> George,
>> TMI, my friend!
> I'm sure I'm not the only person who deals with that on occasion.
>> I take medicine usually for gout, as my latest kidney stone type arte
>> uric acid-based. (living too well, thus eating more meat); trying to
>> stick to  exactly 4oz servings now (weighed out to 120g); seems to be
>> helping. . .
> Ever since I gave up carbonated beverages, I haven't had a single stone.

I cut them out long ago! I only dranbk then wheb I was doing 12-hour shift  work, as one rapidly drunk Coke did more to wake me up than the speed with  which I could ingest caffeine via coffee. 

>> I got that message at 2am, your time & again at 10am your time --
>> seemed an  awful long time to say I'm getting too near 5am?
> There was a system glitch with the time...and there's another one where
> the system won't busy itself out for nightly maintenance at 12 midnight,
> so the doors can be processed. So, I have to manually down the nodes, until
> maintenance is done.

"Feces occurs" is a maxim in every field.

>> Seems it would've been far cheaper to have a housecall doctor come see
>> you instead!
> Very few physicians, nurses, do house calls anymore.

I've found a housecall doctor or two in every city with an intewrnational  airport in the USA. I believe LR has such?

>> I called up Weight Watchers, told them there was an emergency and asked
>> for them to send someone round! Turns out they+ve got tons of them!
> A balanced diet -- balanced in the belly and in the buttocks. 

The 3 Bs of Feminine Beauty: Boobs, Belly, & Butt (or is that 4?)

>> Uh oh... Emergency: you brought me the wrong tool... This is not a
>> drill... I repeat, this is not a drill!
> Those are the 5 most feared words of an emergency communications
> operator. That was also what was sent right after the Japanese bombed
> Pearl Harbor just over 80 years ago.

not a drill is bad, to, when you asked for a fleeping HAMMER!

STOP!
Drill Time! (nope; could never have become the hit for MC that "Hammer Time"  was. . .)

>> Pro Tip: If you have a gashed wound, it is cheaper to go to a comedy
>> club than the emergency room. You just pay the cover charge and
>> they'll have you in stitches.
> The comedy can bleed you dry...because you peed on yourself.

I do try to avoid that one.  I've slowly built up new muscles tyo control my  uyrethras farther up (as I often get a sharp jagged stone shard lodged at the  main point of squeezing off the flow, & when I squeeze, AIIIII,. pain like  nothing else! & the urethra automatically spasms wide open!  So I've had to  find & exercise muscles further up the pipe, to control flow in such a  situation.

>> I wear a stethoscope so that in a medical emergency... I can teach
>> people a valuable lesson about assumptions.
> Never assume...besides, "OOPS!!" is NOT a valid response.

It might well be a COMMON response,but you're never allowed to be awake during  surgeries to witness it!

Police are looking for a man selling marijuana to birds. Eyewitnesses report he left no tern unstoned.

Nothing spoils a good story
like the arrival of an eyewitness.

Neighbours testified they heard 3 gunshots Well, yeah, one for the murder, & 2 more to clear out the obvious eyewitnesses.

Detective Johnson and detective Smith were investigating a murder that occurred next to a playground. The only witnesses to the murder were four children, a  brother age 3 and sister age 4, and a different brother (age 7) and sister (age 8).
The children all lived in a nearby apartment complex. The younger siblings  lived in apartment 8D and the older ones lived in apartment 9D. Detective  Johnson advised Detective Smith that she probably shouldnÆt bother question  8DÆs children about what they saw, since theyÆre too young to have a reliable  memory. He believed that Smith would have a better chance of getting good  information from the older children, since only 9DÆs kids will remember.

--- BBBS/Li6 v4.10 Toy-5