re - still getting angry - I do frequently too.  In fact I am really 
upset now.  I have a friend who needs AL-Anon or Coda or ACOA or 
SOMETHING, but doesn't go to it.  Yesterday she gave some advice on 
our marriage to my husband on the phone, which was unsolicited - 
calling, allegedly for me, when she KNEW I wasn't going to be home.
When I came home and called her back, she couldn't remember what she 
had originally called for, interestingly enough; however, she also gave
some unsolicited advice on our marriage to me.
.
Normally I would blow up over this; however, today I have program and I
can take into an account that this woman comes from an extremely 
dysfunctional background and may honestly not know any better.  I find 
it interesting she did this after spending a weekend - long one - with 
her mother too.  I have learned that I am not the only person to "have 
a disease" or to be emotionally a wreck - alcohol and drugs help, but 
are not mandatory.
.
I can also talk honestly with my husband in a quiet, calmer way about 
what I see happening - he is the pursued and not the pursuer, he is 
never alone with her either - and we can come up with schemes to avoid 
the situation.  Such as, if I am home and he is not, screen all calls 
and not answer any from her, for one thing.  It is a gift of sobriety 
to be able to communicate in my marriage at times and not always scream
like a Banshee. (GRIN)
.
Instead of rushing off and writing her a hate letter, I can think 
before writing and speak to her (by mail) as I would like to be spoken 
to - nothing does pay off like restraint of pen and toungue AND 
KEYBOARD! (GRIN)
.
To ME, getting angry isn't the problem, but it's what I do with it.  I 
have learned to use anger in constructive rather than destructive ways.
I learned a trick from a self-help book I read.  In dealing with anger 
I ask myself what purpose is anger serving in my life?  If it isn't 
serving any, I usually find I can let go of it today - not always 
though.
(AND That took time AND PRACTISE to get to, believe me)
.
Healthy ways of venting anger, such as beating on a pillow, writing a 
letter I don't send and burying it under an oak or birch tree, using a 
stone - preferably one in my collection that means something to me - 
I hold it in my hand, rant and rave and holler and imagine the stone 
now has all the anger, then throw it into a river, lake, the ocean or 
whatever, are all some things that work.  So does hard exercise or 
going for a brisk walk.  Sharing it at a meeting, here, on the phone or
wherever also helps calm em down.   
.
Oh, when I walk I often, silently, repeat the Serenity prayer over and 
over again - or some other spirituatl phrase like LET GO and Let 
God(ess or whatever)  - until I'm calmer, it's like a very ACTIVE 
version of the eleventh step and this has worked for me when nothing 
else did.  It got me through a horrible time in my life about five 
years back.  I was 3 and 1/2 years - 4 and 1/2 years sober during this 
transition and crisis.  I don't think I would have made it, if I hadn't
learned to do this.
.
I believe feelings are neither right nor wrong, it's what I do with 
them that can be labelled "good" or "bad".
--- TriToss (tm) Professional 10.0 - #66
---------------