George,

 >> Well, He's just sausage (ground "hog," get it?)
 > If he was ground dog, he was playing with his weiner. :P

 GP> Who hasn't?

 GP> Only women & liars. . .

  And someone who hasn't learned about it yet. Besides, after peeing,
if you shake it more than twice, you're playing with it. :P

 > And, meteorological spring is ALWAYS on March 1.

 GP> What is that -- spring is an astronomically defined event (beginning on
 GP> the  vernal equinox)

 GP> Why March 1?

  Meteorologically, the first of the month for the seasons is a "constant".
With astronomical seasons, it varies between the 20th, 21st, and 22nd.
But, the season months are still the same...spring starts in March, summer
starts in June...autumn (or fall, if you prefer) starts in September, and
winter starts in December. Meteorologically, it's also better in recording
weather data.

 GP> Classic.  I've used a variation of that. ("If your coffee tastes like
 GP> mud, it's because it was just ground after you ordered it")

  I never acquired a taste for coffee...and since giving up caffeine (it
set my heart rate racing), I rarely drink tea anymore. I think there is
such a thing as decaffineated (sp?) tea (there is for coffee).

 GP> My face diner trick is I'm abnle to balance a teaspoon in a coffee mug
 GP> without  putting sugaer orsalt at thew bottom -- it loks like the spoon
 GP> is sticking  straight up from the middle of the coffee; I call the
 GP> waitress over & say,  "Finally, you're making the coffee strong enough
 GP> for the morning shift!"

  What's this fly doing in my soup?? Looks like the backstroke to me. 

 GP> Occasaionally one has to stir to see if there's a pile of saugar at the
 GP> bottom.

  Not sure which is worse...the sugar or artificial sweetners.

 GP> Q: Why did the coffee file a police report? A: It got mugged.

  Some people can't start their day without coffee and donuts. Just ask
the church folks on Sunday morning. :P

 GP> My barista didn't filter my coffee right. I issued her a restraining
 GP> order.

  Got to be thicker than toilet paper. :P

 GP> Q: Why did the hipster burn his lips on coffee? A: He drank it before
 GP> it was cool!

  If he was blonde (blonde males do exist), you'd think he burned his lips
on the tailpipe trying to start his car. :P

 GP> Q: Why do Dasher and Dancer love coffee so much? A: Because they are
 GP> Santa's star bucks!

  They were the two who ate plenty of baked beans for plenty of poo-pulsion
for their Christmas Eve runs. :P

 GP> Instead of water, I accidentally put RedBull in the the back of my
 GP> coffee maker this morning. I was halfway to work before I realized I
 GP> forgot my car.

  Or like Jeff Dunham's Peanut character...he was extremely buzzed and wired
from a combination of NyQuil and RedBull.

Daryl

... Why don't potholes knock your tires back into alignment??
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