Subject: 
        MCRGO: Canada to Ban Wall-Hooks
  From: 
        "David K. Felbeck" 
CANADA TO BAN WALL-HOOKS
Chatham, Ontario. The Chatham school system has removed all wall-hooks in all
schools as a result of a terrible tragedy in which a boy strangled after 
eing
hung up by his clothes on a wall-hook on the wall of a school bathroom. No
information is available regarding the boys who carried out this attack. 
The Canadian anti-wall-hook movement is now calling for a complete ban on all
wall-hooks throughout Canada. Ms. Sarah O'Grady, president of Wall-hook 
Control
International (WCI), is quoted as saying at a hastily called press conference 
in
Chibougamau, Quebec, "If we can save just one child, everyone must make the
sacrifice and do without wall-hooks." It is expected that Parliament will 
ote
to ban these "instruments of destruction" throughout the country at an early
date. 
Meanwhile, as a strictly precautionary move, the Royal Canadian Mounted 
olice
have sent out SWAT teams to all hardware and department stores throughout the
country to confiscate their stocks of wall-hooks. The prime minister.,
vacationing at his sumptuous retreat on Mouse Island, Newfoundland, has 
igned
an order, effective immediately, to ban the importation of foreign-made 
multiple
wall-hooks, which he says are especially dangerous. He believes that, at the
most, no one has a compelling need for a wall-hook with more than two prongs. 
In a related publication of the Canadian Society of Physicians, Dr. Josh
MacHellerman of the University of Moose Jaw has provided the results of a 
study
sponsored by the Canadian Institute of Health's Center for Disease Control 
that
has proven that in homes with wall-hooks people are 42 times more likely to 
die
from wall-hooks than from use of wall-hooks for hanging clothing. Noting that 
he
considers wall-hooks to be a national  public health problem, Dr. 
acHellerman
noted that Penetangueshene, Ontario, passed a law in 1911, the O'Sullivan 
aw,
which has required a permit for purchase and ownership of wall-hooks. He 
otes
the astounding success of this law as there have been no deaths from 
wall-hooks
in Penetangueshene since 1911. He does not indicate the wall-hook death rate
prior to 1911. 
In a contrary statement, the Canadian National Wall-hook Association (NWA)
provided evidence that those provinces in which wall-hooks have been banned 
have
experienced an average of 1427 more deaths per year from people tripping and
falling over clothes on the floor than in those provinces where wall-hooks 
have
not yet been banned. The NWA said that they have been providing training in
schools regarding the dangers of wall-hooks through the Eddie Hook program, 
but
that many school administrators are so anti-wall-hook that they would not 
allow
any information regarding wall-hooks to be discussed in their schools. The
Honorable  Diane Von Fenstein, national minister of safety and morals, said 
that
because the NWA is sponsored by the wall-hook lobby its data should be 
ignored.
She said, from her home in Toad River, B.C., "If I had my way, Mr. and Mrs.
Canada, I'd take away all your wall-hooks." Asked if she had ever owned a
wall-hook, Ms. Von Fenstein said that she did many years ago while she was 
mayor
of Attawapiskat, Ontario, but that it was necessary at the time. When asked 
f
she currently owns any wall-hooks, she declined to answer. 
The Honorable Edward O'Kennedy, national minister of bridges, stated that he
believes that possession of wall-hooks is a danger to society. A reporter 
asked
him if his valet uses wall-hooks and he responded, "Of course, I'm a very
important person and the use of wall-hooks by my valets is essential to my
well-being. However, I do not personally own any wall-hooks." 
In Deadwood, Alberta, Dr. Renee Smith, a psychiatrist on the board of WCI, 
said
that "men have a thing about wall-hooks, the bigger and blacker the better. 
e
must persuade them that it is socially unacceptable to own wall-hooks." 
At a press conference later in the day in Mouse Island, the prime minister
noted that people in positions of authority will of course need to have
wall-hooks for their own use. When asked by a reporter if that meant that 
nly
the wealthy, famous or politically connected will get wall-hook licenses, the
P.M. said this was "absolutely false." He added that he is asking Parliament 
to
include in the licensing law a provision requiring that all wall-hooks be
equipped with electronic safety latches that prevent their use by children or
unauthorized persons. The NWA protested that such a measure would reduce the
utility of wall-hooks and add substantially to their cost, but the P.M. said,
"If only one life can be saved, it will be worth it." 
The Honorable Charles Steamer, member of Parliament, spoke on this gripping
issue from his hunting lodge in Meander River, Alberta. He is introducing a 
bill
to require licensing all wall-hooks in private homes "so we can control their
use and possible re-sale." For now, he is willing to allow "possession by
private individuals of those wall-hooks used solely for hanging sporting 
clothes
and equipment." He noted that "no one has any reason to own a wall-hook not
suitable for sporting purposes." 
No information has yet been made available regarding the boys who carried out
the terrible attack in Chatham. The Chatham police chief said, "Every one of
these kids led an unhappy childhood and it is society's fault for not taking
proper care of them. If we can only outlaw all wall-hooks, this will never
happen again, eh?" 
Reported with only partial tongue-in-cheek by:
David K. Felbeck
Felbeck@engin.umich.edu
Feb. 14, 1998
Permission to reprint in whole or part provided full attribution is given. 
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