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The Rap Sheet - from the Crimefighter
New Midwest Wrestling's Alexis Homeier Memorial Tournament
7/26/2K3, Springfield, IL

The names have been deleted to punish the guilty.

This rap sheet is posted in http://www.newmidwest.com/forum,
news:rec.sport.pro-wrestling.info a newsgroup that many wrestling
organizations could utilize to spread info about their shows but don't, and
the archive of all the ones I've written are stored in
http://abermud.tripod.com/rapsheet.

Well should I even include all the fuss that occurred over the past month.
Some of it is appropriate for this column, some isn't, and some of it is
kind of embarrassing to me.  Hmmm...I'm gonna put that on hold for the time
being and get to the show, which is well super sized this month.  I shall
include this however; this show is being held in memory of Alexis Homeier,
daughter of Jamie Homeier aka Hot Valet and niece of Rip Mystic.  But
despite the tragedy from a year ago, there is joy today with the newest
addition to the family born a couple days after the end of the previous
show.

Your ring announcer is Jimmy "The Bruiser" Osbourne, your
commentary team is
Rick, Jack and Josh.  Jimmy introduces Majorie Watson, but Rip Mystic comes
to the ring.  Some loud girl was sitting behind me and screaming like crazy
for Doug Fraze.  Rip Mystic wakes up the crowd, someone shouts lets hear it
for 3cw, no kidding.  He says he's got a bad back injury and won't be able
to complete for a while.  It was hard for him to watch the tourney and not
be able to wrestle.  He's close to crying.  He'll be out of action for a
long time while he does rehab and will wrestle again sometime.  He wasn't
scheduled for the show and wasn't going to commentate, referee, or wrestle
but wants to do something.  Witchy then says after she talked to the
doctors, uhhh...whatever happened to patient confidentiality?  I've worked
in a hospital, I've worked collecting health care data for statistics,
doctors aren't supposed to just give out info to just ANYONE, including your
employer.  Witchy calls Rip a liar saying the people she talked to claim
he'll never wrestle again.  So you're saying a back injury never heals?
Witchy claims he's milking the company getting a paycheck for doing nothing.
Actually there's a bunch of stuff he can do for the company, booking,
production, video, promotion, instruction, webpage work, just to name a few.
Rip calls her a witch.  She brings up that Rip's original injury wasn't
wrestling related and he should had taken the month off before.  You FORCED
Rip into the match you moron!  He tells her there's such as thing as a
second opinion in medicine, she calls useless and FIRES HIM on the spot!  Oh
yeah, she really has the authority to fire her superior, that's gonna come
back to REALLY burn your butt off.  She has been taking lessons from Eric
Bischoff when he fired Steve Austin, but that didn’t last did it?  Impeach
Witchy NOW!  And they've went so far to remove Rip's bio and links from the
site as well as replace every instance of Rip Mystic with [name deleted].
Well, if you're gonna push this nonsense, I will be replacing every instance
of Majorie Watson with [name deleted].  Just so no one forgets who I'm
talking about, I'll add references to tools witches use in their craft.
BTW, if [name deleted] with pointed hat was a manager of a MLB team or an
NFL team and fired every person that got injured on the field, she'd be gone
in less than an hour.  Rip is pissed and chews out [name deleted] for her
ungratefulness, rudeness, obnoxiousness, and outright disrespectfulness.
[Name deleted] wants security to throw Rip in her cauldron or she's gonna
fire them too.  Guy Smith comes to the ring and orders Rip to get out.
Someone shouts Guy Smith is a wussy!  Rip rips his shirt off and is ready to
fight, Real World Jeremy rushes to the ring to restrain him.  [Name deleted]
continues to cackle "I'll get you my pretty!" and says Rip's still fired.
Guy runs his mouth at Jeremy off mike.  RWJ tries to calm a very emotional
Rip Mystic.  "All Female" chant.  Rip spits at Guy.  Someone says
Ms. Watson
is a prostitute.  Okay, that last comment needed the name left in.  Guy gets
the mike and says he can handle things.  He tells RWJ to calm down champ, oh
he's champ.  Guy gets around to saying who his opposition is tonight, it's
someone he had an altercation with a chair.  RWJ takes the mike, he says
he's glad Guy's finally gonna be a man and face him.  Guy cuts him off and
says I'm not wrestling you, I'm wrestling Stan Sallinger.  STAN SALLINGER?
Stan is ranked DEAD LAST at 0-3!  Guy tried the lame excuse that El Pollo
Loco was ranked lower than him, whatever.  Summer in the City music hits and
he comes out.  Stan says stuff in a low voice in which I cannot hear, then
mentions being in Legally Blonde II and his tag partner is tied up in the
tourney, and he wanted to prove himself by fighting for the gold.  RWJ says
the fans are being cheated again, give me my d*** shot!  [Name deleted] says
Guy's fighting Stan and there's nothing you can do about it!  Guy runs his
mouth some more.  Chicken chant.  Stan points out he used to run this place
and points to the signed contract and refers to a line on some page saying
he has a special referee clause in there, so he's picking Real World Jeremy
as the referee.  RWJ accepts, [name deleted] and Guy are pissed.  Sound in
my section is just terrible.  Turn the mikes up or something or speak
LOUDER.  The whole segment was a big miss-mash with a bunch of twisted and
flawed logic that I could completely refute and make [name deleted] with
crystal ball look even dumber than she is.  Bustin' ain't easy, but whipping
[name deleted] in a debate is EXTREMELY EASY!

Danger Doug Fraze (1-2) 6'6" 275lbs. Chicago, IL w/ New World Quinten &
Emily Darling vs. "The Cruiserweight Redneck" Earl Grissom
(5-6-0-1) 5'10"
170lbs., Rushville, IL - Classic Davey vs. Goliath match up, as Earl gives
up nearly 100 pounds and a foot.  Earl just got through evening his win-loss
record when he got paired up against guys much taller than him.  Doug has
been dubbed "Fat Fraze" by Scotty Cash.  Alright, let's see what the Body
Mass Index calculator says...his body mass is 31.8 kg/m² which does make him
obese.  Doug has completely new entrance music with siren blaring...reminds
me of someone with similar music that I can't think of.  The girl behind me
is a rapid Fraze fan and believes he can't lose.  Doug splashes Earl, beats
him down, choke, Irish whip splash Doug, choke with the boot in the corner,
Irish whip to the corner and Doug misses the splash.  Earl shoulders him in
the corner, punches away, running clotheslines have no effect, and Doug side
slams him.  A dumb one foot cover only gets two.  Snap suplex, bodyslam, leg
drop from Doug gets two.  Irish whip, crossbody from Earl is blocked, Earl
tries a side kick instead, then does the flying headscissors to get a two
count.  NWQ is on the apron, LOW BLOW Fraze.  Arm wringer Doug, pumphandle
slam, cover gets two but he yanks him up by the hair twice.  Uh, take your
victory when you can else it could come back to bite ya.  Earl punches Doug,
Irish whip reversed and Earl is caught in a bearhug.  Earl fights out of it,
charges and gets caught again.  Cash runs out and attacks Quinten, Fraze
drops Grissom and screams at Cash, Earl with a schoolboy and the referee
does a fast three count!

WINNER:  Earl Grissom pin -> (6-6-0-1) 5:15 mins. *

Doug is pissed, Cash runs to the back, Doug follows, Cash sneaks back in the
ring from another doorway.  Sound is still crap as he's talking, calls
Fraze.  Fans are yelling behind me, someone else screams Cash sucks.  Dang,
when a fan can out yell a microphone, that's real bad.  Cash calls for me,
says something that I cannot understand, cause the sound sucks, even on tape
it sucks, fans screaming ain't helping then some idiot makes a joke about a
boyfriend's backside that gets my attention.  What the heck was Cash trying
to tell me anyway?  He finally makes the expected knock-knock joke to put me
out of my misery.  Knock knock, who's there, CF, CF who, exactly CF who it's
my show.  He calls for Fraze some more, Doug comes in from the back.  This
girl won't stop screaming, uh oh Cash has the electric stun gun!  Cash
invites Doug in the ring, still can't hear over these fans and I begin
looking for another seat closer to the speakers.  Doug gets in, Cash knocks
him down and intimidates the heck out of him with the shock gun while
sitting on his chest.  He reminds him that Doug cost him Guy Smith's title.
Says something then presses the zapper, uses the zapper as a phone to
communicate and scare Doug some more, then the music plays and Cash leaves.
I'd enjoy this segment more if the sound wasn't out shouted by the crowd.
Bing Westlake (who's on the 180-day disabled list with a torn ACL thanks to
Dredd Walker) was griping at me cause he says he could hear everything just
fine.  Sure you could, you were sitting right under one of the speakers.
Regardless, I wish the man behind the name and character a speedy recovery.

Central Illinois Championship
(c)"The UNDER Achiever" Billy Morgan (3-4) 5’10" 172lbs.
Riverton, IL w/ Kev
G, Cherry Malone & Morgan Security Guard JJ Tank vs. El Diablo Silverado
(9-5) 5'8" 173lbs. Beardstown, IL - Morgan pretty much did what I predicted
last month, steal the title with help from his rather large posse, but
Malone ate a Juvy Driver for her troublemaking.  Let's see if she listened
this time to my advice, "you jump in the ring in the middle of a match, BAD
THINGS WILL HAPPEN TO YOU."  Silverado knocks down the security guys with a
dive, Tank clotheslines EDS out the outside and they proceed to mug him.
EDS comes back, Morgan on the top rope, dives and catches little of EDS but
takes out his own guy Kev.  Back in the ring, suplex Billy gets two.
Turnaround top rope splash gets two.  Billy with an Irish whip, EDS with a
dropkick.  Slam EDS gets two.  Billy back body drops EDS over the top rope.
Kev and JJ proceed to beat up EDS again and the referee FINALLY EJECTS both
of them.  Billy argues with the ref, EDS rolls him up for two.  EDS with a
Juvy Driver gets two.  A leg drop from the second rope only gets two.  Irish
whip reversed Billy with a kick that gets a two count.  Billy chokes away in
the corner, Irish whip reversed and EDS eats a boot.  Billy climbs to the
top but EDS bounces against the ropes to crotch him, EDS kicks him off, hits
a sloppy Silver Bullet (Unprettier), Malone who wasn't ejected earlier is up
on the apron (well she didn't listen to my advice), the ref is over there
and not counting the cover, JJ Tank runs back out with a chair and throws it
in the ring for Morgan.  Morgan has the chair, EDS sees him, he tosses him
the chair and flops down, James Welden (figures) thinks he hit him with the
chair and calls the cheapo DQ.  Billy Morgan is NO Eddie Guerrero.

WINNER and STILL CHAMP:  Billy Morgan DQ -> (4-4) 5:15 mins. ¾*

AHMT Round Three
Dredd Walker (9-5-1) 5'11" 210lbs. "Purgatory" vs. Tom Arson
(5-6) 6'5"
260lbs. St. Louis, MO - Dredd virtually had a walk to the third round, being
that his second round opposition was whacked by the cult.  Arson has a
four-match winning streak going.  Arson's got his face and arms painted up
like Al Snow as well as new music.  Commentators have an Arson Sux sign.
His T-Shirt says "My girlfriend rules cause I'm Tom Arson and you're not!"
And there goes the dumb shout again.  The message on his face says "Dredd
Sux" and his arms say "Trend Setter".  Tom with an arm
wringer, Dredd trips
the leg, kickaway, takedown Dredd, leg takedown Tom, rollup two, another
one, trip by Tom gets two and they stand in a stalemate.  Irish whip Dredd
blocks the sunset flip to get two, Tom with a half crab but Dredd makes the
ropes.  Arm drag Dredd, Tom goes outside.  Arson charges, Dredd rolls him up
for two.  Spinning heel kick Dredd, Tom goes out again, Dredd chases, Tom in
and stomps Dredd.  Irish whip, Dredd gets Arson in a flying crucifix cradle
for two.  Tom with a rake to the face.  Tom charges but gets back body
dropped outside.  Dredd with a double axehandle, Dredd throws Arson head
first into the post, then bites him on the forehead.  Back in, Dredd with a
turnbuckle smash, and spits on him.  Suplex, Dredd keeps biting on the
forehead, trying to cut him.  Thankfully he doesn't bleed.  Tilt-a-whirl
slam Arson.  Irish whip and Dredd eats a big boot for two.  Tom with a chop,
choke with the foot, chop.  Dredd reverses to slug and kick away, whip and
back body drop Dredd.  Tom with a spinning leglock, but lets go.  Irish whip
and a double clothesline.  Dredd to the top, missile drop kick.  Dredd
punches, kicks away, Arson with an eye poke, and a rope burn.  Arson with a
Russian leg sweep for two.  Arson goes for the liberty spike piledriver,
Dredd blocks it, back body drop.  Dredd puts Tom on the top rope for a
superplex, Tom knocks him down, and actually hits a moonsault!  That only
gets two though, he goes for it again, Dredd grabs him for the super belly
to back suplex from the top rope and gets three!  Boy that really hurt
Arson, he was dropped on the back of his head.  Dredd isn't done, he kicked
and wiped his boot in his face.  Arson is very slow to get up.

WINNER:  Dredd Walker pin -> (10-5-1) 13:15 mins. ***½

El Pollo Loco (0-1-0-1) 5'9" 140lbs., Tijuana, Baja California, Mexico vs.
Lucious P. Cotrane (4-3) 5’10" 230lbs. "Land of Lucious" - 
The kid since
the last time he appeared put on fifteen pounds inside of a couple weeks, at
least that's what his bio seems to imply yet he's still announced at 140lbs.
Misprint?  He also has moved to "Hatchling, AL", which does not appear
anywhere on a map.  Maybe there's some farm named Hatchling.  This is a
heavyweight vs. welterweight match, but making things more even for the
small guy LPC is pretty much operating on a bad wheel, no thanks to Michael
Shard.  LPC has the mike, he welcomes us to the Land of Lucious.  He was
talking to EDS and he says EPL means “the crazy chicken”.  EPL squawks.  LPC
offers to help the new talent, he wants to show him how to do the chicken
dance properly.  EPL does his own version, LPC thinks he's not doing it
right.  LPC says hands, arms, legs, shake your tail, follow him.  EPL still
doesn't do it LPC's way, he says ah screw it.  KICK WHAM STUNNER THIS
CHICKEN IS FRIED!!!  Bell didn't actually ring, but we'll assume the match
started with the kick.  The new guy didn't get a chance to wrestle that
ALWAYS disappoints me.  At least he isn't the one who’s lost the fastest
fall.

WINNER:  Lucious P. Cotrain pin -> (5-3) 8 seconds. DUD

AHMT Round Three
Michael Shard (7-9) 5'8" 160 lbs. Santa Monica, CA vs. Eric Logan (5-5)
5'10" 173lbs. Palm Springs, FL - These guys met in a match last year, when
Logan was called "The Caddy" and Shard was under the management of Prof.
Philip H. Dempsey.  Surprised PHD hasn't signed on as anyone's manager yet.
Anyway, Shard beat Logan with the cutting edge, but Shard who was screaming
a lot about not getting another title shot got himself DQ'ed for
unsportsmanlike conduct and ever since this thrown away match has been a
constant lead weight as he struggles to stay afloat.  Lockup to the corner,
clean break but Shard slaps him.  Lockup again to the corner, Eric slaps him
back.  Shard with another slap, they're arguing.  Lockup, takedown Shard but
they're still collar-and-elbowed together and they fall outside the ring.
Back in, Logan with a takedown, Shard with a takedown, headlock takedown
Logan, armlock, Shard reverses and gets two.  Legdrop, snap mare Shard and
he jumps on the top rope for a rest, Logan mocks him by doing the same.
Shard forearm shot to the head, two suplexes gets a two count.  Snap mare,
dropkick, choke, rope burn, Irish whip to the corner bulldog Shard gets two.
Shard chokes away, whip and an arm drag by Logan.  Whip reverse back body
drop Logan on the apron, Logan slides under Shard's feet, Eric with a
crossbody and they tumble to the floor.  Eric tosses him in, Shard kicks him
in the nose.  Brainbuster by Shard, a run of the ropes and they collide but
Eric gets a rollup two.  Snap mare Shard, kick to the back, choke on the
ropes.  Charge misses, crucifix attempt by Logan is blocked, Samoan Drop
Shard gets two.  Shard slugs away, Eric hits back, gets a knockdown.  Billy
Morgan comes out.  Morgan sucks chant.  El Diablo Silverado runs out and
yanks him down.  Shard is on the top rope, but Eric slams him off.  EDS and
Morgan are fighting to the back.  WHEW, glad Morgan was prevented from
messing this match up.  Shard with a dropkick to the knee, twist of the leg,
elbows to the knee, works the leg over.  Shard puts him in the tree of woe.
Baseball slide to the head misses and Shard crotches himself on the post.
Logan with a moonsault gets two.  Irish whip, Shard with a knee to the gut,
a pair of dragon screw leg whips, a rolling leg vice, and baseball slide to
the face.  Shard has the leg, enziguri Logan.  Logan slugs away, Irish whip,
flapjack gets two.  Shard with the flatliner, but that only gets two.  Shard
can't believe it, argues but gets rolled up for two.  Shard with a small
package, Logan reverses it and gets three!  Really good match.

WINNER:  Eric Logan pin -> (6-5) 15:50 mins. ****

Oh but Shard is mad, another flatliner!  Shard puts him in the tree of woe
again.  Baseball slide to the head!  Shard puts Logan in a half tartanula.
Stan Sallinger runs out with a chair to break it up.  Oh boy, Dredd Walker
is going to face an injured Logan.

NMW Tag Team Championship
(c)Sage Ramsey (5-3) 6'4" 268lbs. Peoria, IL & Jason Wells (3-5) 6'0"
230lbs. Kansas City, MO (5-0-2) vs. The NEW Cult of RON (1-0) Kincaid, IL -
Don't call me "The Khaos Kidd" no more Steven Bishop (2-7)
5'7" 200lbs. & I
am "Anonymous" cause I don't want my name associated with RON
(0-1) 5'11",
252lbs. - I don't feel like telling the wild story I've had in my battles
with the cult leader, just to say unless you are a top guy in the WWF you
should avoid playing your character 24-7 cause things can go very wrong.
Both of RON's men got beat rather quick three weeks ago, Anonymous losing in
two minutes, and Bishop in three.  Boy the cat-calling is loud as RON shouts
those are MY belts!  Khaos Kidd is not doing the RTC look any more
thankfully.  Anonymous STILL doesn't have a gimmick name after all this time
and I may start a new naming contest if this continues.  Wells and Bishop
start.  Bishop with a kick, Irish whip, hip toss, an inverted spinning
neckbreaker into the knee!  Ouch.  Wells with a clothesline, powerbomb, leg
drop, Irish whip clothesline.  Tag Sage.  Double forward Russian leg sweep.
Sage with a headbutt, suplex, bodyslam, legdrop gets two.  Tag Wells.
Double suplex, Bishop's getting squashed.  Rear chinlock by Wells, side slam
gets two.  Irish whip to the corner, splash, Wells to the middle rope, Vader
Bomb, DDT.  Tag Sage.  Belly to back suplex Sage, elbow drop, headbutt,
Irish whip boot to the face, two legdrops.  Tag Wells.  Irish whip side slam
Wells gets two.  Irish whip to the corner, Kidd trips Wells with a drop toe
hold to the turnbuckle.  Tag Anonymous.  Double inverted DDT gets a one
count.  Anonymous with a suplex into the jackhammer!  Hey that's Goldberg's
finisher!  That somehow only gets a two count.  Wells gets a jawbreaker.
RON on the apron, Bishop in for an illegal switch, Russian leg sweep.  Kidd
to the top, Wells bounces on the ropes to crotch him, superplex Wells.
Bishop manages to tag out first, Anonymous jumps in to knock Sage off and
cover for a two count.  Powerslam Anonymous, tag Bishop.  Spinning splash
Kidd, RON gets on the apron again, illegal switch, Sage is knocked off.
Suplex Anonymous, small package Wells gets two.  Tag Kidd, the ref gets hit
somehow.  Irish whip reversed clothesline Wells, Kidd goes to the top and
gets caught in a spinebuster.  "RON is dead!" chant.  Wells goes
to the top,
hits a moonsault but can't cover.  Everyone tags, Sage with multiple
clotheslines, spinebuster on Anonymous, chokeslam on Kidd, RON's on the
apron AGAIN.  Anonymous is fighting Wells on the floor, and hits him
repeatedly with a chair.  In the ring Sage tries to throw Bishop at RON but
is reversed and Sage is hit with the book in the back of the head.  Sage
no-sells it however, and RON empties a can of mace in his face and Bishop
steals the titles by highway robbery.  Wells is back in with a chair and
hits someone with it.

WINNER and NEW CHAMPS:  The NEW Church of RON pin -> (2-0) 15:55 mins. ***

"Big Man on Campus" Garret Ryan (1-0) 6'2" 232lbs.
Carbondale, IL vs. "Toga"
Steve Fisher (2-3) 5'10" 240lbs. Carbondale, IL - Well let's see if we have
a match this time.  Last month they had a drinking contest in lieu of an
actual match.  I did a search to see if there was an actual fraternity named
Sigma Omega Beta somewhere recently and found that there is a Sigma Omega, a
sorority called Beta Sigma Omega, another fraternity called Beta Omega
Sigma, but there does appear to be a Sigma Omega Beta group at Ohio
University.  "Totally Obliterate Garret's A**"!  Toga has the mike, tells
Garret everything's not quite right.  He goes through many memorable nights
at various watering holes, we've had time to cool off, and wants Ryan to
come out.  Toga discusses their battles, and they should be the tag champs
right now cause no one can hold a candle to us.  Let's get back together and
go after the belts.  They shake hands.  Toga says though for just one time
that we get it out of our systems and have a match.  Whew, thought they were
gonna cancel it again.  Lockup, hip toss Ryan.  Lockup, slam Toga.  Lockup,
slam Ryan.  Slam Toga.  These guys are circling a lot.  Lockup, Toga is
tossed outside.  Lockup, arm wringer Ryan, reversed, Toga tosses Ryan out.
Trading of slaps.  Ryan takes Toga to the corner, ref is shoved to the mat
(DQ?), Toga with a chop, charge to the corner misses, rollup Ryan gets two.
Small package Toga gets two.  Inverted atomic drop, Toga clotheslines Ryan
out.  Ryan with a head yank on the top rope, stompaway, Irish whip powerslam
Ryan.  Ryan puts on a rear chinlock but twists at Toga's face.  Pickup, back
drop Toga, shoulderblock, Irish whip SALUKI Hammer Toga gets two.  LOW BLOW
Ryan.  Irish whip reversed back body drop Toga, Irish whip Ryan with a
spinebuster gets two.  Slugaway Ryan, Irish whip side slam gets two.  Corner
punches from Ryan, Irish whip reversed, sloppy spinebuster from Toga, he
slugs away.  Irish whip clothesline Toga, whip to the corner Toga eats a
boot.  Ryan attempts a sunset flip, Toga sits on him hooks the legs and wins
it.  Slow start to the match that got into a big brawl at the end.

WINNER: Toga Steve pin -> (3-3) 9:15 mins. **½

After the match, Toga chants, Steve wants to shake hands, Garret doesn't
want to, finally he does and CLOTHESLINES him down!  Ryan stomps him down,
yanks him up, SAKULI SLAM (Alabama Slam)!  Demands the ref count the pin,
which he does but it doesn't count.  Ryan spits on him.  So much for beefing
up that thin tag division, the frat boys would’ve SQUASHED the cult again.
Toga is slow to leave but has a beer.

"New World" Quinten Tyler (0-1) 5'11", 230lbs. Denver, CO w/
Emily Darling
vs. Scotty Cash (5-4) 5'9" 170lbs. 'Yo Mommas House' - I redid Quinten's
logo in red for his color scheme, the new entrance video makes a white fade
to red.  Cash's video is that of a million dollar bill.  Quinten REALLY
hated that "Impeach [name deleted]" sign so much that I just gave it to him
to rip up if it would make him feel better.  Cash nudges Emily and throws
some fries.  Quinten yells don't touch my girl again or I'll beat the ****
out of you!  Hmmm...Cash said he'll beat Quinten in one minute lets start
the timer.  Lockup, slap by Cash, NWQ bails, Cash chases.  Irish whip,
clothesline Cash, bodyslam, Cash back body drops Quinten over the top.
Oops, it's over a minute now.  Emily comes over to chew out Cash, Quinten
hits Cash on the outside, toss in, whip hip toss NWQ gets ONE.  Slam NWQ,
legdrop gets one.  DDT NWQ gets two.  QT whip, belly to belly suplex gets
two.  Irish whip blocked, Cash with what a fan calls the "ball buster".
Whip reversed Cash goes over the top, NWQ chokes on the outside, toss in,
two suplex are hit before the third is blocked for Cash to hit one of his
own.  Chokehold, spinebuster Cash.  Cash to the top, double leg drop gets
two as Doug Fraze comes out of nowhere to interrupt and yank the referee
out.  ISN'T THAT AN AUTOMATIC DQ ANYMORE?  Fraze chairshots Cash, rolls
Quinten on top, throws the referee back in and he counts the pin?  Fraze
continues to beat Cash with the chair and side slams him on it.  He picks
him up and does another side slam on the chair!  Fraze SCREAMS at him, you
my friend are INJURED!

WINNER:  "New World" Quinten Tyler pin -> (1-1) 6:05 mins. *

NMW Heavyweight Championship
(c)"NMW Alpha Male, MPW Heavy Hitter, Fans All Female" Guy Smith
(11-5) 6'0"
255lbs. Rapid City, SD w/ Emily Darling vs. Overthrown President Battlin'
Stan Sallinger (0-3) 6'3", 260lbs. Springfield, IL  - Your referee is Real
World Jeremy, who's full career lifetime singles win loss record
is...(24-7-1).  Now if some of the other guys would think back to the first
two years of the MWA era of NMW and recall their match histories, I'm
curious as to how they did back then. Smith had hit Stan Sallinger with a
chair a month ago causing Stan & Logan to lose to Doug Fraze & Quinten,
which apparently set up this match.  Someone has a sign that says "I'm here
to **** with the NMW short bus!"  What the heck is that supposed to mean?
There are some others who get up and leave, not because they're bored, but
because they actually have to go to work by 10pm!  Some nutjob that claims
to be "the untouchable" writes an over 300 word message that can be said in
only three words:  "SHUT UP CF!!!"  Doesn't like what I write, yet he still
reads the thing.  Unbelievable.  I can only imagine what a professional like
Scott Keith goes through on a daily basis where he gets paid to write
reviews and books.  Guy stalls like mad, as RWJ wants to check him for
weapons, Emily says she'll check him over, but RWJ butts in and find a
chain.  Lockup, Stan shoves Guy across the ring.  Guy with a knee, headlock,
Stan with an atomic drop sends Guy outside.  Eight count.  Headlock Stan,
shoveoff, Guy catches the boot and flips Stan over.  Kick'em slug'em Guy,
clawhold to the gut that Stan completely no-sells, swinging full-nelson
slam.  Guy bails out once again, RWJ gets to NINE and opts not to let it end
on a countout, Stan goes after him, Guy hides behind Emily but RWJ throws
him back in.  Guy stomps away, suplex, stomp gets one.  Turnbuckle smash,
whip to the corner, Stan eats a boot.  Guy with a moonsault that misses, but
he lands on his feet and hits Stan with a dropkick.  Chokes away with the
boot, RWJ counts to five, but yanks Guy off instead of DQ'ing him.  Stan
trips Guy into the second rope, then tries a laughable 619 which fails
miserably.  Guy misses a crossbody, Stan misses a missile dropkick from the
top, Guy hits three straight elbowdrops for a two count.  Belly to belly
suplex Guy gets two.  Samaon Drop by Stan gets two.  Stan does a MOONSAULT
and gets two.  Guy with the bonazi drop gets two.  Guy mimics The Rock and
hits the Rock Bottom for 2½!  Guy slugs away, Stan mimics Hulk Hogan and
hulks up from the punches and wags his finger in Guys face.  Guy just slaps
him and does the death valley driver that gets two.  Guy argues the count
and decides to punch RWJ, RWJ blocks his punches and KICK WHAM PEDIGREES
him!  Doug Fraze and Quinten run out to the ring, RWJ knocks them both out.
Stan up, spinning full-nelson slam GETS THREE!  MAJOR MAJOR MAJOR UPSET!

WINNER and NEW CHAMP:  Stan Sallinger pin -> (1-3) 12:30 mins. ***

What the heck?!  Oh it was too good to be real.  [Name deleted] comes riding
out on her broomstick, casts an evil spell, and magically makes the belt
disappear from Sallinger and reappear on Smith's waist.  [Name deleted]
screams bloody murder at Jeremy and reverses the title change.  BAM!
Quinten blasts RWJ with a chair, KICK WHAM PEDIGREE!  Smith jams the chair
into his knee again.  Cash runs in, attacks everyone, Fraze gets the better
of him though, Smith still works over the knee, LAST RIDE on Cash!  [Name
deleted] flies off on her broom.  The heels continue to beatdown RWJ, Stan
and Cash.  Security jumps in the ring, Smith is still working the knee over,
Fraze chokes away, several drink bottles are being thrown at the heels,
security gets the chair away and forces them to leave.  Dusty finish all
over this one.  [Name deleted] flies BACK to the ring, Guy Smith has the
mike.  One bottle finally hits the target.  Surprised no one got ejected
with all the trash being thrown.  How's your knee Real World?  That's what
happens, cause he's the alpha male, he's the champ, he's head and shoulders
above everyone so next month he will finally defend again RWJ.  Uh, what if
Dredd Walker wins the next match?  When will he be getting his shot?  At
Free Admission II?  [Name deleted] needs to be overthrown no question about
it.  ¼* deducted for the retarded finish.

WINNER and STILL CHAMP:  "Alpha Male" Guy Smith DQ -> (12-5)
12:30 mins. **¾

AHMT Final Round
Eric Logan (6-5) 5'10" 173lbs. Palm Springs, FL vs. Dredd Walker (10-5-1)
5'11" 210lbs. "Purgatory" - Wonder what condition Logan's
in, he's running
to the ring, but no moonsault entrance into the ring as he's limping.  Big

--- Internet Rex 2.29