on 05-10-09 21:56: Ardith Hinton to James Bradley re: Let It Snow...  1C.

 AH>           Uh-huh.  She's not stupid, lazy, or uncaring...
 AH> she is overwhelmed by other problems at times.  The same
 AH> might also apply to your neighbours....  :-)

Aim two doors closer to *my* address. I'll argue with the "not
stupid" point
though.  I told mom today when "Welfare mom" was brought
up as a topic,
(Gossiping was entrenched in my upbringing, but you didn't hear it from me. B-)
"I'll be friendly. I'll try to help. But, I can't stick my neck out
for her."


 AH>           I'm not into placing blame & I usually take whatever people
 AH> say about their ex with a grain of salt.  In this case I like
 AH> both parties, but I see how & why they were probably
 AH> mismatched in certain ways.  Neither of them realized,
 AH> until they became parents, how different their thinking
 AH> styles were.  I get the impression their upbringing was
 AH> quite different too.  In the EdBiz we often say people tend
 AH> to teach the way they were taught.  Sometimes that works,
 AH> sometimes it doesn't.  Not all kids respond equally well to
 AH> the same teaching style.  The same applies to parenthood...
 AH> people tend to parent the way they were parented.

 AH>           With parenthood there is an added complication, assuming both
 AH> parents are actively involved in the upbringing of a
 AH> particular child.  They'll be team teaching for twenty
 AH> years or more & their relationship may not be up to it.  In
 AH> team teaching the crucial factor is not that both parties
 AH> do things exactly the same way but that they understand &
 AH> acknowledge each other's strengths....  ;-)

... Not each others weaknesses? 

The whole world is seemingly fixated on a reality show couple named Jon and
Kate. (I watch the show often, too.) Now that their daily situations are
exposed to the viewing public, I can't imagine how the whole world seemingly is
putting pressure on the couple, and how I might deal with that same pressure.
Comes to light, the divergence of their upbringing, the difference to their
parenting style, how one desires familiarity and the other peruses freedom...

I imagine there's a viable reason for the term "honeymoon
period", and a varied
but predictable outcome at the end of it. I suspect the whole of their efforts
were placed on conception, and now that the "We'll beat all
expectations" phase
has worn thin and the grind began...

But I wasn't there when the cameras were off, and the footage that "hit the
floor" mostly stays there. I can only form my own judgments from what they air.
The dynamics to any relationship is far more complicated in a "reality
show" or
in real life, and my assessment is likely a small snapshot of the whole
picture.


 AH>           Yes.  If you are in any doubt about who you want to spend the
 AH> rest of your life with, I'd definitely recommend you go camping
 AH> with them... [chuckle].

Don't you find too much emphasis is placed on commonality? I was adamant about
finding myself a mate who could handle herself in a crisis, but now that I find
myself less effective, I tolerate more fragility in others.


 JB>  An appropriate reward for an adequate job. That's
 JB>  something my cynical eye has forgotten about.


 AH>           I'd almost forgotten too, until you reminded me, how we had
 AH> people at our back door when I was a child offering to do a bit of
 AH> work in exchange for a sandwich or whatever.  If a person
 AH> is willing to do something useful for others
 AH> ... e.g. holding a door open or doing some manual labour or
 AH> playing a tune on a musical instrument to entertain passers-
 AH> by... I may have some empathy for them. If they want my
 AH> money just for acting helpless, they can go fly a kite....
 AH> :-)

Hmmm... Last week, I did a favor for Welfare mom, and early this week, her
husband (Separated for years.) and I cut a counter top for his home. Yesterday,
I roused him to pick up a discarded weight bench because he expressed an
interest in that sort of thing earlier. Just minutes ago, he knocked on my door
to give me a hand with a task I had asked for his advice on. 

Because he is eager to help me, I am eager to help him. As long as the effort
is made, so there is mutual benefits, the flow continues.



 JB>  It's up to the student, isn't it. 


 AH>           In a word... yes.  :-)

... And greed versus generosity. Shoot, this is complicated.  




... James
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