>   You're on a roll...not sure if it's sweet...or if you're just bageling for
 > attention. 

I'm partial to chocolate-whipped cream rolls, myself.

 >  GP> "Ex wife!" she screams, "I didn't know you were married before!"

 >  GP> "I wasn't," he replied.

 >   He is now!! :P

Depending on how that conversation went, I'd think.

 >  GP> "According to a recent survey, 12 percent of Americans say that it's
 >  GP> fine to cheat a little on your taxes. While the other 88 percent know
 >  GP> not to talk to a guy with a clipboard asking them if they cheat on
 >  GP> their taxes." -Jimmy Fallon

 >   He has a button that says I.R.S. 

In his pocket, of course! He's evil, not stupid.

 >  GP> "Two passengers on a flight to Ibiza over the weekend reportedly had
 >  GP> sex while in their seats. And nobody was more upset than the guy in the
 >  GP> middle." -Seth Meyers

 >   Talk about a mile high threesome. :P

I'd've offered to switch seats to let rthem accommmodate each other better --
what do I care how they enjoy each other or when? But I dn't want anything
extra in my drink, for sure, so being in the middle wouldn't work for me.

 >    Or did they come up with that on the sperm of the moment, and
 > I guess the reply got ejaculated...from a rather teste call. Or did they
 > have the balls for it, say the whole thing was just nuts, and they felt
 > rather peckerish about it?? (Yes, I'm in one of my nether moods this
 > morning ).

Ass if I hadn't noticed!

 >  GP> "A rare fish normally found only in the Amazon was caught yesterday in
 >  GP> a New Jersey pond. Researchers believe the fish got to New Jersey the
 >  GP> same way as everyone else: by giving up." -Seth Meyers

 >   He should have looked for a cow put out to pasture...an Old Jersey. 

Old Jersey is just "Jersey."

& why is New Zealand still allowed to call itself "new"?

 >  GP> "Google is reportedly working on an update to the mobile version of its
 >  GP> web browser to make it easier for people to use one handed. So I guess
 >  GP> they're finally admitting what most people are using the Internet for."
 >  GP> -Seth Meyers

 >   The ads are click bait, so that makes these folks master baiters. :P

You got that right in one!

 >  GP> "A college student in Pennsylvania is suing her school for the C+ she
 >  GP> got in a class. She said, 'I'm suing whoever's responsible for this!'
 >  GP> And her professor said, 'Don't you mean WHOMEVER?'" -Jimmy Fallon

 >   D-Tention, because you're F-ing mad...and that's the ABC's of it.

& B-lame G-ame, when it's time she Tees up her own responsibility.

 >  GP> "A new poll found that 10 percent of people post vacation photos on
 >  GP> social media to make others jealous, and 100 percent of people click on
 >  GP> them to see co-workers in a bathing suit." -Seth Meyers

 >   Life and one's friends can seem so boring at times.

I can find better photos in Google. . . (but never on a work computer!)

 >   The hurricane told the coconut tree to "hold on to your nuts, as this is
 > going to be one heck of a blow job".

Q: Howdo you get a one-armed blonde out of a coconut tree?
A: Wave

 >   Hindsight may be 20/20, but I don't have eyes in my butt. However, I wish
 > I did at times...so I could see if the toilet seat was down in a darkened
 > bathroom...or if there was a chair there for when I went to sit down.

I'd call my brother a smart-arse & he'd say:
"better than being a dumb one." 
or
"Yup, I can sit on ice cream & tell you if it's chocolate or vanilla"

 >  GP> "At the Plaza Hotel, the lights went off right before a couple
 >  GP> exchanged vows. Even worse, the bride had just said, 'God, if this is a
 >  GP> mistake, please give me a sign.'" -Jimmy Fallon

 >   Here's Your Sign, Lady. 

"Tire go flat?"
  "Nope, I was driving along & the other 3 just swolled right up!"
"Heat'll do that!"

 >   I tried to go through the checkout line that noted "10 items or less".
 > But, they wouldn't let me go through, because I had a dozen eggs.

Only one bar code, though, so it's legitimately one item.

Prank: fill your buggy/cart to the brim & piled as high as possible; go up to a
person in line who has ONE item, & ask, "Do you mind if I go in front of you,
please? I'm in a hurry."

 >  GP> The priest replies, "Get out of there, you idiot. You're on my side!"

 >   Mass Mistake. 

Opium for the masses (or is it "them asses"?)

 > ... Don't iron a 4 leaf clover; Never Press Your Luck.

Unless you're playing poker with amateurs, then push, push, press on, & win!

Your friend,

<+]:{)}
Cyberpope, Bishop of ROM
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