On or about: 05-04-08  13:06, Ardith Hinton did engage James Bradley
regarding, but not limited to: Senior Moments...  2Ai.

 JB>  That's a double whammy that I have to identify with. I've
 JB>  looked forward to raising a family, but those cards might
 JB>  have been revoked.


 AH> relax & go with the flow....  :-) 

It's not too relaxing, when it feels better to be poked in the eye.

 
 AH> Seems to me the process of grief is much the same whether a
 AH> person  is mourning the loss of a loved one or coming to terms with 
 AH> disability.  Although the emotions involved may be hard to 
 AH> handle they need to be recognized & dealt with on a 
 AH> conscious level sooner or later.  Just as with a physical 
 AH> pain, part of the challenge may be in figuring out what 
 AH> will help you through the rougher spots without leading to 
 AH> further complications.  You are aware of the downside to 
 AH> drugs & alcohol.  You're also aware that people can become 
 AH> overly dependent on other things... e.g. comfort foods & 
 AH> work... and possibly wondering whether you may be in danger 
 AH> of same.  Teachers & musicians tend to self-evaluate as a 
 AH> matter of course.  I'd give you a gold star for your depth 
 AH> of insight....  :-)
 
How come insight never seems as asute or outspoken as I am? A few days ago,
a unearthed some evidence of my last workings at the 'day gig'. For the
past year and a half, I had my nose so close to the grinder, I was only
greiving for the passing of others, and cleaning up their messes. Seeing
the job I used to accomplish - in another life it seems - reminded me that
I was once hauling my own load.

Ya, I now make the loads lighter, and it takes me longer to get them where
they need to be, but I can't resist reflecting on the "Could-a...
Should-a..." I know how futile it is, but it had to tear some tears
out before I could deal with the rest of the day.
 
 JB>  That might be a reason why I try to occupy myself so much

 AH> Could be.  I don't see what you're doing as unhealthy,

The doc knows about my slump, and how miffed I am about my situation. I
explained early, how I don't need a fire light under me, I need to reign
myself in all the time, diligently. The trouble comes when certain
individuals can't understand how lighting a fire under my butt will only
make me boil at them, and somehow, they always seemed shocked every time
that it happens. The net result, is those people are no longer invited, and
I'm wrong in their eyes again. I won't say what I want to, in their general
direction.

 AH> though, unless it goes beyond reasonable limits... and you are
 AH> evidently pacing yourself.  My comment about reorganizing kitchen
 AH> cupboards pertained to folks like the woman Dallas & I once knew who
 AH> had been recently widowed, and didn't know what to do with herself when
 AH> she reached compulsory retirement age.  She said plaintively that there
 AH> was only so much housework which needed doing.  I said nothing, but I
 AH> was younger & less outspoken then.  Nowadays I remind folks like her
 AH> that if they run out of things to do I can put them to work at our
 AH> place.  I've yet to meet one person who will take me up on the offer! 

One fella, I have to reel in here. I'll invite him in, but when he starts
*making* work for me, I have to get almost physical before he catches on.
Different folks and their strokes. (Pardon the pun?)

 AH> Anyway, her son told us she had cancer a few years later.  We made
 AH> numerous attempts to contact her... but she wouldn't answer the phone
 AH> or the doorbell & she died shortly afterwards. 

Before my second sugury, a group at work took me out to the bar after work.
Talk about uncomfortable, but we all seemed to make the best of it. The
overt sympathy, I had to quell first, but the force laughter I let go
unchecked.

Your friend may have known her time was limited, and solitude was her most
comfotable companion.

 AH> I gather you're involved in a variety of activities which you
 AH> enjoy & which also have a creative component... e.g. writing music,
 AH> fixing old things, remodelling your home.  I can't see you limiting
 AH> your horizons in any way just because when you don't have somebody else
 AH> to set a schedule you don't know how to fill the empty hours.  Besides,
 AH> you're not isolating.  You asked a buddy to help you learn more about a
 AH> truck engine or something & you're also in contact with other people
 AH> via Fidonet.  "Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with
yourself."

I guess like any sane person, I always question how nuts I am. Learning why
others must encourage me to join them in activities I repeatedly express as
uncomfortable physically, is beyond me, and I have reached a point where I
stop reminding the persistant ones. I also resist outings, specifically
because I have so much to do here. Isolationist, sure, but I suspect more
out of cicumstance. Fer instence, I REALLY was wanting to get to the
community outreach building (I have to watch the clock.) early yesterday.
Because I busted my hump to meet a milestone in my basement, I quickly fell
back asleep to wake near five pm. Tomorrow, I'm planning to drop off a load
at a city sponcered cleanup day, so I did little else but watch TV while
catching up on fido today.

I do charish small interactive situations, like grocery shopping where I
can interact with staff, or tease a person about the quality of the
produce. Hell, I told the manager of the KFC yesterday, that he couldn't
hire a more pleasent employee who was standing beside him at the time. She
was the definition of 'polite', and very diplomatic. I doubt she needed to
bolster her self worth, but often people like her are not recognized, and I
enjoy doing it. Maybe in my 'too old to give a crap any more' years, (I
know, I'm old before my time. B-) I can tell the two neighbour kids they
distroyed the house they were renting. Screw it... If they are smart
enough, they'll know the weird guy might have been right.

 AH> Up to a certain point mental & physical activity... like the other
 AH> things we've been talking about... is good for us.  It enhances the
 AH> production of feel-good hormones, and human beings are naturally drawn
 AH> to what makes them feel good.  As a rule of thumb this arrangement has
 AH> served us well.  But there are exceptions, as with the (in)famous
"i"
 AH> before "e".  Sometimes the reaction wears off within a
short time... in
 AH> which case people tend to want more.  Both alcohol & carbohydrates may
 AH> cause a rise in blood sugar which is then followed by a sudden drop. 
 AH> Sometimes work is equated with virtue & people find it hard to explore
 AH> alternatives because they feel guilty and/or it's a new experience. I
 AH> doubt you're in any serious danger of workaholism because your body
 AH> lets you know when it's had enough activity for awhile, and you pay
 AH> attention....  :-)) 

Well, it's the 'pay attention' part that took forever. The crash and burn
cycle, I had first excused as middle age. (AT THIRTY!!!) So yes... It's
tough to lose your "most productive" years, and learn it's not
about to get better.

Full well, I bought all that hardwood flooring expecting to do something
with it, and I'm getting a charge out of planning and laying tiles. I took
enough art classes to *not* plan myself into a corner, and I did a big
batch of math on what wood would fit where in this living room a couple of
days ago, so I haven't lost the spark. It is still enough to irk me, when I
set a reasonable timeline for a chore, and the hip says "NO!"



... James

___ Blue Wave/QWK v2.20

--- Maximus 3.01