On (22 Apr 96) Lostboy was mumbling to All...
 L > could someone please tell me if I'm getting through (out, on-line ???)
 Why Welcome Lostboy, I have not paid attention much to this echo lately
 except for chasing off the occasional cross poster....
 Myself I am an alcoholic, and my my name is Tim....
 I have been clean and sober over 6 years and almost 4 months...
 It's very important for me to remember the days however...
 It's almost at a point where I could glide by and take my recovery
 for granted... almost... ;-)
 In this past month, I had an either weird high or a bad drug test..
 all I know is what the folks at work said.. I tested positive for
 morphine.. which in and of itself contradicted my claim on any 
 sort of recovery. This was no where near my drug of choice either.
 It was an emotionally grinding time for me. I -=KNEW=- I did not get
 high.. take anything or whatever.. and my friends for the most part
 supported me in my claim...
 The hardest was the self questioning that went on in my head..
 the old, Did I?, Did I? sort of questioning that I went through
 coming off a bad drunk. The old self doubt, yet on the other side 
 of the coin there was the -=KNOWING=- that I had contact with
 program folks the entire time I have been in program...
 and -=>THAT'S<=- every day, the way I was living my life lately.
 The hardest thing now was to prove I was not doing anything 
 and to do it right.. and you know I did not take my friends
 advice to do a personal drug screen... nor did I retain
 a lawyer to bust the chain of custody to render the test 
 invalid.. no what I did was pray about it.. give it to the
 gods/ess' to let them handle as they so fit.
 Next thing I knew some people came into my life and started doing
 what I could not do.. and all I had to do is make some phone
 calls and two faxes received and wait four weeks from start to
 finish.. and yeah the test was exactly as I felt it was, it was
 invalid and not legal to begin with.. a false positive to boot..
 but I lost my job because of this, I was not a happy camper
 at the time, you can ask a few select people here...
 and what kept me sane and sober? My higher power, the Goddess
 the Horned one etc... not to mention a special friend or
 two that no matter what I could always talk to.
 and the meetings....
 this morning I get to deal with an unemployment review, yes
 I prayed already.. It's her will for the day...
 
 I don't know where I will go from here, but all I know is
 that so far it's been better than I expected, and I 
 expected very little...
 
 So much for shortchanging myself again...
 
 Tim....
... "I've changed my mind.  People are scum."
--- PPoint 2.00
---------------