Hi again, James!  This is another continuation of my previous message:

JB>  Your friend may have known her time was limited, and
JB>  solitude was her most comfotable companion.


          Could be.  We were younger then & we'd had much less
experience with these things.  I'd like to think we would have been able to
help... but I also understand why people need to choose their own support
system!  Introverts may recharge their mental/emotional batteries by being
alone, or by limiting their contacts to a few trusted individuals. 
(Contrary to the popular wisdom when I was a kid, introversion is not a
form of mental illness which is best cured by forcing the victims to
socialize when they don't want to.)  What worried me in this case was that
our friend evidently sank into a depression & saw no reason to go on
living once her paid employment came to an end.  She was the first of
various people Dallas & have known who reacted that way.  Others
exclaim "Free at last!" and look a decade younger just after
their retirement.  They clearly welcome the opportunity to spend more time
with their loved ones and/or pursue the many & varied interests they'd
been forced to set aside earlier.

          My father was one of the latter... and while some women tell me
they get bored staying at home with their children, I wonder where I ever
found the time & energy for paid employment.  Often they ask "Do
you *work*??"  They see that Nora is using a wheelchair but either
they don't connect the dots or they don't feel work is meaningful unless
one receives $$$ for it.  We're obviously not on the same wavelength, and
I'm far too busy to educate everybody....  :-)



JB>  I guess like any sane person, I always question how
JB>  nuts I am.


          Right.  Others may think you're nuts because you're not like
them... but if you wonder whether you're nuts, you probably aren't.  :-))



JB>  Learning why others must encourage me to join them
JB>  in activities I repeatedly express as uncomfortable
JB>  physically, is beyond me, and I have reached a point
JB>  where I stop reminding the persistant ones.


          We have a few friends like that.  Most of them seem to be
extroverts, meaning their enjoyment of any activity is proportional to the
number of others willing to join in.  Come to think of it... we often have
similar problems when we're trying to buy shoes.  You can explain to the
salespeople that you'll need a bit of extra width to fit an orthotic or
that you spend a lot of time on your feet or that you're training for the
Boston Marathon, but with some of them you might as well be speaking a
foreign language.  They keep saying "These are very popular" as
if that's all that matters.  Maybe, to them, it is... especially if they're
on commission!  One young man of about Nora's age admitted frankly that
"I wear these because they look cool, but they're not
comfortable."  I think he is more introspective... he did acknowledge
our viewpoint.  But if people still don't get it after several reminders, a
simple "no" may be more effective.  :-)



JB>  I also resist outings, specifically because I have
JB>  so much to do here.  Isolationist, sure, but I suspect
JB>  more out of cicumstance.


          Yes... I do the same thing at times.  There are only so many
hours in a day, and the laundry (for example) keeps piling up whether or
not I'm here to deal with it.  I suspect outings may be more physically
exhausting for you than a lot of others realize, just as they are for Nora.
 And what I hear you saying is that you're fixing the fence etc. because
you can see it needs doing & you'd like to complete it within a
reasonable period.  That's very different from the sort of situation I
alluded to earlier, unless you are making work for yourself in order to
avoid being alone with your thoughts.  The woman I was referring to
reminded me of a bored kid who can't figure out how to fill an empty moment
but doesn't appreciate parental suggestions about helping around the
house....  ;-)




--- timEd/386 1.10.y2k+