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X-From: vjunc{at}NOUCE.ev1.net (Dr Pepper)

The Masked Booker
 
Smackdown Commentary for 2003-09-04
 
1. Recap of Steph making a triple threat match for number one
contender for Angle's WWE title, and Undertaker's win.
 
2. Opening. The show is in New Orleans. Will Lash Leroux do a run in?
There was a bikini contest earlier, which they'll show us later.
Hopefully that won't take too much time away from the wrestling. Wait,
Torrie and Dawn Marie will be in it. I wonder if either will remember
their previous angle?
 
3. The APA comes out, looking really good. Haas and Benjamin come out,
looking a little flabby. Ok, not compared to *me* or the Big Show, for
that matter. But it does look as if they've been skipping gym for a
few weeks. H&S is defending their tag belts. The Team Formally Known
as Angle has a grievance. Apparently Farooq said Benjamin was Shaniqua
in drag. Or maybe the other way around. Hmm, isn't Farooq the one who
wanted Shaniqua to spank him?
 
There's a lot of high impact moves, with slams from the "World's
Braggingest Tag Team" and fists from the APA. Finally Haas gets the
win with an unusually blatant use of the ropes.
 
4. Eddie Guerrero is polishing his car. He admires Sable as she steps
out of Vince's limo. Vince, Sable, and The Big Show are headed into
the the arena when they run into Brock Lesnar. (I had to stop and
rewind there. CNN was showing some of the prep for the NFL concert. In
the background i could see Steven Tyler of Aerosmith, then i realized
i'd identified him mainly by the way he stands) Brock is upset that
Vince won't return his calls. Vince says hey i'll talk to you when i
feel like it, and right now i don't feel like it because you blew your
chances at summerslam when-- YOU TAPPED OUT! Brock whines don't say
that. Vince says let's take this private, in my office.
 
(commercials, fast forward)
 
5. Vince and Brock. Brock still needs a hug. Vince says, you're a
monster so act like one, dammit. Vince slaps Brock. Brock grabs Vince
as if intending to break him. Then he stops. They both smile.
 
6. Yo yo yo! John Cena is out. The commentators remind us that he beat
Eddie last week in his own home town. He says he wonders if Eddie's
car really needs polishing or if Eddie is just staying close for fear
that Cena will steal the car again. He raps. Apparently he
extinquished Eddie's latino heat by wetting on it. Oh and he also
raped Eddie.
 
7. Eddie drives down the ramp. He's got his US belt. He starts beating
Cena. But Cena grabs the belt and knocks him out. Cena jumps into the
low rider and backs it out. I couldn't do that, i'd be afraid of going
off the edge of the ramp. Eddie recovers just enough to watch
helplessly.
 
(commercials. HHM needs to feel the sting. You mean one of those
operations where the cops trick you into incriminating yourself as a
steroid user? Sound good to me. ff)
 
8. During the break. Apparently Cena backed the car all the way out to
the parking lot and drove it away.
 
9. Eddie is complaining to Steph, as if somehow she could recover the
car. She can't but she offers wrestling justice: Eddie can have Cena
in a match next week, any match. He says make it a latino street
fight. He leaves. Steph goes completely out of character and seems to
be staring at her cue cards.
 
10. Chris Benoit comes out. Recap of his match with A-Train where he
was given the win even though A had a foot on the ropes, and the
following ambush by Rhyno.
 
11. Albert comes out. This is a rematch to make up for the bad call.
But it's the same ref. The commentators sell Benoit as still suffering
from last week's gore. They also tell us that the latino street fight
will be in the parking lot.
 
I like Chris on Chris action. Or Chris on Dean. But A-Train is not a
mat technician so i'm expecting more impact and fewer holds. But
actually, A is almost keeping up. The ref calls for a break when
Benoit reaches the rope. A says that's not fair. Benoit has a nice
armbar and is looking for the crossface when Rhyno arrives. But Chris
dodges and Albert gets gored. Easy win for Benoit.
 
12. Undertaker talks about Kurt Angle. He respects him. But he's
taking the title tonight. And he will not tap out to the Angle Lock,
even if it breaks his ankle.
 
UT looks kind of tired. Is this really his last run? I'd like to see
the old Undertaker one more time.
 
(commercials, ff)
 
13. Rey Mysterio vs Tajiri tonight. I hope it gets plenty of time and
no interference.
 
14. Nidia and Tori are in string bikinis getting ready for the
contest. Nidia inserts falsies. Tori advises her on her moves. Nidia
puts bronzing on Tori's bottom.
 
15. Kurt Angle respects Undertaker. But he's keeping his title.
 
16. Vince and Show are in front of a door. Show looks as if he's
holding it closed. There are bumping sounds. Steph says hey that's my
office. Vince says, you can't go in right now, we're taking care of
business, or rather Brock is. So-- is Brock beating someone up? Or
maybe doing some kind of therapy?
 
(commercials, ff)
 
17. Recap of the number one contender match. Just in case we forgot it
from earlier.
 
18. UT heads down the ramp on his motorcycle. Hey remember when Kurt
spilt milk on it? And then tried to offer UT a scooter to replace it?
Of course not-- that was over a month ago!
 
Angle comes out, he seems to be walking a little stiffly.
 
Undertaker wants to punch. He's trying to avoid the mat. Both men look
sharp. Angle does all kinds of amateur style maneuvers. UT shows some
technique of his own as he keeps slipping out and getting back to his
feet. And there's the ropewalk and the jumping smash to the back of
the neck. Angle comes back with a rear bearhug and a snap takedown. UT
mows him down with an outside hook. UT in control, battering his
opponent. Angle sprawls on the floor, wracked with pain and struggling
to get up.
 
(commercials, ff, wait-- Bali Fitness has an S&M workout program? ff)
 
19. Apparently Angle snuck back into the ring while Undertaker was
watching the commercials. But the challenger still has momentum. He
drags Angle around the ring hitting him and throwing him into the
ropes. Angle finally rallies. Angle with a side headlock sleeper. UT
throws them both backwards, breaking the hold. Angle hits a couple of
suplexes. Angle batters UT in the corner. UT shakes it off and fires
back. UT staggers Angle. Slam. Boot. Angle is flat, time for a big
legdrop. But Angle dodges and grabs the Angle Lock. UT powers out.
Angle slam to pin. UT kicks out. Angle takes his straps down and goes
for another slam. UT with a strange hop frees himself. Chokeslam! Pin
for 2. Last ride. But Angle wriggles out. Almost out of his trunks
too. Angle Lock. UT won't tap. UT twists out and grabs an armbar.
Angle slips the armbar and goes for another Angle Lock. UT rolls out.
When did UT become a technician? UT crosses his ankles behind Angle's
neck for a sleeper while pulling his arms to keep him from escaping.
 
That puts Angle's face in Undertaker's groin. But the audience is so
pumped they're giving pure wrestling pops, not the porn pop that such
a position would normally elicit. Angle is struggling, Undertaker is
trying to hold on. UT leans back and his shoulders keep touching the
mat. Are we heading for a simultaneous pin/passout? But that takes
*two* refs and we only have one.
 
Kurt is trying to reach the rope. Inches away, folks! But he stops and
goes limp. The ref checks his arm. It falls once but with a sudden
surge, Angle reaches the rope with his foot! The ref calls for a break
then quickly counts the pin. UT breaks free on 2.999.
 
Both men flurry, exchanging hard blows. But soon they begin to sag
with exhaustion. UT seems to be holding Angle up with one hand
gripping his outfit while punching him with the other. Angle rallies.
UT rallies. Angle lock-- UT rolls out! Last ride-- Angle's flat. UT is
going for the pin-- IT'S BROCK LESNAR! He waffles both men with a
chair, possibly breaking UT's ankle. He nails Angle with his own belt.
Wow, he must really be a monster. The audience gives him the heel heat
he's been craving. They chant "you tapped out!".
 
Well, except for the run in, that was pretty good. If we're really
lucky it went on long enough to get the bikini contest dumped.
 
(commercials, ff)
 
20. Recap of what just happened.
 
21. During the break. Undertaker staggered backstage and refused help.
But he was hurt so badly he couldn't stop staffers from carrying him.
Meanwhile, someone is tending to Angle.
 
22. Bikini contest, with Taz in the Jerry Lawler role. I'm going to
fast forward until something significant happens, like Tori stabbing
Dawn for killing her father. Tori wins. Shaneeqa runs in and punks out
all the contestants. If only she could have come earlier and spared
us.
 
23. Farooq and Bradshaw are backstage. They're disappointed at not
winning the tag titles but they're not dwelling on it. Bradshaw has a
surprise for Farooq. It's the APA door! And now it's got a lock and a
doorbell. And behind it, not only the old office, but a butler! I
guess those claims about Bradshaw making a killing on Wall Street are
true.
 
(commercials, ff)
 
24. Rey Mysterio comes out. He's here to defend his cruiserweight
belt. Tajiri comes out. I rub my lucky Mr. Socko and whisper "no run
in, no run in".  They lock up, exchange some moves, then smile and
shake hands. It seems Undertaker has been taken to the hospital.
 
"I came to get down, i came to get down, so get on your feet and jump
around!" There's plenty of jumping here. And kicking and flipping. No
leg scissors rotation and takedown yet. Hey-- don't interrupt this
match!
 
(commercials, sigh, ff)
 
25. The match is still lively, they don't even bother to recap. Tajiri
is sent out of the ring. He seems a little slow getting up. Suicide
dive coming? Of course! Back in the ring Tajiri tries to go for a
superplex, but Rey flips himself first and gets out of it. Tajiri is
doing a lot of fast kicks. Tarantula-- failed. Kick-- ducked. Rey is
in position for a splash, but Tajiri rises up on his shoulders and
extends his body in a double kick interception. Rey tries a tarantula
but can't set it. More kicks, more jumps. But still this is a less
aerial match than normal frm these men. Finally one of Rey's leaps
connects and he gets the pin. Tajiri goes to shake hands. And does the
green mist instead, followed by a kick.
 
26. Ad for Brock Lesnar's video.
 
(commercials, ff)
 
27. No sense! No sense in hell! Vince and the Big Show come down to
the ring. Taz calls Vince "The Master Motivator". Which is Teddy
Long's title, playa, stop disrepecting the black man! Vince says two
weeks from now, Angle will defend his belt against Brock Lesnar in a
one hour endurance match.
 
Vince calls Brock to the ring. Brock doesn't come out, instead he
answers from a skybox. Vince asks what Brock had been doing in the
office earlier. Brock says thank you for slapping me earlier and
reminding me of who i am-- a monster! That's what gave him the
confidence to take out UT and Angle. Brock's palm looks burnt. Brock
says sit down to someone off camera. Brock says that Vince had earlier
said that "a certain someone" had to be here tonight or else be fired.
The audience chants "you tapped out!" Brock says that's old news. He
says he was reminiscing with that someone. Someone who had overcome
many odds. Is he trying to say he was slapping around Zack Gowen? Yes,
he's got Zack there, sitting in a wheelchair with a big cast on his
one leg, the leg Brock broke. He's also gagged. Brock says it's a
special, rocket powered wheelchair. Does that mean he's going to push
him down the stairs at the front of the skybox? Well not now, Brock
turns and pushes the wheelchair out the back door.
 
Vince says well goodbye Brock, i can see you're busy. Big Show is
laughing it up. Brock is pushing the chair somewhere in the back.
There is another stairway there. Brock gleefully informs Zack that he
could go down the stairs right now. "That's a long way down, ain't it,
boy?" He's going to demonstrate his monster nature some more.
 
Zack grabs a rail and throws himself out of the chair. Brock says oh,
you don't wanna go down the stairs, well why don't you make a run for
it? Zack groans through the gag and tries to crawl away. Brock lets
him go for a few minutes while taunting him and then drags him back.
Brock put Zack back in the chair. He says "this is a magic chair-- it
can fly!" Brock offers to save Zack the pain by strangling him first.
Meanwhile in the ring, even Vince seems appalled.
 
Brock pushes Zack down the stairs. Zack lies there still and crumpled.
I think i saw a discontinuity there, presumably where they replaced
Zack with a dummy.
 
Brock sits down on the stairs and grins in satisfaction.
 
(end)
 


--- Internet Rex 2.29