Welcome to another edition of the Metric Dozen Punnies & Funnies, personally  curated by yours truly, the Cyberpope, Bishop of ROM.

Please do comment as to which you loved & which you hated. . . 

Also, at any time, let me know if you're done with receiving these. Because  you're a mate, I won't even charge you my usual $19.00 cancelation fee! ;) 

-= 1 =-
Here we have a few from a French laguage jokes site, translated, & only  included when they translated well as funny in English; these were listed as  "adult"

A gynecologist caught Parkinson's disease, but has since made a quick fortune.

A janitor is pregnant. His doctor asks her who the father is. She answers:
- Do you think maybe I have time to
turn around when I clean the stairs?

A guy arrives at the office one morning all beaming and announces to his  colleagues:
- Hey, guys, you're all cuckolds!
- And why us? they answer.
- Because last night I slept with my wife!

-= 2 =-
A traveling sales representative returns home at four in the morning. So as not to wake his wife, he undresses before entering the bedroom. He enters quietly.
It was then that he met a man who came out and said to him:
- Good luck, old man. But I advise you to act quickly:
she is expecting her husband at any moment!

-= 3 =-
Jeff Foxworthy's "Redneck Words":

If you've ever been on television more than 5 times Describing what the tornadoes sounded like... You might be a redneck
If you've ever cut your grass and found a car... You might be a redneck
If your dad walks you to school because your in the same grade... You might be a redneck
If you've ever been too drunk to fish... If somebody asks to see your ID and you show them your belt buckle.. If every day somebody comes to your house mistakenly thinking your having a Yard sale
If you've ever had to haul a can of paint to the top of a water tower to defend Your sister's honor..
You might be a redneck
If your dog and your wallet are both on a chain... You might be a redneck
They always make fun of the way I talk, I keep telling them I said your gonna  be
Real surprised when you get into the habit in St. Petersburg and say "Y'all get into the truck, we goin up to the big house." If you've ever financed a tattoo.... If you've ever made change in the offering plate... You might be a redneck
We have words in the south they don't have in other parts of the country.. Now, you come to the south, we have words like...yu'nt to We goin to the mall, yu'nt to?
What letter does that start with, does anybody know? I like this word alot...aight
That's a word in Texas...aight
Round lunch time every day, you'll hear somebody say "hey jeet yet, naw, dju? Yu'nt to? Aight." If you go to the family reunion to meet women.... If you smoked during your wedding.... You might be a redneck
And last but not least
If you see a sign that says say no to crack And it reminds you to pull your jeans up... You might be a redneck

-= 4 =-
ET YOUR VEGETABLES!
Q: What is the strongest vegetable? A: A muscle sprout!

Q: Why did the Tomato take a prune to the movies? A: Hecouldn't find a date.

Q: What vegetable is off-limit to Vegans? A: a ZOO-chini.

Q: When do potatoes argue?
A: When they can't see eye to eye.

Q: Why did the tomato get embarrassed and turn red? A: it saw the chick pea.

Q: How do you grow a chicken in your garden? A: Plant an eggplant

Q: What is small, red, & whispers?
A: a hoarse radish

Q: Why do fungi have to pay double fares? A: They take up too mushroom.

Q: Which vegetables did Noah not take on the Ark? A: Leeks

Q: How do you fix a broken vine fruit? A: Tomato Paste

-= 5 =-
1. Doctor, doctor! I think I'm a bell? Go home and take these and if you're not better soon, give me a ring.

2. Doctor, doctor! I feel like a pack of cards. I'll deal with you in a minute!

3. Doctor, doctor! I've swallowed my pocket money! Take this and we'll see if  there's any change.

4. Doctor doctor! I think I'm a shepherd. I wouldn't lose any sheep over it.

5. Doctor, doctor! I feel like a carrot. Don't get yourself in a stew.

6. Doctor doctor! I think I'm at death's door? Don't worry, we'll soon pull you through

7. Doctor, doctor! Do you have something for a headache? Yes, try this hammer.

8. Doctor, doctor! I feel like a pair of wigwams! Ah yes, the issue is you've  become too tense.

9. Doctor, doctor! I get heartburn whenever I eat birthday cake. Next time take the candles off!

-= 6 =-
Ray Romano, famous for his sitcom: "Everruybody Loves Ratymond" & his own stand up career.  This is a story of his twin boys when they were still 'babies:' https://www.liveone.com/song/ray-romano/the-tub-story

-= 7 =-
corporate America's anthem?
ôOh Beautiful for smoggy skies, 
insecticided grain,
For strip-mined mountain's majesty  above the asphalt plain.
America, America, man sheds his waste on thee, And hides the pines with billboard signs, from sea to oily sea.ö
--George Carlin

-= 8 =-
Driver Math:
Q: What do you get when you cross 1 Cadillac with 1 train? A: 1 widow + 4 orphans - 1 idiot

-= 9 =-
Quotables:

"Wal-Mart is testing out an app that would allow shoppers to skip the checkout  line. Currently that service is known as shoplifting." -Conan O'Brien

"Brace yourself, because Kraft has announced that they've gone natural. I first assumed that natural meant they were doing their products in the buff. But they mean they have removed all artificial preservatives, flavors, and dyes from  their classic Mac and Cheese recipe. I don't get it. I was not aware, first of  all, that a packet of orange dust was a technically a recipe." -Stephen Colbert

-= 10 =-
The little boy wasn't getting good marks in school. One day he made the teacher quite surprised. He tapped her on the shoulder and said, "I don't want to scare you, but my daddy says if I don't get better grades, somebody is going to get a spanking."

--- BBBS/Li6 v4.10 Toy-6