Other people have suggested Al-Anon Family Groups to you.  Let me add 
my voice to theirs.   You probably wonder why we suggest that and 
focusing on helping yourself so that you don't permit the alcoholic to 
use you as an enabler.  An enabler, by the by, is a person who permits 
the alcoholic to continue in his or her sick drinking (and possibly 
drug addictive as well) behavior by covering up for that person, trying
to control him or her, perhaps hiding bottles, nagging, covering up for
them, (for ex. by lying to the boss about why they are "too sick" to 
make it to work when they are drunk and/or hungover, lying to someone 
else for them, including children, covering their bad checks, dragging 
them into bed and undressing them if they are passed out on the floor, 
rather than leaving them there to face their CONSEQUENCES as an adult, 
and in general treating them like naughty kids) Waiting by the windown 
for them again, Counting on them with unrealistic expectations after 
being disapointed again and again, etc.  In that sense the family 
members and closed love ones often participate in the alcoholics 
addiction to alcohol and make it possible for them to continue.
.
In my own case, I am an alcoholic in recovery - over 9 years now - I 
have also worked as a counselor's aide in a local heroin detox where 
most of the addicts were also alcoholics and I have been married to two
alcoholic, addicted and abusive men - in early sobriety I divorced the 
second one only to more in with another one for a little over a year 
and a half.  This is what made me understand why I needed Al-Anon and 
why the Al-ANon members kept saying that the focus needs to be on me.
I realized that there was some reason that I kept being drawn to the 
same kind of people - repeating the same behavior over and over again, 
yet expecting different results.  THe latter is a definition of 
insanity that many folks in many 12 step recovery fellowships like AA 
and Al-Anon frequently use.   I eventually came to see how I was 
duplicating the chaos of my earlier life - my birth-mother was abusive 
to me, she didn't drink, but was addicted to heavy narcotic 
prescription medicines, which had much the same effect and so this was 
familiar.  I was mistaking the familiar for love.  It was as if I was 
as addicted to these alcoholic men as they were to booze and drugs.
.
And I've often seen it since - some newcomer comes to Al-Anon and hears
us tell her (or him) that it isn't her fault and that s/he didn't 
cause the alcoholism and that they can't cure it or control it.  We 
point out that the AMA considers Alcoholism a disease -as do almost all
health insureances and DSM IV - the fourth diagnostic and statistics 
manual used by mental health professionals.   So instead of working on 
themselves, after a while they leave, break up with the alcoholic in 
question, and often end up back in Al-Anon in tears in a year or so as 
they are living with or married to another.  
.
I've also seen this as an AA sponsor.  A person goes into treatment, 
coems out and stays sober, only to have the significant other in his or
her life, who constantly threatened to leave them if they did not stop 
drinking, end up actually leaving when they get some good sobriety - 
only to see that person get involved with another alcoholic or a 
severely dysfunctional and unavailable person with other problems, like
a drug addict or a compulsive gambler or a sex addict or whatever.
.
So I was one of these types, as so many of us are - I had to learn the 
hard way that I needed help as much as the active alcoholic.  In the 
last instance, even though I was sober in AA over a couple of years, 
and REMAINED so, I ended up hospitalized over his drug abuse, drinking,
and abusive behavior towards me before I hit bottom and took Al-Anon
seriously.
.
By the way, after a couple of years of not dating ANYONE and taking 
Al-Anon seriously, I met a lovely man who neither drinks nor uses drugs
(due to religion) and we are HAPPILY married.  It has really made a 
difference in my life.
.
Changing your behavior, via Al-Anon, may or may not change your 
external situation much.  But even in cases where the drinker continues
to drink, it can show you how to have serenity sometimes and a bit of 
happiness for yourself - in spite of his or her drinking.
.
Good luck!  Your are NOT alone!
--- TriDog 10.0
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