George,

 GP> I'm rather unavailable -- I was speaking hypothetically; I may not even
 GP> have followed through, even hypothetically, as I might be happy to just
 GP> get some smiles & giggles. . .

  I hardly consider myself as "fresh meat"...but I doubt anyone would want me,
anyway. On the web page I set up in memory of my late wife, I listed around 20
"spousal qualifications"...sort of a pre-nuptial agreement". In other words,
"serious inquiries only".

 GP> Whale,. whale, whale, no need to get crabby, my friend!

  There you go, blubbering again. 

 GP> Early Jabnnary, wehen he's back to work, he pulls out a random
 GP> passenger, & says, "Bend over, turkey!"  then proceeds to remove the
 GP> man's giblets. . .

  LOL. So much for the friendly skies...more like unfriendly thighs. 

 GP> I got a bottle of organic apple juice that said “concentrate from
 GP> Turkey” Wouldn’t that make it... turkey juice?

  Or a bunch of gobble-de-gook. 

 GP> Q: Why was the Turkey late for dinner.
 GP> A: He was busy getting dressed.

   

 GP> Didja know that in Turkey they have a social networking dedicated to
 GP> red hats?
 GP> It's called FezBook.

  Talk about getting a feather in your cap.

 GP> The turkey goes "Gobble Gobble"
 GP> I love it when food comes with instructions.

  There was a Tex Avery cartoon, where this rather "Plump Pilgrim" was going
turkey hunting. The cartoon opens and he says (with Droopy's voice), "Hello,
all you happy taxpayers"...and all I could say was "Really". The voice of the
turkey sounded like the late Jimmy Durante.

 GP> Q: Why did the turkey cross the road?
 GP> A: It was the chicken's day off?

  Or the chicken was tied up in the line at the grocery store, in buying
more eggs.

 GP> Q: Why did the punk rocker cross the road?
 GP> A: He was stapled to the turkey.

  So much for "Do not bend, staple, fold, or mutilate". :P

 GP> I got home from work angry and tired, so I asked my wife if she could
 GP> make turkey and duck for dinner.
 GP> I was in a fowl mood.

  You probably thought the meal was for the birds.

 GP> January 8th, I quit cold turkey.
 GP> Warmed in the microwave is so much better!

  I can eat it cold or hot...but, now you've got me salivating.

 GP> For this year’s Thanksgiving, I decided to shoot my own turkey.
 GP> Everyone at the frozen food aisle started freaking out though.

  They probably won't allow you in that store again.

 GP> Q: What would you get if you crossed a turkey with an octopus?
 GP> A: Enough drumsticks for everybody.

  I hope it's all white meat. 

 GP> Q: What do you call more turkeys than you can count?
 GP> A: A Gobbillion.

  That's part of the new math.

 GP> Q: Why did the other turkey not cross the road?
 GP> A: To prove he wasn't chicken!

  Better than being a mother clucker.

 GP> An beautiful woman orders a turkey sandwich at a deli, with pickles on
 GP> the side. The guy behind the counter looks at her and says, "You like
 GP> big pickles?" and winks. As he slides her a pastrami sandwich she looks
 GP> at him, smiles, licks her lips and says
 GP> Wait, wrong site. . .

  You've been at the computer too long...take a break.

Daryl

... Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"?
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