid space, when I use it.  It's a rather 
vulcan method of analysis; however, since I can be overly-emotional, I 
find it works for me.  I find I need that kind of psychological 
self-help - and professional help too, I go to therapy.  I've also used
other twelve step programs to help solve other problems of living.   
And I've learned that besides the 11th step, which certainly is 
crucial, I need to exercise daily and take care of myself on more 
mundane levels.
.
I'm still a long way from "practising these principles in all my 
affairs (endeavors)", so I guess I have got to keep working on it.
But I do wish I had more people to call on for help who do have more 
time sober than me and more experience living sober, as a result.
That's one of the things I get from these echoes.
--- TriToss (tm) Professional 10.0 - #66
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