Hi, James!  Recently you wrote in a message to Ardith Hinton:

AH>  My own love of music has helped me get through some rough
AH>  patches, and I guess when he couldn't play the piano he
AH>  had to find another way.  He also had six children... only
AH>  two of whom lived longer than a decade.

JB>  That's a double whammy that I have to identify with. I've
JB>  looked forward to raising a family, but those cards might
JB>  have been revoked.


         Because you had chemo and/or radiation??  Hmm.  A few years ago I saw
an article about a gathering of former leukemia patients... at least two dozen
of them... who had been told they'd never have offspring, but did anyway.  And
a cousin of mine married a guy who was told the same thing after being treated
for both leukemia & lung cancer.  They have two healthy, normal teenagers now.

         Pain is something else.  Considering the location I guess it could be
rather off-putting... and there may be other factors which I don't know about.
I think you deserve more than platitudes.  However, I had to mention the above
because surprising things happen when people relax & go with the flow....  :-)



JB>  When I hear a tune that I enjoyed while daydreaming about
JB>  days to come, it's a double depressant.


         Seems to me the process of grief is much the same whether a person
is mourning the loss of a loved one or coming to terms with disability. 
Although the emotions involved may be hard to handle they need to be
recognized & dealt with on a conscious level sooner or later.  Just as
with a physical pain, part of the challenge may be in figuring out what
will help you through the rougher spots without leading to further
complications.  You are aware of the downside to drugs & alcohol. 
You're also aware that people can become overly dependent on other
things... e.g. comfort foods & work... and possibly wondering whether
you may be in danger of same.  Teachers & musicians tend to
self-evaluate as a matter of course.  I'd give you a gold star for your
depth of insight....  :-)



JB>  That might be a reason why I try to occupy myself so much
JB>  to take my mind off my situation.


         Could be.  I don't see what you're doing as unhealthy, though, unless
it goes beyond reasonable limits... and you are evidently pacing yourself.  My
comment about reorganizing kitchen cupboards pertained to folks like the woman
Dallas & I once knew who had been recently widowed, and didn't know what to do
with herself when she reached compulsory retirement age.  She said plaintively
that there was only so much housework which needed doing.  I said nothing, but
I was younger & less outspoken then.  Nowadays I remind folks like her that if
they run out of things to do I can put them to work at our place.  I've yet to
meet one person who will take me up on the offer!  Anyway, her son told us she
had cancer a few years later.  We made numerous attempts to contact her... but
she wouldn't answer the phone or the doorbell & she died shortly afterwards.

         I gather you're involved in a variety of activities which you enjoy &
which also have a creative component... e.g. writing music, fixing old things,
remodelling your home.  I can't see you limiting your horizons in any way just
because when you don't have somebody else to set a schedule you don't know how
to fill the empty hours.  Besides, you're not isolating.  You asked a buddy to
help you learn more about a truck engine or something & you're also in contact
with other people via Fidonet.  "Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with
yourself."  Up to a certain point mental & physical activity...
like the other
things we've been talking about... is good for us.  It enhances the production
of feel-good hormones, and human beings are naturally drawn to what makes them
feel good.  As a rule of thumb this arrangement has served us well.  But there
are exceptions, as with the (in)famous "i" before "e". 
Sometimes the reaction
wears off within a short time... in which case people tend to want more.  Both
alcohol & carbohydrates may cause a rise in blood sugar which is then followed
by a sudden drop.  Sometimes work is equated with virtue & people find it hard
to explore alternatives because they feel guilty and/or it's a new experience.
I doubt you're in any serious danger of workaholism because your body lets you
know when it's had enough activity for awhile, and you pay attention....  :-))




--- timEd/386 1.10.y2k+