Hi all,
Well 7 years ago today I woke up knowing that I had taken my last drink
the night before....
A little background...
My name is Tim and yes I am an _Alcoholic_... 
I started drinking at an early age.. it was experimentation at first
but it took on a real seriousness from then on. I felt that I needed
to take off the edge, that fear and drinking beer did that.. I saw that
my Dad and his buddies drank with impunity.. I saw a many drunken binge 
at my old family home in Jersey....
anyway... I saw that the beer did magic.. it changed the personalities
of all who attended the parties... I wanted the change that came with 
that consumption of Rolling Rock and Scotch, Whiskey Sours et al...
I also discovered that it also dulled the pain of the abusive situations
that arose with the morning after these parties.
I also needed to drink to fit in with the groups that ran in the
schools when I got older.. tonight I heard again part of my
story at a meeting about "those" groups and the speaker was
my age...
I needed tonight to hear part of my war story that came out of some
one else's mouth...
Drinking was not so much of my story that it's the whole story.. it's
more complex part of it...
I remember the fights, the brawls, the outsider feeling that I always
carried with me....
Alcohol and Drugs changed that feeling... it made it possible to 
live in my own skin.
It also made associations possible...
But along the way.. the effect became unpredictable... and I never knew where 
I would wind up.. passed out, throwing up.. etc...
toward the end somewhere in '82 I remember a vague all nighter in Germany
where the only store that was open was in the Nuremburg train station
and it only had german gin available.. I believe that was the only time
that I knowingly (after the fact) had a blackout... and I thought that
was normal...
Yet all in all I want to remember that "lost time" feeling because I 
never want to go back there.
It still amazes me that after 7 years I still am sober...
even with all the major changes of the last year....
so don't let your sponsor bullshit ya...
you can stay sober with major changes in your life...
I know, I did it...
happy B'day to me
1-1-90 - 1-1-97 it's been a blessed time so far and I don't plan for it
to stop...
Tim...
,.. Change # 1,000,899,546,789,321,541,329,225,457,952,988 Pls Note #
--- PPoint 2.00
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