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The Rap Sheet - from the Crimefighter
New Midwest Wrestling's Revolution II
6/28/2K3, Springfield, IL

There was a Revolution? I think I prefer the status quo!

This rap sheet is posted in http://www.newmidwest.com/forum,
news:rec.sport.pro-wrestling.info a newsgroup that many wrestling
organizations could utilize to spread info about their shows but don't, and
the archive of all the ones I've written are stored in
http://abermud.tripod.com/rapsheet.

Nothing of note happened over the past month, other than there's been an
emergence of a mole. A mole? Yes, A MOLE! And it's driving people NUTS
behind the scenes! And what has the mole been saying? That Real World Jeremy
has more wrong with him than just the knee; the choppers have had to visit
the dentist a couple of times. That Scotty Cash has been nursing a bad
shoulder the entire month or so and couldn't train. Some critic of mine who
should be sent to the psycho ward actually works there. Stan Sallinger has
had to pick up the slack for Witchy who claims to be so busy. And there's
been other goofy bits of gossip. I saw ads on Monday Night RAW for that
other wrestling school, but an ad for NMW's school and show following RIGHT
after it for a side-by-side comparison.

Tonight's show started a full half hour earlier but the doors opened 20
minutes late, though reasons why differ depending on who you ask. Inside it
was pretty dark as they only used one row of lights because they have set up
a nifty looking "titantron" next to the entryway. And they made good use of
it all evening. Your ring announcer is Jimmy "The Bruiser" Osbourne, your
commentary team is Rich Weities, James McCloud, and Spencer(?). Sheesh, why
am I having so much trouble remembering the commentary team? Probably cause
I can't hear them. Gonna have to borrow a tape to hear how they call the
action.

Show starts off with Guy Smith and Doug Fraze coming out with a good entry
video. "All Female" chant, and Smith wants everyone to look at the belt
hanging above the ring, it's HIS belt, he stopped Tom Arson, beat Rip
Mystic. He says that Scotty Cash we were cool for a little bit now where is
he? He's nowhere. He's gonna show everyone what it means to swim with the
Bigg Boyz. Nice reference to the BBI. Real World Jeremy found out last month
what it's like to swim with the Big Shows, Bigg Boyz when he broke his ankle
and he'll never be back. Boring chant. He has the honor to present the
newest star of NMW. He's a future champ, last month he showed him the
courage and guts to do what it takes to get ahead. Coming down the aisle
with the lovely Emily Darling (Darling is her last name then?) here is NEW
WORLD QUINTEN. Hey they're taking the gimmick name I came up with and
running. Glad "Different World" didn't stick. I hear an "oh
my gawd" in the
crowd as I hold up a sign I made last night, a takeoff of the New World
Order logo and show it off to people nearby. Well Quinten comes out
here..."Well, they actually did use my sign didn't they! Yep, they did!
Hahahaha!" Guy says, that's good thanks. "They can thank me for making that
little graphic." Guy thanks Quinten for having the foresight to step out
from his brother's shadow, he looks great but there's one problem. He tosses
the shades and gives him a red headband. High fives are exchanged. Quinten
screams over the last month he's been asked repeatedly, why Quinten? He says
no one knows him, he HATES his bro. He's mad cause when bullies picked on
him Jeremy was no where to help him. He no longer has a brother named
Jeremy, he's got a brother named Guy. Music hits and Stan Sallinger and Eric
Logan come out.

Overthrown President Battlin' Stan Sallinger (0-2) 6'3", 260lbs.
Springfield, IL & Eric Logan (3-5) 5'10" 173lbs. Palm Springs, FL (2-1) vs.
Danger Doug Fraze (1-1) 6'6" 275lbs. Chicago, IL & "New
World" Quinten Tyler
(0-0) 5'11", 230lbs. Denver, CO (debut) w/ Guy Smith & Emily Darling - Your
referee is James Welden! This was an oddball signing of a match in my view.
First Fraze dumps his tag partner Scotty Cash and breaks up Dangerous
Investment for no apparently reason other than being a sore loser, then
takes Quinten, who hasn't had a match before as his new partner after doing
the song and dance that his brother is a jerk and doesn't want him to
wrestle at all. Quinten with Fraze and Guy Smith destroyed Real World
Jeremy's leg, while Quinten also wrecked his teeth. Can't say Jeremy has
never wrecked someone else's teeth, Doug's mouth complete with braces was
tore up by a pedigree. Sallinger and Logan should had been the ones with the
tag title shot and got put in this match. And Guy Smith doesn't go to the
back, oh boy I can see where it might be going. Stan and Logan need to
switch back to the "woohoo" music cause the "o'le o'le"
music just doesn't
work. Last point before the match, I added one win to Logan's record for the
battle royal victory that before I just counted as a tiebreaker between
wrestlers with equal records. Should had done that a long time ago. Double
leapfrog, double belly to belly, rollup by Danger gets two, Quinten rolled
up for two. Clothesline Stan on NWQ gets two, big boot from Doug on Eric
gets two. Drop kicks get two on the heels. Stan covers his own partner.
Quinten pulls Stan out, spear by Doug on Eric. NWQ and Stan fight outside,
Doug chokes Eric. Order appears to have been restored. Doug double choke,
tag QT. Suplex by QT on Eric, holds on, suplex #2, then a third gets two.
Eric Logan still has boxers on. Whip and side slam by QT. Tag Doug. Irish
whip, side slam Doug. Tag QT, double side slam, cover gets zero. QT kicks
away, choke on the ropes, tag Doug. Shoulders in the corner, suplex from
Doug gets two. Irish whip clothesline Doug, takes a poke at Stan, Doug
chokes Logan. Tag NWQ, punch-away in the corner, double team suplex gets
two. Irish whip Quinten, gets nailed by a spinning heel kick. Eric picks him
up, rolling slam, elbow drop by Eric gets two. Irish whip, charge misses,
belly to belly suplex by NWQ. Tag Doug. Doug punches Eric in the gut, Guy
chokes Eric on the bottom rope while the ref is tied up with Fraze. Doug
chokes him, snap suplex gets two. More punching, Irish whip and Logan and
Fraze have an UGLY collision. This is the point where things start falling
apart. Irish whip, trip by Eric, hops on the ropes, flies backward, gets
caught in a side slam. Arm wringer, pumphandle slam Doug, he goes for a
splash and gets the knees. Does tag Quinten, he knocks Stan off, chokes
Logan, Guy gets a shot in, NWQ punches in the corner, Irish whip weak
clothesline in the corner. Quinten shoves him down, covers and GETS THREE!
James Welden sits there with a confused look on his face as Logan stays
motionless but doesn't call for the bell??? What the heck is that??? Had the
match just been declared over right there it would had been much better for
everyone involved, but NOOOOO...the match continues! Doug is tagged in,
Irish whip clothesline the crowd counts two aloud. Irish whip to the corner,
charges misses, suplex Eric. Eric to the top rope, missile dropkick. Emily
hops on the apron, Doug misses a charge, we get a sloppy collision between
Doug and Quinten, Logan with the 619 (well it's 217 cause we're in
Illinois). Logan with a suicide dive from the top rope onto Quinten outside,
tag Stan. Double clotheslines, double back elbows, double team top rope
neckbreakers for everyone and they gets two. Match goes completely to Hades
as Welden is forcibly yanked out of the ring by Smith to interrupt a count,
then jumps in with a chair and creams Stan. Eric is tossed out, QT covers
Stan, Smith throws the referee back in the ring, somehow that DOESN'T get
them DQ'ed for it and he actually counts three.

WINNERS: "Danger" Doug Fraze & "New World" Quinten
Tyler pin -> (1-0) 13
mins. *

First off, Smith yanked the ref out of the ring and it should had been a DQ
right there like it has in the past when Misty Matthews as manager yanked PT
Starbody out of the ring during an RWJ vs. Smith title match a couple months
ago. Second James Welden is absolutely clueless as heck with the poor
officiating job, and he pretty much admitted he screwed up badly. Third, the
match should have ended when he counted Logan down five minutes ago even if
it wasn't the planned finish. It serves NO good purpose to keep it going
when the crowd knows otherwise. You lose track of the count and don't kick
out, accept that you blew it and hit the showers. There, I've bashed this
poor kid enough, here and in person. I can't say this crapshoot was stolen
cause of Quinten pinning Logan at least five minutes before Guy Smith's
"Official Sports Entertainment Finish" reared its ugly head to make this a
total disaster. Jimmy says what a match and gets boo'ed. Jimmy announces the
July 4th show in Edinburg.

Central Illinois Championship
(c)El Diablo Silverado (8-3) 5'8" 173lbs. Beardstown, IL vs. "The UNDER
Achiever" Billy Morgan (2-4) 5’10" 172lbs. Riverton, IL w/ Kev G, Cherry
Malone & Formerly Nameless Ex-Security Guard JJ Tank -- Morgan had this
match handed to him on a silver platter thanks to Bing Westlake. Cherry
Malone celebrates her birthday today. Tank and Kev are in the ring
challenging EDS while Billy goes outside. Kev gets back in and attacks EDS.
Whip reverse clothesline on Kev, Tank in, drop kick in the gut. Here comes
Billy Morgan, clothesline misses, tilt-a-whirl slam by EDS. Tilt-a-whirl
slam by Billy, Irish whip clotheslines EDS, EDS clotheslines Billy outside.
Baseball slide EDS, Kev and Tank help Billy up and causally move into
position for a suicide dive. Irish whip reversed clothesline from the middle
rope EDS, arm drag, Japanese arm drag, slam, punch in the corner, whip into
the corner, EDS crashes into the post on a charge. Billy hurls EDS into the
post, arm wringer Billy, spinning side suplex gets two. Knee to the
shoulder, Irish whip crossbody from the middle rope gets two. Side elbow
gets two. Tank with a trip, flatliner Billy, hammerlock applied. Irish whip,
double clothesline sends both to the mat. Ref counts, both men up at eight,
they start slugging away. A trip and legs dropped in the gut, EDS to the
top, Billy bounces against the ropes to crotch him, superplex attempt, Billy
is dumped off, Tank tries grabbing him and gets kicked off. Splash off the
top, Cherry Malone is on the apron. Bill attacks EDS but gets hooked into
the Unprettier BAM! Ref counts ONE, as Malone jumps on the apron again,
someone tosses the belt in, EDS yanks her in the ring and gives her the
Michinoku Driver as a birthday present. Beltshot from Billy KO's EDS as the
ref rolls Cherry out and counts three. BLEH! After the show she was
complaining about getting slammed, argued how the belt was acquired just
like I predicted, and I tell her point blank "you jump in the ring during a
match, BAD THINGS WILL HAPPEN TO YOU." A virtual rerun from last month with
all the interference making the match suck.

WINNER and NEW CHAMP: "The Overachiever" Billy Morgan pin ->
(3-4) 9 mins.
*½

What the crap? I knew this was gonna happen. Here comes Eric Logan who
attacks Tank. Yes Logan has a score to settle with Billy cause he screwed
him out of a title shot months ago. Kev sent to the corner, Eric dives on
them both. The thugs are lined up on the match, double leg drop by EDS from
the middle rope. Logan and EDS shake hands as they scream at the heels
leaving. Another awful match. Someone asks Jimmy to name the sponsors, which
he does. Announces the next show July 26th and the finals.

Michael Shard (5-8) 5'8" 160 lbs. Santa Monica, CA vs. "The Cruiserweight
Redneck" Earl Grissom (4-5) 5'10" 170lbs., Rushville, IL - Shard has the
mike and he's screaming he's been here four years and is mad he has to face
Earl Grissom. Incidentally, Earl ranks #3 and Mike ranks #4 in contendership
for the CI Title. He's the only triple crown winner (bzzt bzzt. The CI and
tag title reign were when the NMW was called the MWA so you can't call it a
triple crown really.) and he's beaten every boy in the back and trained most
of them. He hurls a bunch of insults at Earl and tells Ms. Watson he's done
with her screwing him around and he quits. Oh, he FORFEITS!

WINNER: "The Cruiserweight Redneck" Earl Grissom forfeit -> (5-5)

Earl says if he had a better winning streak he wouldn't be outranked by me.
Yep, that's right, now Shard has dropped OUT of contendership completely.
Had he wrestled and won, he'd well, still stayed at #4 while Earl would had
gone to #5. He's out here to wrestle and issues an open challenge. Unknown
music hits and out comes a masked man in blue, a newcomer! The entrance
video reveals his name to be El Pollo Loco. And I keep thinking POLIO. Who
is this guy?

"The Cruiserweight Redneck" Earl Grissom (5-5) 5'10"
170lbs., Rushville, IL
vs. El Pollo Loco (debut) 5'10"? 140lbs., Tijuana, Baja California, Mexico -
We got our first welterweight here, wonder why there just isn't hardly any
wrestlers of that weight class? El Pollo Loco is NOT Chico Es Loco or his
former tag partner. Wrestlers trade moves to start, full nelson by Loco,
yank of the mask by Earl, tip by Loco gets one. Punch, Irish whip, crossbody
attempt and Loco is caught for a slam. Earl with an elbow, suplex, misses a
headbutt. Irish whip reversed elbow shot by Loco gets two. Suplex attempt is
blocked, suplex by Earl, he slaps Loco, they trade punches, shoulder block,
Irish whip, clothesline Earl, spinning neckbreaker. Michael Shard is back
and in the ring, flatliner on Earl, clothesline on Loco, then puts the
Sickle Hold on Loco. Match is now over.

RESULT: NO CONTEST -> 3½ mins. ½*

PT Starbody does nothing to break it up, here comes Stan Sallinger! What are
you doing here Shard, I didn't let you do this crap then and I won't let you
do it now. He only gets embarrassed once per show and he's already got hit
with a chair. Shard says you have me in the tourney next week and you're
gonna cry like that little bastard. Stan says he likes doing that to the
little fish and he's dealing with a big fish. Third bad match in a row, not
the fault of the men wrestling but the fault of Shard himself ruining it!
And it's not like I get this type of finish on RAW and Smackdown every week
a couple of times already. How do I count a no contest, as a draw? Research
indicates that a no contest is tallied separately from everything else in
pro boxing so I'm gonna put it in the books as such.

NMW Tag Team Championship
(c)Sage Ramsey (5-2) 6'4" 268lbs. Peoria, IL & Jason Wells (2-4) 6'0"
230lbs. Kansas City, MO (4-0-2) vs. "Rather Charming" Bradley
Stephens 6'0"
225lbs. Las Vegas, NV (2-2) & Tom Arson (3-6) 6'5" 260lbs. St. Louis, MO
(0-1) - Arson and Stephens are hardly the #1 contenders, but Witchy gives
them the match anyway. Tom says well well well you fans in DECATUR are in
for a treat. He says they are trendsetters and you're in for a treat. He's
an ambassador and was talking to Sage and Wells, they're good guys, they
wanted to say something but they're kind of stupid and asked them to do the
talking for them. "Uh uh uh, eat eat eat eat" "Burger burger
burger"
"Bratwurst bratwurst bratwurst" "Pizza pizza pizza"
That's all they had to
say. Tom and Brad say with the straps they are gonna pick up where they left
off. Out come the champs and charge the ring. James Welden is ref again,
ugh. Fight begins, slug away in the corner, double whip, double punch,
double slam by the champs, double hip toss, and the heels flee. Order is
restored and the match officially starts with Wells and Stephens. Takedown
Wells, arm wringer Brad, arm drag Wells, snapmare Brad, punch, elbow Brad.
Tag Arson. Punch and a slam from Arson, elbow gets two. Irish whip, spear
Wells. Tag Sage, double hip toss. Slug from Sage, Wells and Sage slingshot
Stephens in, Arson tossed in, Wells with a headbutt on the shoulder, Irish
whip to the corner goes Tom, Brad is whipped into Tom, Brad flops down, Tom
drops headfirst into the groin. Headbutt, suplex by Sage. Tom with an
eyepoke, slam, legdrop, tag Brad suplex gets two. Brad with an elbow, whip
to the corner, legdrop gets two. Irish whip reversed boot misses, a second
one from Sage find the mark. Brad comes back with an inverted atomic drop.
Tag Arson, Irish whip clothesline Brad, boot Tom, two suplexes get two. Tag
Stephens, Tom hip tosses Brad onto a prone Sage getting a two count. Slam
Brad, hops on the middle rope, then runs over to the opposite corner jumps
off and misses Sage by a mile. Tom jumps in and knocks Wells off. Brad with
a backbreaker, holds it for Tom to drop a knee on his head that gets two. It
looked like it didn't make contact at all! Which is probably why Sage gives
Tom the FINAL FALL! But he can't cover, tag Stephens, tag Wells.
Clotheslines, arm drags, spinebusters for everyone. Fireman's carry slam on
Brad, Tom is knocked off the top rope by Sage, double team chokeslam
finishes for three! Finally a decent match.

WINNERS and STILL CHAMPS: Sage Ramsey & Jason Wells pin -> (5-0-2) 12 mins.
**½

Capitol City Drink Off
"Big Man on Campus" Garret Ryan (1-0) 6'2" 232lbs.
Carbondale, IL vs. "Toga"
Steve Fisher (1-2) 5'10" 240lbs. Carbondale, IL - Let's go over what I
THOUGHT the rules were for this match. The wrestlers fight for a couple
minutes, then they have to go their corners and consume a beer. This
continues until someone is too drunk, gets pinned, counted out or taps out.
Well it ain't those rules, it would had been better if it was that type of
match, it's just a regular drinking contest. The frat boys broke up last
month after losing a tag match for no good reason. The video has Steve's
face crossed out in the titantron video. Ryan has the mike, he says do we
enjoy coming to this toilet and he wants to be around all these pieces of
crap. He makes threats to members of the audience. He's got unfinished
business with Toga Steve and wants him out here. The video now has Ryan's
face crossed out. Welden and Starbody are in the ring with a six-pack and a
bottle of liquor or scotch. Ryan blames Steve for blowing every title match
and isn't worth wrestling, but the only thing he's good at is drinking.
Steve says you want to challenge me to a drinking contest and he's not lost
one since the 4th grade. They start with a beer and Ryan dumps it on Steve's
shirt. Now we go to the scotch. Shots are poured, they drink. Shot #2 they
guzzle it down. Shot #3, they drink. The buzz isn't gonna occur that quick.
Shot #4, they down it, Garret is starting to grimace. Some stupid chant
erupts from the crowd. Shot #5 is poured, half the bottle is gone, they
drink, Garret is still grimacing, Toga takes the rest of the bottle and
downs the whole thing. Ryan spears Toga and we got a brawl. They are
fighting on the mat, the referees run away, someone comes in the ring, not
wearing a shirt marked security, they get them apart before Ryan throws a
guard against the ropes and hurts him in doing it before he hops over. Ryan
with a suicide dive on security outside. Ryan goes after Toga again, they
fight on the floor. Ryan fights with security, they manage to get them to
the back. No match at all, what a waste of time. Yeah they never billed it
as a match, but NO ONE stood up and corrected me beforehand in saying what
the rules were weeks ahead of time.

Weapon on a Pole Match
Dredd Walker (6-5-1) 5'11" 210lbs. "Purgatory" vs. Bing
Westlake (3-5) 5"10"
165lbs. London, England - Ah, the good old weapon on a pole match. Every
time someone holds one of these things, they don't make clear when the match
is won. Is the match won when the weapon is grabbed first, or is the match
won if you KO the opposition with the weapon and pin him, or can you pin the
opposition without using the weapon at all? Anyway the weapon of choice for
this match is a golf putter. Jimmy says it's no DQ but only the putter
itself can be used as a weapon and pinfalls count after the putter is gotten
off the pole. If it's no DQ what if someone uses a chair? Bing's mad cause
he broke his putter last month cause of the USA chants. Calls Dredd a relic
from the 80's with face paint. He calls El Pollo Loco the chicken at someone
who called him a chicken you idiot. Dredd charges out, wearing street
clothes. Dredd gets the mike, encourages the crowd to let him have it with
the USA chant. Dredd says he's not dressed for a competition tonight, he's
here to hand Bing his arse all over the building and he can go crawling back
to England to that b**** of a queen and that pisses Bing off. Dredd slugs
him down, Dredd flips him over, drop kick to the back of the head. Bing goes
for the putter already but Dredd throws him down. Stomp Dredd, chop.
Clothesline Bing, rake, goes for the club again, gets shoved to the floor
outside. Oh yeah, Bing's cousin is sitting next to me again chanting
"England, England". Outside Dredd rams him into the rail, LOW BLOW Bing,
wondered when we were gonna see one of those. Bing puts Dredd on a chair,
suicide dive Bing into Dredd on the chair. Bing rams him in the rail, to the
commentator's table, then rams him into the wooden stand where a camera used
to be, Dredd back body drops Bing reversing some attempted move, it's hard
to see them now with all the people in the way. Dredd with a clothesline,
Bing with a crossbody on the floor, Bing jumps and hangs from the basketball
hoop to kick Dredd, then do a hurraconranna. Strangely enough it was set at
a height of 6-7 feet as opposed to the other one. Irish whip reversed, Dredd
crashes into the chair rack or was that Bing? Now I can't see them among the
sea of people, neither on the titantron. Back breaker Dredd, Dredd gets a
beer and uses it in some form, can't see. Dredd drags Bing back over the
rail and back in the ring. Dredd goes for the putter and twists it off. Club
shot is blocked, Bing grabs it and gives Dredd a couple of shots, misses a
swing, Dredd kicks him, steals the club, blasts Bing in the head and pins
him with one foot!

WINNER: Dredd Walker pin -> (7-5-1) 7½ mins. **½

Dredd says there you have it, another win in his column. Someone shouts you
suck. Says he's been overlooked. Other people come out whining about being
screwed and he's the only one who pinned Guy Smith. He got screwed as #1
contender for the CI title. He's stuck with mid-card matches, no title shot,
calls Ms. Watson to give him what is rightful his. "Come on Witchy get out
here!" Witchy says who do you think you are I'm busy. If you can go through
the brackets and win the tourney you get a title shot in August. Dredd says
it's not good enough. Dredd says the people are sick he's gotten screwed for
so long and wants his title shot. Witchy says it's his show and she calls
the shots. If he doesn't win the tourney he won't get a shot for a very long
time. Uh yeah Witchy, you don't have ALL the power, and Dredd has quarter
ownership in the company.

Rip Mystic (8-6) 5'8" 180lbs. Hannibal, MO & Lucious P. Cotrane
(3-2) 5’10"
230lbs. "Land of Lucious" (debut) vs. The NEW Cult of RON (debut) Kincaid,
IL - Don't call me "The Khaos Kidd" no more Steven Bishop (2-6)
5'7" 200lbs.
& "Anonymous" (debut) 5'11", 252lbs. w/ RON - Bishop
apparently is on thin
ice and headed out the door if he loses the match. RON's got a crowbar! And
the nameless cult member in black is going to remain anonymous for no good
reason. I'm just gonna dub him with a name, "Blacky". LPC comes to the ring
first, but after Rip is introduced, Witchy comes out instead. Witchy says
she forgot to mention due to an unforeseen situation in the back, Rip Mystic
is unable to come out and he declares this match a handicap match. The cult
is beating the crap out of LPC, LPC comes back, sends out Blacky, punches
Bishop in the corner. Irish whip, splash LPC in the corner, another whip
next to Blacky, a weak splash in the corner, leg trip, groin shot, Blacky
with a clothesline. Stompaway. They just kick away, Bishop with a suplex on
LPC, stomps. Irish whip, back breaker Kidd. Tag Blacky. Punch, suplex into a
slam (jackhammer slam?) that gets two. Irish whip, elbow, leg drop gets two.
Blacky puts LPC in the Camel Clutch, but lets go! Tag Kidd. Irish whip, hip
toss and choke by Kidd. Irish whip, Thesz Press LPC and punches away.
Spinebuster, Boston Crab by LPC which is broken up by Blacky. Kidd with a
Russian leg sweep. Tag Blacky, Kidd ties up the arms for Blacky to kick him.
Blacky puts LPC in Razor's Edge then he tosses him off. Kidd in, double
irish whip, double flapjack gets three! Another disappointment of a match,
mainly cause it was one against two and Rip was gone, what a crock that was.

WINNERS: The NEW Church of RON pin -> (1-0) 5 mins. *½

Rip Mystic is back on the DL with that injury of a herniated disc in the
spine from two months ago coming back to bite him when he wrestled last
month when he shouldn't had about 20 days sooner than he should. RON claims
he beat him up with that crowbar before the match as well. Chances are now
VERY SLIM he'll be able to compete in the AHMT on July 4th, so we now have
an open slot against Doug Fraze. The beatdown continues after the match and
RON prepares to clock LPC with the crowbar. Out comes Sage & Wells for the
save to drive the cult away. Jimmy gives away some T-shirts in a raffle.

NMW Heavyweight Championship - Ladder Match
(c)"NMW Alpha Male, MPW Heavy Hitter, Fans All Female" Guy Smith
(9-5) 6'0"
255lbs. Rapid City, SD w/ Emily Darling vs. Scotty Cash (5-3) 5'9" 170lbs.
'Yo Mommas House' - Emily's still here! I'm shocked! Even after getting
painted green last month and Smith having a different valet every couple
months! Scotty Cash however, has a bad shoulder and wasn't able to train
much for his match because of it. Cash slips out and walks right behind
Emily. Faceoff in the ring. Emily is getting heckled like crazy. Slugfest,
clothesline, Smith clotheslines Cash out and follows. Fight outside, Cash
back in quick, Cash crashes into a ladder in a suicide dive. Smith whip
reverse into the ladder, Cash eats it on a charge. Cash is rammed into the
post, tossed in. Smith got a bent up trash can from last month, tosses the
BUMP sign in, ladder too. Cash is hit with the can, another shot. All Female
chant starts. Smith punches, whip, side slam on the ladder. Guy fetches a
chair, sets them up making a "table" with two chairs and the BUMP sign.
Suplex blocked, 747 into the sign goes Smith. Scotty favors his wrist.
Chairshot Cash. Cash with the can, whack in the head. Chairs are bent up.
Bottle tossed at Cash. Suplex on the sign by Cash. Lays a chair on Smith,
legdrop. BUMP sign tossed on Smith, comes the ladder in the corner. Smith is
whipped into the ladder and the pole. Cash makes a signal, has the lid,
smacks Smith on the rear, then the head. Cash lays the sign, throws the can
on top, side splash into the can and hurts himself. Cash pickup, slam on the
sign. Cash goes for the ladder, bottom rung splash, to the second another
splash, a third, then for the fourth he missed. Cash is holding his leg.
Smith hits Cash with the sign, gets the can and jams it in the corner. Irish
whip into the can, Cash can't stand, left knee hurts. Cash exits, Smith
follows, blasts him with the can, toss in, puts the sign on top, drops the
ladder on him. Now Smith puts the ladder on top of Cash and splashes him.
Chairshot, makes another table with the bent up chairs and the ladder. Slam
on the ladder, the thing won't hold cause it's bent up, Guy shouts "darn
these shoddy chairs!". Puts it back together, goes to the middle rope, spins
around, hops off the top rope for a moonsault and gets nothing but ladder
and really hurts himself! Cash throws a bent chair at Guy. Cash is limping
around, got a chair, WHACK! There's two, three. Cash takes a seat, checks
his watch, fourth shot! Cash kicks away with his good leg. Cash with the
chair again, hesitates, fifth one blocked, belly to belly with the chair by
Guy. Smith calls Emily up. She hands him a STUN GUN! Cash with a low blow
via the chair. Cash gives Emily a kiss, Quinten comes out enraged! Cash ZAPS
Quinten! Smith with a piledriver on Cash! Guy gets the trash can, Cash is
out of it, LITTLE INSPIRATION on the trash can, sign and ladder! Screwy
chants from the crowd. Guy finally climbs up for the belt at 15 minutes in,
ladder is bent up a bit. Cash shoves him off, sending Smith over the top
rope and takes out PT Starbody. (This apparently looked a lot worse from a
different angle as some say Smith took a sick bump here.) Cash goes up for
the belt and gets it, but there's no referee! Here comes Doug Fraze!
Chairshot to the back by Fraze. LAST RIDE on Cash. Real World Jeremy has
emerged behind me, as Doug Fraze puts the belt back up on the rope. Guy
Smith gets up, Quinten is back out here, so is Emily, Jeremy watches from
the shadows. Guy climbs up the ladder, Cash grabs a foot, Smith gets the
belt down and it's over.

WINNER and STILL CHAMP: "Alpha Male" Guy Smith KO -> (10-5) 18
minutes. ****

Doug sets the ladder in the corner, thought RWJ might interfere himself, the
heels clear the ring of stuff, Jeremy limps toward the ring, clocks Doug
with a chair, Jeremy shouts at Emily, NWQ looks on. Ladder misses someone,
Doug on his feet, Jeremy turns and clocks Doug on the head. SPEAR Scotty on
Quinten. Jeremy checks on Scotty and helps him up, Doug is out in the
corner. Table chant. Cash and Jeremy discuss what to do, I know what I want.
Chair is set up, pedigree on the chair! Doug is busted open, Jeremy is
limping around some more. Cash gets on the ladder, gets the crowd to tell
him where to jump off, he goes all the way to rung #7 and splashes him off

--- Internet Rex 2.29