10-18-08 23:52: Ardith Hinton to James Bradley, "Nature/Nurture"

Preamble: I've had so many foibles over the year, that I'm pretty sure I'm
duplicating info.  I also was able to blow up another
mail upload, addressing - in my usual elegance P-| the last two posts.

 JB>  Grand-dad "Hard work won't kill you, old age will." 

 AH> What I often refer to as mental/emotional work includes
 AH> bringing such things to a conscious level, where you can
 AH> acknowledge what your grandfather (or whoever) said as a
 AH> useful insight while recognizing its limitations.

RE: Family "traits"
 AH> can see myself in them, as if they were operating in an
 AH> alternative universe where I'd made different choices, and
 AH> sometimes they validate my perception of other relatives
 AH> with an offhand comment.  Dallas also has a cousin with
 AH> whom both of us feel the same way....  :-)

I think I'm the one that is talked about "with an offhand
comment." 


 AH> deeper.  Are you doing this because it suits your style,
 AH> because it's what you're accustomed to, or because you're
 AH> still trying to please your grandfather??  The

I'll let you know when I find out.  I think I strip it down to two options:
Lay down, and play dead until you die, or quit bitchin'cause nobody is going to
do it for you. The net result is what drives me. I prefer to mend my beaten
body, than to feed my body, just to grow more folds. 

[Half-year shelved data warning]
Now, half of the fencing this year was done on moms' rental property, but I had
the material scavenged, and I was eager to try a few new tools on the chore. I
insisted she pocket an insurance adjustment on the damaged fence, and I could
erect the sections for the cost of nails, screws, and the electricity to drive
them. I *may* put in a bill for the work, but I am more proud to 'get it done'
on the cheap, and stand it next to the contracted fence from last year.
(Realistically, pennies compared to thousands of dollars.)

[Year-old shelved data warning]
A job that opened my eyes to my approach, happened last year. About three
contractors warned mom that, "You can't do that." Before I realized exactly
what I was doing regarding my mental attitude, I *was* doing
"that", and I knew
exactly how I could make it work. Just when I thought I was over the "Oh...
Ya?", I was covered with the dust of another one. Now, that's all great when
the job works out, but the next one bit me. I'm still working on figuring out
my head when I get into these situations, but I know I get firmly entrenched in
them, and I dig in hard.


 AH> reminded of my grandmother's answer, for example, when I
 AH> asked why she kept the dining room clock twenty minutes
 AH> fast... "Grandpa liked it that way."  He'd been deceased
 AH> for several years by then.  Although her line of reasoning
 AH> didn't make much sense to me as a teenager she was able to
 AH> state it clearly.  Dallas & I later put this clock in our
 AH> dining room... set to the correct time.  In other cases,
 AH> however, our ancestors may never have explained why they
 AH> behaved the way they did & we may not be sure how best to
 AH> proceed.

Dad was driven nuts by my blazing a new trail. The rest of the family is
littered with conformists. To dads' chagrin, he might have better prepared me
for today, by unwittingly fostering me to rebel. 

 AH>            I imagine you learned from your grandfather the value of
 AH> hard work & perseverence... a very good lesson, IMHO!  But in his
 AH> day we wouldn't be having the sort of conversation we're having
 AH> now because people like Nora... if they'd managed to
 AH> survive past their fourth birthday... would have been kept
 AH> hidden in a back bedroom.  When there was no cure for
 AH> cancer there was no need to discuss strategies for dealing
 AH> with after-effects of treatment either.  We're pioneers,
 AH> just as our grandparents were.  The terrain is a bit
 AH> different, though....  ;-)

I suspect a discussion to our ancestors, about where to find cheap supplies for
a T.E.N.S. machine would equally need a few explanations.

Altruistically, I'd like to think health challenges would have been dealt with
on a case by case basis in the past, but institutional housing would have been
much more prevalent, I expect. (I get the willies from the "back
bedroom" you
speak of.) Perhaps therapies and aids are so much better today, that more
challenged kids are encouraged to live more autonomously?


... James
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