> George,
>> Man up & upgrade to a tablet or mini tablet (widescreen smartphone)
> I'm so broke I can't pay attention.

You trook the words right out of my motrh -- how bloody unsanitary!

I use that line regularly & honestly. . . (I have ADHD, too--they're not  related, but it works)

>> Q: What do you call a bathroom line? A: A P.Q.
> You'll have to explain that one.

A Pee Queue.

> Being home alone is where you can poop with the door open. 

If necessary -- it do help disperse the evil.  I bought a mini 4"fan from  Amazon that I leave running in the bathroom 24/7 -- helps a LOT, especially  with reducing the stifling heat in summer or when the furnace comes on too  often in the winter. . . (sam,e size vent to give enough heat to keep the big  living room warm as for the little bathroom)

>> When my wife caught me standing on the bathroom scales, sucking in my
>> stomach,  she laughed, "Ha! That's not going to help!" "Sure, it does."
>> I said. "It's the only way I can see the numbers."
> I have an electronic scale with LED numbers, but you have to look down at
> it.

Same, but Iu mamage, so I'm not so bad yet. . .plus I've been steadily losing  1lb/week for almost a year now. 

It's basic math: fat = energy, stored. calories = energy

To lose weight one must either reduce calories or increase activity (to  increase outpout of calories); physical exercise isn't an option for my semi- paralyzed self, so I've had to crack down on how & how much I eat -- it's  obviously working!

My GP twigged me to MyNetDiary website & app -- helps so much! (not an ad)

I loove math, so t he match was an easy & obvious one, once I likened it to a  math equation.

Q: why dont atheists solve exponential equations ? A: they dont believe in higher powers.

When life gives you lemons, make lemonade; when life gives you apples, make  physics equations
F=ma

Q: What do you call a person who uses algebraic equations to calculate coffin  sizes?
A: A mathemortician.

The difference between the engineer, the physicist, and the mathematician.. The engineer believes equations approximate reality.. The physicist believes reality approximates equations.. The mathematician has no idea what the other two are talking about.

An escalating series of math jokes (PG)

Me: Roses are red. Violets are blue. Math is hard, and so I am.

Her: I wish you were my differential equations homework... because if you were, you would be hard and I would be doing you on my desk.

Me: Well, I'm awfully glad you're not *my* differential equations homework...  because if you were, you would be 6 weeks late.

--- BBBS/Li6 v4.10 Toy-5