Message-ID: 

Here's my review of the latest outing from WWE (WrestleMania), based
on "how much money was this match worth?"  At the end, I add it all
up and see if the PPV as a whole was worth the sum of its matches.

This was the lowest turnout at the sports bar I think I've ever seen
for a PPV.  That's weird, since I think the guy collecting cover
charge collected more than for just about any other PPV (because he
stayed at the door instead of wandering away and letting people get
in for free).

I didn't see Sunday Night Heat, and only saw the last minute or so
of the PPV Preview channel's hype, so I don't know if there was
anything there that would have added to the PPV experience.

1.  Nowinski & Rodney Mack over Dudley Boyz in 7:08

This should not have been on a PPV.  No promo (or commentary) by
Teddy Long.  They should have booked a women's match and put this
thing on Heat instead.  Nowinski took off the nose-guard and tried
to use it but Dudley countered.  Nowinski eventually did hit Bubba
with the mask for the win.

MATCH RATING: $0.25

Steve Austin defeated Eric Bischoff in a burping contest, even
though they piped in someone else's burp for the last of Austin's
three attempts.  It didn't help that they turned the sound all the
way up as well (so when Eric was clearing his throat it echoed
throughout the arena).  

RATING: $0.15 (only because Terri was nipping out)


2.  Scott Steiner over Test for Stacy in 6:27

Steiner blew the very first move (he tried to jump off the apron
onto Test, but he slipped and fell forward onto the outside mats
instead).  That didn't bode well for the rest of the match.  Test
shoved Stacy down when she tried to take a chair from him. He swung
the chair at Steiner, but Steiner moved and the chair bounced into
Test's own face leading to the pin.

MATCH RATING: $0.15


3.  Booker T over Christian (who kept the title by getting DQed)

Your basic "bury the hometown guy" match.  Yeah he
"won", but in the
lamest way possible.  This should have been *so* much better.

MATCH RATING: $0.20

Like I said last Monday, they'd work Mae Young (and/or Moolah--but
they usually go for Mae in these types of things) into the poontang
pie contest.  My booking scenario was to have SCSA pick Mae Young
for Eric's "pie".  Bisch would counter by picking Debra as SCSA's
"pie".  SCSA would say "you wanna trade?"  Bisch would
say "no".
Anyway, Bisch had four Houston strippers there for the contest, but
since Eric said he wanted to go first, SCSA said he got to choose
Eric's pie.  Eric agreed, since all four were fine.  As expected,
SCSA picked Mae Young (accompanied by Moolah).  After great facial
expressions from both Eric and SCSA (and MAe, for that matter) Eric
said "no way".  SCSA said that then he would win by forfeit, and
they wouldn't need a third event.  Eric said he would do it and
kissed Mae.  SCSA said "that's not pie--you just kissed her".  Eric
fell into the corner and Mae stripped down to her underwear and did
the bronco-buster on Bisch.  That was something I really didn't need
to see.  Luckily the guy in front of me had his head blocking the
screen for the most part.  Bisch said that it was SCSA's turn, and
Steve said he would just forfeit.  So he stunnered Mae (who didn't
take it that good).

RATING: $0.90


4.  La Resistance over RVD/Kane in 5:48

Kane's pyro went off at the beginning of the match, signaling that
they wouldn't win.  Finish came when RVD flipped over the top rope
to hit La R, but Kane got hit instead.  Yawn.

MATCH RATING: $0.20 (all for RVD)


5.  Goldberg over Chris Jericho in 11:00

This was the first match of the card that was better than I
expected.  Either Goldberg hurt his right arm/shoulder, or he did
the best job of consistently selling it for the remainder of the
match.  Goldberg juiced hardway from one or two places on the top of
his head during the match.  The highlight was when Goldberg went for
a spear on the outside but Jericho moved and Bill speared through
the safety barrier instead.  No real rest holds in an 11-minute
Goldberg match?  Wow.

MATCH RATING: $3.00

After the match, Goldberg went up to a guy in the front row who was
wearing a Winnie the Pooh outfit (Tigger, Punisher, and Superman
were next to him) and yelled at him for having a Jericho-holic sign.
Pooh didn't back down.  Pooh is my new hero.  This was doubly funny,
since I was at an indie card last year in Minneapolis where there
was a guy drunk off his ass who was wearing the same Winnie the Pooh
outfit.

RATING: $1.00


6.  Ric Flair over Shawn Michaels in 14:19

Flair (shirtless) got in his chops on several occasions, did a
slo-mo Flair Flip over the turnbuckle, and won with help from Randy
Orton.  I expected Michaels to go over (despite it being from
Texas).  Very good match from both guys.  Not either guy's best
match, but considering how infrequently Michaels has wrestled and
how old Flair is--this was much better than the first four matches
combined.  Both Flair and Michaels juiced hardway from a table spot.
Michaels set up a table on the outside, put Flair on it, and jumped
off the top turnbuckle.  HBK was cut under his left arm and Flair
was bleeding from the back of his head/neck.  HBK and the ref both
got a groin shot from Flair in the corner earlier.

MATCH RATING: $3.00

The third Redneck contest was a singing contest.  I predicted that
SCSA would lip-synch with Lillian Garcia singing behind him (since
he already lip-synched the belching contest).  Instead, Eric
lip-synched to his own theme song.  SCSA called him on it, so Eric
sung his own theme song.  He did okay for an amateur.  SCSA said
that he wouldn't be able to do any better.  That sounded like a
forfeit to me, but SCSA said that they would spin the wheel for a
fourth event.  He spun the wheel and stopped it himself on the pig
pen match.  Austin threw Bischoff into a hog pen to win the Redneck
Triathlon 2-1

RATING: $0.60


7.  HHH over Kevin Nash in 21:02

Before the opening bell I predicted triple blood.  Since it started
at about 15 past the hour, I didn't think anyone would blade until
15 minutes into the match, so they wouldn't get light-headed in what
was set to be a 30-minute match.  For some reason, the PPV ended
after only about two and a half hours, so all three men bladed
early.  No one escaped the cage.  No one climbed the cage.  Other
than a few spots of people getting pushed into the cage--it wasn't
really used at all.  HHH found a tool box under the ring and used a
hammer on Nash to set up the first blade job.  Then he brought in a
screwdriver.  Later, a (rubber) barbed-wire 2x4 was brought out from
under the ring, used on Nash's gut, and then over various people's
heads.  HHH won with a pedigree.  Better match than I really
expected from Nash/HHH.

MATCH RATING: $2.95


- = - = - = - = - = - = - = - = - = - = - = - = - = - = - = - = -

TOTAL MATCH RATINGS: $9.75

TOTAL SKIT RATING: $2.65

TOTAL PPV RATING: $12.40

WWE price of the PPV: $39.99?  Or are the non-Mania PPVs still
$34.99?  Either way, I didn't my money's worth.

I spent about $3.90 in gas and $28.00 on food and booze, so by that
token I didn't get my money's worth either.

This was the worst of the three PPVs I've seen this year, but I went
into it expecting it to be bad (since none of the PPVs after WM
looked good on paper).

Thanks to CRZ and pwTorch for the match results, so I didn't have to
scribble down notes instead of enjoying the PPV.

A rating of $12.40 comes out to a .310 rating on the zero to one
scale, or a 4 on the one to ten scale.

This review is also available at:

	http://Hack-Man.com/Movies/HackMovieRatings

along with a about 700 features I've rated and over 120 movies I've
reviewed.

Reviews are also stored in the lowbrary database which can be
accessed at:

	http://www.lowgenius.com/lowbrary/ottobase.asp

- = - = - = - = - = - = - = - = - = - = - = - = - = - = - = - = -

For comparison, here's what I thought of the PPVs I saw in the last
couple of years:

WWF Wrestlemania 1998         1998/03/   unrated
WCW Spring Stampede 1998      1998/04/19 $24.10
WWF IYH: Unforgiven 1998      1998/04/26 $ 9.95
WCW Slamboree 1998            1998/05/17 $27.95
WCW Great American Bash 1998  1998/06/14 $28.05
WWF King of the Ring 1998     1998/06/28 $22.50
WCW Bash at the Beach 1998    1998/07/12 $17.35
ECW Heatwave 1998             1998/08/02 $24.90
WCW Road Wild 1998            1998/08/08 $29.80
WWF IYH: Fully Loaded 1998    1998/07/26 $ 6.95
WWF SummerSlam 1998           1998/08/30 $10.20
WCW Fall Brawl 1998           1998/09/13 $23.60
WWF Judgement Day 1998        1998/10/18 $25.10
WCW Halloween Havoc 1998      1998/10/25 $49.50
ECW November to Remember 1998 1998/11/01 $25.75
WWF Survivor Series 1998      1998/11/15 $21.40
WWF IYH: Rock Bottom 1999     1998/12/13 $ 8.40
ECW Guilty as Charged 1999    1999/01/10 $26.10
WCW Souled Out 1999           1999/01/17 $29.10
WWF Royal Rumble 1999         1999/01/24 $23.00
WWF St Val Day Massacre 1999  1999/02/14 $20.90
WCW SuperBrawl 1999           1999/02/21 $21.35
WCW Uncensored 1999           1999/03/14 $32.00
ECW Living Dangerously 1999   1999/03/21 $25.90
WCW Spring Stampede 1999      1999/04/11 $38.00
WCW Slamboree 1999            1999/05/09 $21.10
ECW Hardcore Heaven 1999      1999/05/09 $15.30
WWF King of the Ring 1999     1999/06/27 $13.40
WCW Bash at the Beach 1999    1999/07/11 $20.70
WWF Fully Loaded 1999         1999/07/25 $10.80
WCW Road Wild 1999            1999/08/14 $13.90
WWF SummerSlam 1999           1999/08/22 $19.05
WCW Fall Brawl 1999           1999/09/12 $12.85
ECW Ararchy Rulz 1999         1999/09/19 $32.25
WWF No Mercy 1999             1999/10/17 $13.00
WCW Halloween Havoc 1999      1999/10/24 $ 3.35
ECW November to Remember 1999 1999/11/07 $28.45
WWF Survivor Series 1999      1999/11/14 $10.95
WCW Meyhem 1999               1999/11/21 $17.75
WWF Armageddon 1999           1999/12/12 $22.05
WCW Starrcade 1999            1999/12/19 $23.65
ECW Guilty as Charged         2000/01/09 $25.70
WCW Souled Out                2000/01/16 $13.20
WWF Royal Rumble              2000/01/23 $20.00
WWF No Way Out                2000/02/27 $16.95
ECW Living Dangerously        2000/03/12 $21.80
WCW Uncensored                2000/03/19 $21.65
WWF WrestleMania              2000/04/02 $22.05
WCW Spring Stampede           2000/04/16 $23.70
WWF Backlash                  2000/04/30 $25.65
WCW Slamboree                 2000/05/07 $23.55
ECW Hardcore Heaven           2000/05/14 $23.05
WWF Judgment Day              2000/05/21 $11.25
WCW Great American Bash       2000/06/11 $16.55
WWF King of the Ring          2000/06/25 $ 1.40
WCW Bash at the Beach         2000/07/09 missed
ECW Heat Wave                 2000/07/16 $15.50
WWF Fully Loaded              2000/07/23 $24.40
WCW New Blood Rising          2000/08/13 $31.00
WWF SummerSlam                2000/08/27 $24.90
WCW                           2000/09/17 missed
WWF Unforgiven                2000/09/24 $16.65
ECW Anarchy Rulz              2000/10/01 $21.30
ECW                           2000/11/   missed
WWF Survivor Series           2000/11/   missed
ECW Massacre on 34th Street   2000/12/03 $ 9.65
WWF                           2000/12/   missed
ECW Guilty As Charged         2001/01/07 $15.70
WWF                           2001/01/   missed
WCW Superbrawl Revenge        2001/02/18 $37.60
WCW Greed                     2001/03/   missed
WWF WrestleMania              2001/04/01 $29.50
WWF                           2001/05/   missed
WWF King of the Ring          2001/06/24 $16.55
WWF Invasion                  2001/07/22 $15.25
WWF SummerSlam                2001/08/   missed
WWF                           2001/09/   missed
WWF                           2001/10/   missed
WWF Survivor Series           2001/11/18 $11.25
WWF Royal Rumble              2002/01/20 $14.15
WWF No Way Out                2002/02/17 $ 3.40
WWF WrestleMania              2002/03/17 $25.30/$36.40
WWF King of the Ring          2002/06/23 $ 6.55/$10.15
NWA TNA                       2002/08/14 $11.60/$12.20
WWF SummerSlam                2002/08/25 $21.10/$21.10
WWF Unforgiven                2002/09/22 $17.50/$21.15
WWF No Mercy                  2002/10/20 $16.85/$20.00
WWF Survivor Series           2002/11/17 $ 7.50/$9.20
WWF Royal Rumble              2003/01/19 $19.55/$19.55
WWF WrestleMania XIX          2003/03/30 $22.55/$23.45
WWF Bad Blood                 2003/06/15 $ 9.75/$12.40

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