Hi again, James!  This is a continuation of my previous message to you:

JB>  The doc knows about my slump, and how miffed I am about
JB>  my situation.


          Yes, I think it's important that your doctor is aware of how you
are feeling physically *and* emotionally.  If you enjoyed activities like
riding a bicycle & playing percussion years ago, but can't do such
things now, it makes perfect sense to me that you'd be pulling nails out of
old lumber or something instead.  You're still exercising your body within
its current limits.  That's evidently your preferred style... and I think
it's healthy to find alternative ways of using it.  But your current limits
might also pale by comparison.  :-)



JB>  I explained early, how I don't need a fire light under
JB>  me, I need to reign myself in all the time, diligently.


          You're wearing it... I'm not!  I accept your analysis, just as I
did with Nora when she was on chemotherapy.  I've never been on it
myself... but I understand it often raises the body temperature.  Dallas
& I got a lot of flak from people who considered it inappropriate to
let a young child decide how to dress in cold weather.  She had warm
clothing available in case of need... she carried to & from elementary
school in a backpack daily... and she seldom used it.  Some of the kinder
people offered us coats & jackets which their kids had outgrown because
they assumed she had none.  I received all donations of kids' clothing with
gratitude.  Anything which improves the cost-per-wearing is fine with me. 
Either way, however, *this kid knew something they didn't*....  :-))



JB>  The trouble comes when certain individuals can't
JB>  understand how lighting a fire under my butt will
JB>  only make me boil at them, and somehow, they
JB>  always seemed shocked every time that it happens.
JB>  The net result, is those people are no longer
JB>  invited, and I'm wrong in their eyes again. I won't
JB>  say what I want to, in their general direction.


          I reckon you may have upset them because you don't fit their idea
of the way things are, or should be... or that in their eagerness to light
a fire under you they're overlooking some important details.  Dallas said
to one such individual recently "You don't know what you're
asking!"  We both find we have to be pretty blunt to get their
attention at times.  In some cases, you may be able to explain further
while their jaws are still hanging around their knees. But as for the
Injured Innocents... when one of them dumped us a few years ago our primary
reaction was a feeling of relief.  If you feel you have to walk on
eggshells around these people they may be feeling the same way about you. 
;-)



JB>  One fella, I have to reel in here. I'll invite him in,
JB>  but when he starts *making* work for me, I have to get
JB>  almost physical before he catches on. Different folks
JB>  and their strokes. (Pardon the pun?)


          No problem... Dallas & I say that too.  Realistically, I'd
rather go on struggling all by myself than have "helpers" who
seem to do little else but add to my own workload.  I have a
rant-in-progress on the topic... [wry grin].



JB>  Before my second sugury, a group at work took me out to
JB>  the bar after work. Talk about uncomfortable, but we all
JB>  seemed to make the best of it. The overt sympathy, I had
JB>  to quell first, but the force laughter I let go unchecked.


          Uh-huh.  They were probably trying to help in the only way they knew
... and you recognized that, so you tried to be considerate of their
feelings. We often find that while other people may mean well we feel we
have to support them because they're very upset about our problems and/or
because they have no idea how to help unless we have the energy to think of
simple & concrete tasks like fetching a towel moistened with water.  A
lot of people reacted to Nora's leukemia that way.  Dallas & I tend to
leave such people off the list when the hospital staff ask who we want to
see or who we're expecting to visit.  We did find it helpful, though, when
people left home made casseroles on our doorstep or gave us advance notice
of their trips to the grocery store etc. and offered to pick up anything we
needed.  I appreciated what my father did shortly after her diagnosis too,
while I was living in the pediatric oncology ward.  He said he intended to
bring us a gift in the $5 range but wasn't sure what we'd like.
I asked him to bring quarters for the hospital laundromat, and he did....  :-)




--- timEd/386 1.10.y2k+