Hi, Daryl!  Recently you wrote in a message to All:

DS>  I originally thought it might take me a year to get
DS>  over the passing of my late wife, which will be one
DS>  year, on April 27. I talked to one of my BBS users
DS>  (who lost her husband 7 years ago to cancer), and
DS>  she said that, on average, it takes at least 3 years
DS>  to get over the death of a loved one.


            I take these estimates as meant to be reassuring... so if you
have people around you grumbling impatiently that (in *their* opinion) you
ought to "forget it & get on with your life" you'll know your
own feelings are probably well within the normal range.  When I was growing
up, it was often said that a person whose spouse had died shouldn't make
any major decisions for at least a year unless they absolutely had to. 
This advice included matters like selling the family home... and choosing
another mate.  There was also a custom, during the Victorian era, of
wearing black for a year after a family member had died. Our ancestors had
a lot of experience with death & one year was the minimum... after
which it was okay, but not obligatory, to start the next chapter.  We're
all on individual timetables & there are no prizes for finishing
quickly.  ;-)



DS>  I haven't even started a new relationship yet,


            Some women nowadays continue wearing their wedding rings for a
year or more after being widowed.  AFAIK there are no "rules"
about this & I haven't asked any of them why they do it... but I can
guess.  It lets other people know they don't feel ready to embark on a new
relationship either.



DS>  even though I'm busier now than when I was married.


           Sounds to me as if you're doing what another friend of ours did.
 He was about to retire when his wife died suddenly & all of his plans
for enjoying more time together evaporated.  We lost contact with him for
awhile... but when we saw him next, he was glowing with happiness.  He'd
found new ways to use the talent for musical theatre which was also a
significant part of his life.  I've seen the same glow on the face of a
woman whose son died of leukemia while he & Nora were ward mates.  At
that time I avoided her because she hung out with the gloom-and-gloom
artists.  When I saw her a few years later she'd volunteered at a camp for
kids with cancer & was using her experience to help others.



DS>  But, if it's going to take 3 or more years to get over
DS>  Janice's passing, I wonder if I should even bother.


           My grandmother remarried after being widowed for 20 years... and
her son remarried after being widowed for 11 years.  I'm not saying you
should *or* shouldn't do as they did, but I'm reminded of the words of a
song... it's never too late to fall in love... and it seems to me that
folks who remarry less than five years afterwards are less likely to be
content with their choice later on. You enjoyed being married to Janice...
but apparently you weren't looking for a wife when you realized there was
something special happening between the two of you.  Maybe it will happen
again.  Maybe it won't.  If you're having difficulty believing that almost
a year has gone by since she died I think you're probably on the right
track.  I would suggest you put the idea of remarriage on the back burner,
and trust your higher power to guide you if & when the time comes.  :-)




--- timEd/386 1.10.y2k+