Hi, James!  Recently you wrote in a message to Ardith Hinton:

AH>  We do the majority of our shopping at local stores during
AH>  periods when they're not likely to be busy.  There are
AH>  various practical considerations involved, as I imagine
AH>  there are for you...

JB>  The crowds are not so much a consideration for me. I tend
JB>  to concentrate on the drive-time.


          Okay... I was thinking of some situations we've encountered in
which negotiating crowded aisles may be difficult.  When Nora is using a
cane rather than a wheelchair, as she often does for short distances,
others don't seem to grasp the idea that she's a bit unsteady on her feet. 
Maybe they don't expect to see a young person with a cane.  I had no
problem that way when I used one, but she doesn't have my grey locks &
"Don't try it!" schoolteacher glare.  ;-)



AH>  We prefer getting to know the butcher, the baker, and
AH>  the candlestick maker

JB>  Cripes... I recall only one of those proprietors as
JB>  being on my regular rounds, and I couldn't fathom where
JB>  I'd find the local candlestick maker. 


          That was a figure of speech... as I'm sure you know!  Synecdoche,
or possibly metonymy??  In an earlier lifetime it would have actually
mattered to me which was which.  In this lifetime I'm writing in a public
forum & I prefer not to announce to the world at large who we do
regular business with....  :-)



JB>  I've been concerned that I'm becoming that bitter old
JB>  cuss, and then a study came out that they live longer.


          Well... I wouldn't put it quite that way, but what I hear you
saying is along the same lines as what Bernie Siegel said.  You can hold
bitterness & resentment inside, and let them manifest themselves in
physical illness later, or... for example... you can blow off steam in the
SURVIVOR echo.  Once you've acknowledged your "negative"
feelings, you can use them productively....  :-))



JB>  Truth is, I'll likely die with low blood pressure, and
JB>  kids dangling off each ear.


          Sounds good to me... [chuckle].



JB>  Of course she thought the work I was doing was worthless,
JB>  or at least not as important as turning the water on and
JB>  off all afternoon. 


          The work she's doing... learning what happens when she turns the
tap on & off, and learning that not everybody is willing to do it for
her... is an important part of her growth & development.  Maybe she's
not mature enough yet to realize your work is also important to you.  But
this way, you can acquaint her with the facts of life & still get
things done around the house... [grin].



[re fifteen-year-old who had leukemia]
AH>  I reckon that kid is glad to be alive....  :-)

JB>  Woops! Sore subject. I told my doctor, "I don't feel
JB>  *lucky* to be alive." We shared a bit of a chuckle
JB>  over that, but he knows I'm coping as best I can. /-:


          Maybe "lucky" is somebody else's wording, not yours.  I
felt glad to be alive the morning after our car slid gently off the road
around Lake Watcom
... and the tiny sapling which kept it from falling 200 yds. downhill into
the river continued to do so as I crawled gingerly out the door on the
other side. But the circumstances were different & I was younger then. 
Nowadays I'm a lot mouthier than I used to be, and I must confess I rather
enjoy it sometimes!  I took longer to get to that point than the kid in my
anecdote.  There's a sense of freedom in being able to give oneself
permission to speak openly regardless of what triggered the decision.  He
may be thinking "Ah... what can they do to me that's worse than
spending six weeks in a pediatric oncology ward??"  In my case that
was undoubtedly a contributing factor.  Another was reaching a stage where
many people find a bit of grey hair gives them credibility... where they
are comfortable with themselves... and where it no longer matters to them
what roles other people expect them to fill.  I don't have to worry about
losing my job any more.  Nobody else wants it.  At last, I can do things my
way....  ;-)




--- timEd/386 1.10.y2k+