09-17-08 23:56: Ardith Hinton to James Bradley "Insights...  3."

 JB>  Your friend may have known her time was limited, and
 JB>  solitude was her most comfotable companion.


 AH>           Could be.  We were younger then & we'd had much less
 AH> experience with these things.  I'd like to think we would have been
 AH> able to help... but I also understand why people need to
 AH> choose their own support system!  Introverts may recharge
 AH> their mental/emotional batteries by being alone, or by
 AH> limiting their contacts to a few trusted individuals.

I approach this as the youngest of a family of meddlers. When I hear about
someone who screens their calls, and changes the locks on their door, I can
usually understand the motivation.


 AH> (Contrary to the popular wisdom when I was a kid,
 AH> introversion is not a form of mental illness which is best
 AH> cured by forcing the victims to socialize when they don't
 AH> want to.)  What worried me in this case was that our friend
 AH> evidently sank into a depression & saw no reason to go on
 AH> living once her paid employment came to an end.  She was

Ya... That's one time that I don't understand solitude too well. I thought you
mentioned she was in a pretty grim physical condition though, and was off work
to sort her affairs. I can speak to the feelings when you are a vibrant
individual one day, and realize you would volunteer as (Hell... INSIST being!)
"rear guard" should the need arise. I still explain that one as not being
depressed, but being in a place that is depressing.


 AH>           My father was one of the latter... and while some women tell
 AH> me they get bored staying at home with their children, I
 AH> wonder where I ever found the time & energy for paid
 AH> employment.  Often they ask "Do you *work*??"  They see
 AH> that Nora is using a wheelchair but either they don't
 AH> connect the dots or they don't feel work is meaningful
 AH> unless one receives $$$ for it.  We're obviously not on the
 AH> same wavelength, and I'm far too busy to educate
 AH> everybody....  :-)

Maybe, "I work full time for other than monetary rewards." Maybe 'too much
information' for most situations? Whenever I volunteer that I'm on disability,
their relief for thinking "He looks like crap." is palpable.


 JB>  nuts I am.

 AH>           Right.  Others may think you're nuts because
 AH> you're not like them... but if you wonder whether you're
 AH> nuts, you probably aren't.  :-))

This from the guy with a "short bus" in a Beenie Hat at the helm?
No, I *know*
I'm nuts, but I've still only squeaked out, "... Perhaps, mildly
paranoid." out
of the medical profession.  B-|


 AH> They keep saying "These are very popular" as if that's all
 AH> that matters.  Maybe, to them, it is... especially if
 AH> they're on commission!  One young man of about Nora's age
 AH> admitted frankly that "I wear these because they look cool,
 AH> but they're not comfortable."  I think he is more
 AH> introspective... he did acknowledge our viewpoint.  But if
 AH> people still don't get it after several reminders, a simple
 AH> "no" may be more effective.  :-)

"Listen:" is where I'm at. )-: 

Shoe shopping; I don't recall the last retail store I bought my last pair at.
I'm equally blank, as to the shoes I last bought at a retail store. I'll wager
they were on sale. 

If you need service in the field, I recall a family run store years ago in
downtown Calgary. They were knowledgeable and helpful, plus they had a workshop
in the back if you needed the right shoe stretched out here, and the left one a
quarter inch higher in the heal as an example. You'd first have to pass their
test, "Why do you feel you need a lift?" "Can you get a note
from your doctor
to say so?" ... I doubt these guys are still downtown, and if a store like
theirs is located in a mall, you'd be more likely to find them on a minor axis,
rather than working in a major retail store at the ends. There may be something
in the 'burbs there?


 JB>  I also resist outings, specifically because I have
 JB>  so much to do here.  Isolationist, sure, but I suspect
 JB>  more out of cicumstance.


 AH>           Yes... I do the same thing at times.  There are only so many
 AH> hours in a day, and the laundry (for example) keeps piling up
 AH> whether or not I'm here to deal with it.  I suspect outings

Ah... This on a day I missed my nephews' b-day, because a twenty-minute nap had
me sleep through the alarm, and a couple of phone calls.  I *wish* I
could say I accomplished something since then, but it's along the line - fed
the cat, consumed a coffee, and just cleared the sleep out of my eyes. Oh, and
I just about have this mail packet ready to send.  A happy cat, and a
fed Fido! 

 AH> may be more physically exhausting for you than a lot of
 AH> others realize, just as they are for Nora.  And what I hear
 AH> you saying is that you're fixing the fence etc. because you
 AH> can see it needs doing & you'd like to complete it within a
 AH> reasonable period.  That's very different from the sort of
 AH> situation I alluded to earlier, unless you are making work
 AH> for yourself in order to avoid being alone with your

Plenty time for "being alone with my thoughts." )-:

 AH> thoughts.  The woman I was referring to reminded me of a
 AH> bored kid who can't figure out how to fill an empty moment
 AH> but doesn't appreciate parental suggestions about helping
 AH> around the house....  ;-)

She could be so consumed with "Why don't you clean your kitchen like
*I* do?"


... James
___ MultiMail/Linux v0.49

--- Maximus 3.01