Message-ID: 

Here's my review of the latest outing from WWE, based on "how much
money was this match worth?"  At the end, I add it all up and see if
the PPV as a whole was worth the sum of its matches.

I caught the Tajiri match on Heat.  Speculation ran wild throughout
the room whether any match on the actual PPV would be any better
than this.  If I had known this match were going to be moved to Heat
I probably would have stayed home, watched Heat, and skipped the
PPV.

1.  Benoit and Cena "survive" in 13:14

John Cena came to the ring and did a rap about how the PPV was
ass-backwards, since the main event was at the beginning.  The crowd
wasn't as into him as they usually are.  I don't think I was alone
in being elated with the eliminations of Holly, A-Train, and
Bradshaw in the first 50 seconds of the match.  Angle took more
shots to his neck than I would have allowed if I were in charge.
Cena had a great look on his face as he held Show on his shoulders
(while his body was shaking from the weight) for what seemed like an
eternity, giving him the F-U.  I actually expected a bit more
interaction between Benoit and Lesnar, considering they are supposed
to be involved in a program against each other for the next month or
two.  At least they had Lesnar tap out to the crossface.  About as
good as you could get considering that six of the ten guys are
below-average workers.  After the match, Cena and Benoit stared at
each other, but then tapped fists to show that they were still both
faces.  As Cena walked up the ramp, he did the "You can't see me"
thing.  There were a couple of people with signs n the audience with
animated hands to do the "You can't see me" thing.

MATCH RATING: $1.80

Vince talked to Shane backstage.  When Vince left he ran into SCSA.
SCSA laughed.  Vince laughed back.  As expected, SCSA stopped
laughing abruptly and Vince swallowed hard.

RATING: $0.10


2.  Molly over Lita in 6:48

WWE surprised us and had the correct person win.  All the marks
expected Lita to win her first big match back, but they decided to
keep the belt on Molly for the time being.  Lita hit her handspring
into the corner and a Molly-Go-Round.  Molly got out of the way when
Lita did her trademark low altitude moonsault.

MATCH RATING: $1.80


3.  Kane over Shane McMahon in 13:33

This was probably the biggest let down of the night.  I didn't
expect good wrestling or anything, but I thought we'd get one huge
stunt dive from Shane to set up him being off TV for five months.
All we really got was a dive from the top turnbuckle through the
Spanish Announce Table (which I called before the match started) and
a Van Terminator off the roof of the ambulance (which I called about
ten minutes early) onto a cardboard box filled with padding.  Shane
was wearing a white shirt, but there was no blood to color it.
There were a few problems with the cameras during this match. They
also had two ambulances (one at the top of the ramp and one in the
back).  The fans can't have been happy at how much of the match took
place in the backstage area.  There was a cheaply made tin booth
with the word "security" written on it that was used as a prop for
Kane to jump through when Shane hit a concrete barricade with an
ambulance.  The other ambulance had the windshield broken from
Shane's head.  The nicest shot was an unprotected shot to Kane's
head from the back door of the ambulance.

MATCH RATING: $0.25

Josh interviewed Brock, but was interrupted by Goldberg.  The two
champions shook hands.

Coach comes out and babbles in the ring for a while.  As he's about
to leave, he sees Mark Cuban in the front row.  It looked like the
guy from Joe Schmoe.  Bisch comes out to cut him off.  Cuban comes
in the ring mark and Bischoff takes a bump to the
outside.  Randy Orton sneaks up behind Cuban and gives him a
stunner.  Cuban didn't take it right, but at least he sold the
effects longer than most non-wrestlers.  What ever happened to the
wrestling fed Cuban was rumored to be starting up?

Evolution was shown in the back with women and champagne (which no
one drank during the entire bit).

RATING: $0.30


4.  Bashams over Guerreros in 7:29

We didn't get the expected Chavo turn, so they must be saving that
for Smackdown.  No match involving Eddie should be anywhere under 20
minutes, as he is a master at storytelling when given enough time.
The end came when Chavo was going for a swinging DDT on one of the
Bashams and Eddie stood up at the wrong time and got kicked in the
face by Chavo.

MATCH RATING: $0.75


5.  Randy Orton was the sole survivor in 27:27

Steiner was in the ring for about five minutes straight, which must
be about four minutes longer than any match in several years.
Michaels stood on the apron for the first seventeen minutes or so of
the match.  He bled a gusher almost immediately upon starting.
You're always supposed to wait until you've been in for a while
before blading, so that the blood has a bunch of sweat to mix with
to look more impressive (along with taking a bunch of aspirin so
that your blood will be thin).  It was dripping all over the place
and was running thick.  I got in the usual round of "this is my
blood, shed for you", "why is HBK beating on someone named
Christian", etc quips before Orton pinned him.

MATCH RATING: $2.00

Austin looked stunned, talked to Michaels, said some words to the
crowd, stunnered Coach and some indie guys dressed up as police
officers, and drank some beer.

RATING: $0.10


6.  Vince McMahon over Undertaker in 11:56

Kane filled in for the expected Stephanie, setting up their expected
meeting at WrestleMania a bit early.  Not to be outdone by Michaels,
Vince bladed early and deep, dripping thick streams of blood all
over.  It was mentioned that a fan should have soaked up a bunch of
the blood and had it tested for steroids.  Undertaker stole Brock's
move of wiping a badge of blood across his chest.

MATCH RATING: $0.50


7.  Goldberg over HHH in 11:45

As expected, Goldberg retained so that HHH could go off to make
movies.  What was unexpected was that Goldberg went over cleanly,
and also got to punk out pretty much all of Evolution in the
process.  For some reason, Tazzz was still at the Smackdown table
during this match.  Goldberg refused to use the sledgehammer which
HHH had brought into the ring earlier.  Goldberg left about five
inches of "light" above HHH as he pinned him; he might as well have
pinned him with one finger.

MATCH RATING: $1.00

- = - = - = - = - = - = - = - = - = - = - = - = - = - = - = - = -

TOTAL MATCH RATINGS: $8.10

TOTAL SKIT RATING: $0.50

TOTAL PPV RATING: $8.60

WWE price of the PPV: $3x.99.  By that measure, I didn't get my
money's worth.

I spent about $9.00 in gas and $2.50 on food, so by that token I
also didn't get my money's worth.

Thanks to CRZ for the match results, so I didn't have to scribble
down notes instead of enjoying the PPV.  

- = - = - = - = - = - = - = - = - = - = - = - = - = - = - = - = -

For comparison, here's what I thought of the PPVs I saw in the last
couple of years:

WWF Wrestlemania 1998         1998/03/   unrated
WCW Spring Stampede 1998      1998/04/19 $24.10
WWF IYH: Unforgiven 1998      1998/04/26 $ 9.95
WCW Slamboree 1998            1998/05/17 $27.95
WCW Great American Bash 1998  1998/06/14 $28.05
WWF King of the Ring 1998     1998/06/28 $22.50
WCW Bash at the Beach 1998    1998/07/12 $17.35
ECW Heatwave 1998             1998/08/02 $24.90
WCW Road Wild 1998            1998/08/08 $29.80
WWF IYH: Fully Loaded 1998    1998/07/26 $ 6.95
WWF SummerSlam 1998           1998/08/30 $10.20
WCW Fall Brawl 1998           1998/09/13 $23.60
WWF Judgement Day 1998        1998/10/18 $25.10
WCW Halloween Havoc 1998      1998/10/25 $49.50
ECW November to Remember 1998 1998/11/01 $25.75
WWF Survivor Series 1998      1998/11/15 $21.40
WWF IYH: Rock Bottom 1999     1998/12/13 $ 8.40
ECW Guilty as Charged 1999    1999/01/10 $26.10
WCW Souled Out 1999           1999/01/17 $29.10
WWF Royal Rumble 1999         1999/01/24 $23.00
WWF St Val Day Massacre 1999  1999/02/14 $20.90
WCW SuperBrawl 1999           1999/02/21 $21.35
WCW Uncensored 1999           1999/03/14 $32.00
ECW Living Dangerously 1999   1999/03/21 $25.90
WCW Spring Stampede 1999      1999/04/11 $38.00
WCW Slamboree 1999            1999/05/09 $21.10
ECW Hardcore Heaven 1999      1999/05/09 $15.30
WWF King of the Ring 1999     1999/06/27 $13.40
WCW Bash at the Beach 1999    1999/07/11 $20.70
WWF Fully Loaded 1999         1999/07/25 $10.80
WCW Road Wild 1999            1999/08/14 $13.90
WWF SummerSlam 1999           1999/08/22 $19.05
WCW Fall Brawl 1999           1999/09/12 $12.85
ECW Ararchy Rulz 1999         1999/09/19 $32.25
WWF No Mercy 1999             1999/10/17 $13.00
WCW Halloween Havoc 1999      1999/10/24 $ 3.35
ECW November to Remember 1999 1999/11/07 $28.45
WWF Survivor Series 1999      1999/11/14 $10.95
WCW Meyhem 1999               1999/11/21 $17.75
WWF Armageddon 1999           1999/12/12 $22.05
WCW Starrcade 1999            1999/12/19 $23.65
ECW Guilty as Charged         2000/01/09 $25.70
WCW Souled Out                2000/01/16 $13.20
WWF Royal Rumble              2000/01/23 $20.00
WWF No Way Out                2000/02/27 $16.95
ECW Living Dangerously        2000/03/12 $21.80
WCW Uncensored                2000/03/19 $21.65
WWF WrestleMania              2000/04/02 $22.05
WCW Spring Stampede           2000/04/16 $23.70
WWF Backlash                  2000/04/30 $25.65
WCW Slamboree                 2000/05/07 $23.55
ECW Hardcore Heaven           2000/05/14 $23.05
WWF Judgment Day              2000/05/21 $11.25
WCW Great American Bash       2000/06/11 $16.55
WWF King of the Ring          2000/06/25 $ 1.40
WCW Bash at the Beach         2000/07/09 missed
ECW Heat Wave                 2000/07/16 $15.50
WWF Fully Loaded              2000/07/23 $24.40
WCW New Blood Rising          2000/08/13 $31.00
WWF SummerSlam                2000/08/27 $24.90
WCW                           2000/09/17 missed
WWF Unforgiven                2000/09/24 $16.65
ECW Anarchy Rulz              2000/10/01 $21.30
ECW                           2000/11/   missed
WWF Survivor Series           2000/11/   missed
ECW Massacre on 34th Street   2000/12/03 $ 9.65
WWF                           2000/12/   missed
ECW Guilty As Charged         2001/01/07 $15.70
WWF                           2001/01/   missed
WCW Superbrawl Revenge        2001/02/18 $37.60
WCW Greed                     2001/03/   missed
WWF WrestleMania              2001/04/01 $29.50
WWF                           2001/05/   missed
WWF King of the Ring          2001/06/24 $16.55
WWF Invasion                  2001/07/22 $15.25
WWF SummerSlam                2001/08/   missed
WWF                           2001/09/   missed
WWF                           2001/10/   missed
WWF Survivor Series           2001/11/18 $11.25
WWF Royal Rumble              2002/01/20 $14.15
WWF No Way Out                2002/02/17 $ 3.40
WWF WrestleMania              2002/03/17 $25.30/$36.40
WWF King of the Ring          2002/06/23 $ 6.55/$10.15
NWA TNA                       2002/08/14 $11.60/$12.20
WWF SummerSlam                2002/08/25 $21.10/$21.10
WWF Unforgiven                2002/09/22 $17.50/$21.15
WWF No Mercy                  2002/10/20 $16.85/$20.00
WWF Survivor Series           2002/11/17 $ 7.50/$ 9.20
WWF Royal Rumble              2003/01/19 $19.55/$19.55
WWF WrestleMania XIX          2003/03/30 $22.55/$23.45
WWE SummerSlam                2003/08/24 $16.25/$16.55
NWA TNA                       2003/09/10 $12.50/$14.00
WWE Survivor Series           2003/11/16 $ 8.10/$ 8.60

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--- Internet Rex 2.29